I'll keep you my dirty little secret
by purplepagoda
Summary: Has nothing to do with the song. Olivia has a little secret. Well maybe not so little. How will her nonrelationship with Elliot withstand this sort of secret?
1. Someone's little secret

We've all got harmless little secrets. Right? Some of us have secrets that aren't exactly harmless. Secrets can put a strain on any relationship. This is no exception. Olivia Benson was no exception she had a few little secrets of her own.

Elliot decides that he is going to drop by and see Olivia one day when he's off work. He casually walks down the hall to her apartment. He reaches her apartment and knocks gently.

"I'm coming," a voice inside the apartment calls out. It sounds like Olivia.

Elliot waits a minute and then the door opens. A teenage girl stares back at him. She's about five seven, mostly legs. She's not really skinny, but definitely not fat. She has a little meat on her bones. Not rail thin, but not being close to pudgy either. She has her strawberry blonde locks in a pony tail. She stairs at Elliot with piercing blue eyes.

"Hi is Olivia home?" he asks thinking he might have the wrong apartment.

"No, she's out. I can tell her you stopped by though,"

"Ok,"

The girl grabs a pen and paper off the stand next to the door to take down Elliot's name.

"Who should I say stopped by?" The teen asks.

"Elliot,"

"Oh so you're the infamous Elliot?" she smiles.

"Yeah who might you be?"

"Ava,"

"Ava do you always open the door to complete strangers?"

"When their cops,"

"You could tell I was a cop before you opened the door?"

"Yeah. I saw you through the peephole. I can spot a cop from a mile away,"

"How?"

"I'm just talented,"

"Seriously how?"

"I can see your badge,"

"In my pocket?"

"Yeah, cops all keep their badges in the same places, and you looked at yours while you were waiting,"

"Oh,"

"Plus there's a picture of you over there,"

"Oh, well I've got to go, but tell Olivia I stopped,"

"Ok," she gets ready to shut the door.

"Wait who are you exactly? I mean in relation to Olivia?"

"Uh, I'm a family friend,"

"Oh,"

Elliot gets a call from Olivia a while later while he's running some errands.

"Stabler?"

"Hey El it's me,"

"I just stopped by your place a little while ago,"

"Oh. I had some things to do,"

"Yeah me too, but I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd stop by," he lies.

"Oh, well I was wondering if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee. I mean it's miraculous that we're ever off very long. And that we're off on the same day,"

"Yeah sure where do you want me to meet you?"

"At our usual place,"

"K," he agrees as they both hang up.

When Elliot gets to the coffee shop Olivia is waiting at a table for him. She's already ordered his cup of coffee. He sits down across from her.

"This for me?" he asks.

"Yeah,"

"Thanks," he smiles as he reaches for the cup.

"No problem,"

"I had an interesting encounter earlier," Elliot tells her.

"Really with who?" she asks intrigued.

"Ava,"

"Did you. That's wonderful,"

"You seem surprised,"

"Yeah, a little bit,"

"Why?"

"She normally isn't around,"

"So how long has this mysterious kid been staying with you?"

"A few weeks," Olivia admits truthfully.

"Why?"

"She lives with her grandparents, and they've been having some problems with her so they thought she could come stay with me for a while. For some reason they think I can straighten her out,"

"Well why couldn't you?"

"She's a difficult kid,"

"How long have you known her?"

"Her whole life,"

"So what's her story? I mean what about her parents?"

"Her dad died, and her mom wasn't really ready for her. Her dad died when her mother was pregnant for her,"

"So has she been with her grandparents her whole life?"

"On and off,"

"So why were you surprised that I met her?"

"She normally isn't around. I mean she hangs out with her friends most of the time. She spends ten hours their a day. And she sleeps for eight. The other two she's getting ready to go to sleep or to go out,"

"Been there,"

"How are your kids doing?"

"Good. Speaking of which what time is it?"

"A quarter til four why?"

"I've got to go pick Dickie up from soccer practice,"

"Oh, ok, I'll see you around,"

Olivia gets back to her apartment around eight o'clock.

"Ava are you here?" She calls out as she drops her keys on the counter as she sifts through the mail.

"Yeah," she replies in an annoyed tone.

"Hey can you come in here for a second please?" Olivia asks politely.

"Yeah," Ava huffs.

"So Elliot told me that he met you today,"

"Yeah, he stopped by around eleven thirty,"

"And you were out of bed?"

"Yeah. How can I sleep your neighbors are morning people. It makes me sick,"

"What did you talk to him about?"

"Nothing, just that I could tell he was a cop,"

"Oh,"

"Did he ask who you were?"

"Yeah. I lied. Just like I always do. I told him I was a family friend,"

"Ava you don't have to lie,"

"Yeah I do. I know that I'm a difficult subject to discuss with all your cohorts. I mean they don't even know I exist. Grandma is right you know. You really should just come clean. No one is going to think you're a bad person,"

"Except for you and me,"

"You're not a bad person. I understand,"

"I know, but you shouldn't have to. You are still a kid,"

"I'm pretty sure that I was born an adult,"

"I don't think you were,"

"It doesn't matter. I'm difficult. I'm perfectly aware of that. I nearly gave grandma a heart attack,"

"No you didn't,"

"Well I upped her blood pressure,"

"It's ok. You're entitled to making some mistakes,"

"I know. But the ones I make are always life altering. Why else do you think they shipped me back here from Ohio?"

"I know why they shipped you back and we'll discuss it later. When you're ready. Which hopefully is soon,"

"You mean we'll discuss it when you're ready,"

"If you say so,"

"I do. But can we talk about something else. Besides my mistakes and your job,"

"Like what?"

"Your lover boy,"

"MY what?"

"Elliot. Your boyfriend,"

"Ava, we've been over this he's my partner not my boyfriend,"

"Yeah but you have a thing for him,"

"Hey I rented a movie,"

"You can't just change the subject like that," Ava insists.

"I bought kettle corn,"

"Fine," Ava retorts as she feigns ambivalence.

"Do you want some?" Olivia asks rhetorically.

"Do you really have to ask?"

"No,"

"Mom..."

"Huh?"


	2. Little girl gone

"Was I a mistake?" Ava probes.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean did you really want me? Sometimes I think that you wish I didn't exist,"

"Why would you say that Ava?"

"Because. I've spent most of my life living with my grandparents when I had a perfectly capable mother to take care of me. Sometimes I think that you'd be happier if I weren't around. If I weren't around to remind you of him,"

"Ava. I always wanted you. Always. No matter what happened, or didn't happen. And yeah sometimes you do remind me of your dad, but the good parts,"

"Then why didn't you raise me?"

"Because I was afraid that I'd fall flat on my face and take you with me. That I'd fail you completely. I didn't want to be a bad mom, not like my mom. I thought if your grandparents raised you that you'd have a better chance of turning out normal. I didn't want to screw you up. Before I had you I was a very selfish person that didn't have a clue. I was very naive. Having you gave me a overly needed wake-up call,"

"Did you hate daddy?"

"No, but he wasn't always my most favorite person,"

"I know,"

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"Why would you think that Ava?"

"Because you didn't want me. I mean nobody but you and grandma and grandpa know I exist. I mean not really. Your friends don't know about me..."

"That isn't because I'm ashamed of you,"

"Then why don't they know?"

"Because I want to protect you,"

"From what?"

"If the public knew about you any time a case went sour your life could be in danger. I couldn't take that,"

"I guess I can understand that,"

"Why are you asking me all of these questions anyway?"

"Because I am,"

"What's going on?"

"Grandma and grandpa didn't send me back here because I got in trouble for skipping school,"

"Oh," Olivia's voice drops.

"They don't like my boyfriend,"

"Why not?"

"Because they think he's a bad guy,"

"Why? Is he in a gang?"

"No,"

"Does he do drugs?"

"No,"

"Does he drink?"

"No,"

"Does he smoke?"

"No,"

"Does he cuss?"

"No,"

"Why would they dislike this guy? Does he have a bad attitude? Is he too old for you?"

"No, and no. He's sweet, and he's only like six months older than I am,"

"Is he a criminal?"

"No,"

"Is he..."

"He's black,"

"That's why they don't like him?"

"No. He's a good guy. He goes to church, and he's sweet,"

"Is he mean to you?"

"No,"

"Then what's the problem?"

"They found him in my room one morning before school,"

"Oh," Olivia swallows hard.

"But it wasn't what you think. He was on the floor,"

"So nothing happened, and they were just over reacting?"

"That's not why they sent me back though,"

"Ok,"

"Grandma freaked out and she made me go to the doctor and get birth control,"

"Ava why did they send you back?"

"Even though I told her I wasn't going to do anything,"

"How can you be sure?"

"Cause I can,"

"So why did she send you back? I'm waiting,"

"Mom. Stop when you use that tone of voice you sound like a cop,"

"I am a cop," she reminds.

"I know,"

"Continue please," Olivia demands.

"Well the doctor told Grandma that she couldn't give me birth control..."

"Without an exam?"

"No. She did a blood test before that. She told her that she couldn't give me birth control because I was pregnant,"

"What?" Olivia says hysterically trying to keep her anger at bay.

"Let me explain. I know it sounds bad. It was really stupid but it was an accident,"

"I'd hope so,"

"I wanted to wait but..."

"Did he make you do something you didn't want to?" Olivia questions in alarm.

"No. Not really. I mean No. We just got really caught up in the moment. I didn't mean for it to happen. It was all like one big blur, I barely remember what happened. But it only happened once. Once I realized what happened I freaked out. I knew that I screwed up. I figured it wouldn't be the end of the world though. I mean I was upset, because I knew that I couldn't fix it. That I couldn't go back. I felt horrible. I decided just because it happened once didn't mean that it was ok. Because it wasn't. Not to me anyway. So I didn't let it happen again. I figured that I'd be able to forget about it. I mean I knew I wouldn't, but I didn't think that I'd have to worry about it. But I was wrong,"

"When did this happen?"

"About two weeks before thanksgiving,"

"That was four and a half months ago,"

"I know,"

"What happened? Exactly. Walk me through it,"

"Well grandma and grandpa went to Cleveland to see Aunt Kate, Uncle Greg and their kids. She knew that since she was out of town I wouldn't want to be alone. She told me that it was find to invite over some friends. She said five was the limit. She told me she didn't care if I invited a couple of my guy friends, but there was to be no alcohol and no funny business. I invited my boyfriend and two other couples from school. His best friend and my best friend and their girlfriend and boyfriend. We played games and watched T.V. Nothing weird was going on. His friend's boyfriend refilled our drinks and everything was blurry from there. I remember going upstairs. And I remember waking up with Adam,"

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yeah,"

"Did the drinks taste funny?"

"No I don't know I didn't really pay any attention,"

"What were you drinking?"

"Sparkling apple cider. We were drinking out of shot glasses. We thought it was funny,"

Ava disappears for a minute and then reappears with a shot glass.

"That looks kind of moldy,"

"Yeah we made a pact not to wash them,"

"Eww,"

"Sorry,"

"Go put some water in it,"

"Why?"

"Please,"

"Fine," Ava agrees.

When she comes back from the sink Olivia has some sort of plastic strip.

"What is that?"

"Watch,"

"Watch what?" Ava asks.

Olivia dips the strip into the water, and scrapes the bottom of the glass.

"It's pink!" Ava exclaims.

"Yeah,"

"What does that mean?"

"Someone put something in your drink,"

"Like what?"

"Probably the date rape drug," Olivia says very seriously.

"How do you know that?"

"Because this tests for those types of drugs,"

"Where would you get those?"

"The captain gave them to me,"

"Captain Crunch?"

"No the captain of my squad. When you're a cop they pass these things out like candy,"

"Oh,"

"Ava it wasn't your fault,"

"I wasn't even sure that anything happened. I mean until I realized that I was pregnant,"

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I mean everything is so crazy. School sucks but I'm starting to make friends. I..."

"Ava you can do whatever you want,"

"You'll be mad,"

"I won't," she promises.

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"Know that you wanted to keep me?"

"I don't know. I couldn't give you away,"

"But the..."

"I don't believe in abortion,"

"Even after what you do? You'd honestly tell someone that was raped to keep the baby?"

"No. Not in that instance. I'm just saying for me it's not something I believe in. It's fine for other people. They can do what they want with their lives but I couldn't do that,"

"Why not?"

"I didn't have the happiest childhood. But if my mother could have me after the way I was conceived I just couldn't,"

"Did people think that you should get rid of me?"

"Yeah. A lot of people thought that. We found out about you no more than a month before your dad died. It was early, and people thought that it would be easier for me if I didn't have you,"

"But you did,"

"Yeah. And I'm glad. I know that I haven't always been there for you. But it was never because I didn't want you. I just didn't want you to be involved in my problems. I'm not a saint,"

"That would be boring,"

"Probably,"

"Was it worth it?"

"Uh huh. Even the sixteen hours of labor,"

"Ouch,"

"You had drugs though right?"

"No,"

"Why not?"

"I was out of my mind. You were stubborn. Then you finally came out,"

"Was I an ugly baby,"

"No. Some babies look old and wrinkly when they come out but you were perfect,"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Chubby, and bald,"

"Just like a butterball turkey. How sweet,"

"As soon as you looked up at with me with your big blue eyes I knew it was meant to be,"

"Didn't they remind you of daddy?"

"Uh huh. But that's ok. You only got our good qualities–for the most part. I wouldn't want you any other way either," Olivia smiles.


	3. Little calls

"Mom,"  
"What?"  
"I'm scared. I'm not ready for all of this,"  
"I know, but it'll be ok," Olivia promises.  
"I want her,"  
"Who?"  
"The baby. I want to have her,"  
"Her?"  
"I just have a feeling,"  
"You have a feeling or you know?"  
"I know. I didn't tell grandma. I mean about the baby. I knew. It was kind of obvious to me. I mean I was kind of sick for a while. She didn't even find out until the day before she sent me back,"  
"Two weeks ago?"  
"Uh huh,"  
"So then the doctor did an ultrasound?"  
"Yeah. I was glad it wasn't a boy. I don't know much about boys except they're a whole lot of trouble,"  
"What about Adam how did he react?"  
"I feel like I'm being interrogated," Ava admits.  
"Sorry. But I think you just need to get all of this off your chest at once,"  
"Yeah I know. I don't know how he reacted,"  
"Why not?"  
"I haven't told him,"  
"Why does he think they sent you to me?"  
"For skipping school. The truth is I haven't even been skipping school. I missed a few days from being sick, but I never skip. Ok, I do but not very often. I mean really it's more like a mental health day. And grandma ok's them,"  
"He has no clue?"  
"No,"  
"Don't you think you should tell him?"  
"He's mad at me,"  
"Why? I didn't tell him that I was leaving. Not until after the fact. I sent him an email when I got here. He emailed me back and told me that he didn't want to talk to me,"  
"You need to call him," she says a phone rings.  
"That's your phone not mine," Ava tells her.  
"Where is it?"  
"Right there," she says as she points directly in front of Olivia. It's sitting on the counter right in front of her.  
"Hello?" she answers. She has a brief conversation and then hangs up.  
"I've got to go. Duty calls,"  
"Love you,"  
"Love you too,"  
"Don't get shot,"  
"I won't," she promises hoping that it wouldn't happen, but with her job she could never really be sure.  
"Mom," she sighs as Olivia starts out the door.  
"What?"  
"Tell loverboy I said hi," she jokes.  
"Make your phone call," Olivia demands.  
"Ok," Ava huffs as Olivia walks out.

When Olivia gets to the elevator her phone rings.  
"Hello?"  
"Mom you might need your keys. And more than likely your gun," Ava reminds her.  
"Right," Olivia hangs up, and walks back to her apartment. Ava is standing at the door with the keys and the gun.  
"Bye," Olivia waves as she leaves again.  
Olivia meets Elliot at the hospital. The victim is unconscious so they have to sit around and wait for a while. Olivia bites her nails as they wait.  
"You ok?" Elliot probes.  
"Yeah,"  
"You seem a little bit off," he tells her.  
"I'm fine," she reassures him.  
"You sure? It seems like you're preoccupied,"  
"Maybe a little. But don't worry about it,"  
"You want to talk about it?"  
"No,"  
"Ok,"  
"Ava says hi," Olivia blurts out as they sit in an awkward silence.  
"Oh. Why do I get the feeling that there's more to that story?"  
"Because there is,"  
"Do you want to share?"  
"No. Maybe later,"

Meanwhile Olivia's: Ava decides to call Adam.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end says sheepishly.  
"I'm sorry did I wake you up?" Ava asks.  
"Yeah, but it's ok. I'm glad to hear from you," he tells her.  
"I thought you were mad at me,"  
"No,"  
"But you said you didn't want to talk,"  
"I meant right then. I was busy with an English project. I'm not mad at you. It wasn't your fault that your grandparents are whack,"  
"Don't blame them. It's my fault,"  
"So are you ok? Things working out with your mom?"  
"I'm ok I guess. My mom has been really great. But it's going to take some time to reconnect,"  
"No doubt. You'll make it work though,"  
"Adam,"  
"Yeah?"  
"I need to tell you something,"  
"You sound upset. Is something wrong?"  
"No, yeah, I don't know. I'm just kind of scared,"  
"About what?" he asks in a caring tone.  
"I've got a little bit of a problem,"  
"Are you in trouble or something?"  
"No babe. Not exactly,"  
"Ava just spit it out. What's wrong?"  
"I'm pregnant,"  
"Excuse me?"  
"I..."  
He cuts her off, "I heard what you said I'm just a little bit confused,"  
"Remember a couple weeks before thanksgiving?"  
"Barely,"  
"I think that your boy slipped us something,"  
"I guess he could of, but why do you think that?"  
"You don't remember?"  
"Remember what?"  
"The next morning. You were in my bed,"  
"Yeah so?"  
"You weren't wearing anything,"  
"I guess now that I think about it I wasn't. It was kind of a blur. Now that I think of it the drinks tasted more like tequila,"  
"You've had tequila before?"  
"Once. My dad let me try it. Before he got his act together,"  
"Adam it doesn't really matter how it happened. Does it? It doesn't change the fact that it did,"  
"So then you're like four and a half months pregnant?"  
"Uh huh,"  
"What are you going to do?"  
"Have her,"  
"Her?"  
"It's a girl. I'm just..."  
"Does your mom know?"  
"Yeah,"  
"Is she mad at you?"  
"Not really,"  
"Do you need money?"  
"What for?"  
"For the baby,"  
"I don't need any right now,"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah,"  
"Do you want me to come see you? I really miss you, ya know?"  
"Yeah I miss you too,"  
"You know that I love you right?"  
"Yeah I know that,"  
"And I'm serious. I'm not just saying it for kicks. I really do love you. I'm going to come see you soon,"  
"I'm ok. I'll be ok. I do miss you though,"  
"Why do I come up this summer. We'll figure this thing out,"  
"I know,"  
"I'll marry you,"  
"What?"  
"Yeah we'll get married. It'll be me and you, just like it has been,"  
"Adam, we can't. I love you, but I'm not ready to be married. We're still just kids. I mean I want to wait a while. We both need to do some growing up before we get married. There are just a lot of things I want to do before I get married,"  
"I've got to go before I get in trouble,"  
"K," she says quietly.  
"Love you," he tells her once again.  
"Love you too. Bye,"  
"Love you more," he says and then hangs up.


	4. Another bump in the road

When Olivia gets home she finds Ava on the couch asleep. She covers her with a blanket and goes to take a shower. Before she goes to bed she goes to check on Ava. She bends down, brushes Ava's hair out of her face and gives her a kiss on the forehead.  
"You don't have to be so quiet, I'm not asleep," Ava says groggily.  
"Did I wake you up?" Olivia questions.  
"No. I just can't fall asleep. Spring break is almost over and I'm really dreading going to back to school,"  
"It'll be ok,"  
"I hope so,"  
"Try to get some sleep..." Olivia begs.  
"How can I? I never know if you're going to be here when I wake up,"  
"I know, but I'm always just a phone call away,"  
"Night mom,"  
"Night kiddo,"  
When Ava wakes up Olivia is sitting on the couch next to her.  
"What time is it?" Ava asks.  
"Time for me to go to work,"  
"Don't get shot,"  
"Ok,"  
"I love you,"  
"I love you too. Do you want to do anything today? While I'm at work? If you go with your friends you can go do something,"  
"I'd really rather just stay home,"  
"Ok, well I left some money on the counter so you can order a pizza, or something for lunch,"  
"K,"  
"Bye,"  
"Bye,"

Olivia leaves. Ava manages to get the school year without anyone finding out. Olivia is worried about her because she has barely gained any weight. Olivia manages to keep a balance between work and home somehow. Even though she tries to be home she still feels that she's neglecting Ava. She and Elliot are on a stakeout when he asks her about Ava.

"So is Ava still around?"  
"Yeah,"  
"How is she adjusting?"  
"Good. I can't really get her out though. She's been kind of anti-social,"  
"So how are you doing?"  
"Ok,"  
"Does the captain know about Ava?"  
"No,"  
"Why do I feel like you're keeping something from me?"  
Olivia's cell phone rings and prevents her from answering Elliot.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi,"  
"Ava is something wrong?"  
"No. Not really. I just had a horrible dream that something happened to you,"  
"I'm fine,"  
"Ok good," Ava says just before sneezing.  
"Bless you. Are you getting sick?"  
"It's just a cold. I'm fine,"  
"I've really got to go we're on a stakeout,"  
"You and lover boy?"  
"Yeah Elliot and I,"  
"Can I talk to him?"  
"No, we're busy. Ava I really need to go,"  
"Just let me say hi, it'll only take a minute,"  
"Fine,"  
She hands the phone to Elliot. "Here,"  
"Who is it?" Elliot asks Olivia.  
"Ava," she replies.  
"Hi Ava. How are you?"  
"Fine. How are you Elliot?"  
"I'm ok,"  
"Good. Make sure that you keep an eye on her,"  
"Why?"  
"She's trouble," Ava reveals.  
"I know. Ava I got to go she's giving me a dirty look,"  
"Ok, bye," she tells him as they both hang up.  
Elliot hands Olivia her phone back.

When Olivia gets home it's almost three in the morning. She goes into Ava's room to make sure she's ok. The lamp is on. She sits down on the bed next to Ava.

"Mom,"  
"Are you still awake?"  
"Yeah. I don't feel good,"  
"What's wrong?"  
"I can't breath,"  
"What do you mean you can't breath?"  
"I'm all clogged up,"  
"Oh, we can go to the doctor in the morning,"  
"Ok," Ava agrees.  
Olivia kisses Ava on the forehead. She's burning up.  
"Sweetheart you're fevered,"  
"No I'm not. I'm cold,"  
"Ava you're soaked in sweat. I'm going to go get the thermometer,  
Olivia comes back with a thermometer and takes Ava's temperature. The thermometer reads 102.  
"Come on get up,"  
"Mom I'm so tired. Can't I just go to sleep?"  
"No, babe you've got a one hundred and two fever you've got to go to the hospital,"  
"I'm so tired," Ava whispers in a raspy voice. She struggles to get out of bed. She's just too weak to do it. Olivia takes a deep breath and attempts to lift her sixteen year old daughter. Not from lack of trying Olivia couldn't pick Ava up. Even if she had been able to lift her she couldn't have carried her. It had been a very long time since she had been able to carry Ava. Afterall Ava was now as big as she was. Olivia pulls Ava out of bed and gets her to her feet.  
"Come one baby doll,"

They arrived at the hospital ten minutes later, and Ava is immediately admitted. After hooking Ava up to all sorts of machines the doctor finally comes in. By this point Ava is asleep.

"Miss Benson," the doctor says sympathetically.  
"Yes?"  
"We think that your daughter has pneumonia,"  
"Think?"  
"We're almost a hundred percent sure, but we can't be so without a chest x-ray. Of course due to her condition we can't give her an x-ray,"  
"So what can you do?"  
"We can start her on some anti-biotics. Keep her here for a day or two to monitor her and keep her from getting dehydrated and then we'll see from there,"  
"Is that safe? I mean the anti-biotics?"  
"Right now it's the best option. We can't give her a very strong medication, so it will take longer for the infection to go away, but it should work. She should be completely better in two to four weeks. There shouldn't be any detrimental effects to the baby either,"  
"Ok,"

The doctor leaves Olivia. She sits there quietly just looking at Ava. For the first time it finally hits her that Ava isn't a little girl anymore. She finally comes to the realization that her baby has a baby inside of her. Up until that point she'd just been operating on auto-pilot. She tried not to think about the fact that her baby was having a baby. She blamed herself of course. She kept telling herself that it was her fault because she hadn't always been around for Ava. It didn't really matter. It was destined to happen, as some things are. So she just sat there and reflected for a while. Finally she fell asleep. She hadn't been asleep long when the sound of her phone woke her up.

"Hello?" she answers groggily.  
"Hey Liv it's me," Elliot says on the other end.  
"Hey,"  
"The captain wanted me to call you. He said you aren't answering your home phone,"  
"Oh, sorry. I'm not home. I'm at St. Mary's hospital,"  
"What? Are you ok?"  
"Yeah I'm fine. Ava's the one that's sick. She has pneumonia,"  
"Oh,"  
"I better hang up, so I can call the captain and tell him that I'm not coming in,"  
"Yeah ok bye,"  
"Bye," she hangs up.  
She dials the captain's personal line.  
"Captain Cragen,"  
"Hi Cragen, it's me Olivia,"  
"Are you ok?"  
"Um I can't come into today I think I'm coming down with the flu. It's pretty nasty. I don't want to get everyone sick. I might not be able to come in for a few days," she lies trying to sound sick.  
"Ok, well just rest, and try to get better," he tells her.  
"Ok, thanks bye," she hangs up.  
"Mom," Ava says weakly.  
"What baby?"  
"Are you going to work?"  
"No, I'm going to stay here with you,"  
"But mom," she tries to argue but is too weak.  
"Don't argue. I'm staying here, and so are you. Just close your eyes and go back to sleep. You need to rest so you can get better,"  
Olivia demands.  
"Tell me a story,"  
"A story? What kind of a story?"  
"I don't know just make one up,"  
"Ok," Olivia thinks for a minute and then calmly begins, "Once upon a time there was a cop..."  
"I've heard this one before,"  
"I'm not very good at making up stories,"  
"Then just talk to me until I fall asleep,"  
"About what?"  
"Tell me about your boyfriend Elliot," Ava demands as she stares up at Olivia with her big blue eyes that have huge dark circles under them.  
"Just because you're sick I'll humor you,"  
"Good," Ava coughs.  
"Well let's see. He's divorced and he has four kids. Three girls and a boy. Maureen is the oldest, then Kathleen, then the twins Elizabeth and Dickie,"  
"Dickie?"  
"He's catholic,"  
"Oh, ok,"  
"He's got a temper when it comes to unremorseful creeps,"  
"Don't we all. Ok, now tell me about the day I was born,"  
"Ok. You were born on July 6th 1991. It was hot, and more importantly it was hot. Did I mention it was really hot? The whole summer was hot. I thought that I'd croak before you came out. I was miserable the last few weeks. It was the middle of the night when my water broke. At first I panicked, but then I calmed down, gathered up my stuff, and drove to the hospital. I thought I was going to be tough, and not have any drugs. I toughed it out for thirteen hours. Then I asked for some drugs and they told me that it was too late because I was going to have to start pushing very soon. I pushed for an hour and you didn't budge. The doctor's decided to do an ultrasound at the last minute to see if something was wrong. And of course you were breech. So they wanted to do a c-section. They decide to wait an hour to see if they could move you. Somehow you managed to turn yourself around and finally after another hour of pushing you came out. You were grey at first and I thought there was something wrong with you. Then they put you on my chest and started cleaning you up, and you turned pink. I said "Ava Rose" and you opened your eyes and looked at me, and stopped crying. And that's what happened the day you were born," Olivia happily recounts the tale. As she finishes she looks over and sees that Ava has drifted back to sleep.


	5. Even if he was purple

At around nine o'clock Elliot shows up. He gently knocks on the frame of the door. Olivia shuts of the T.V. and motions for him to come in.

"How's she doing?" He asks as he walks in and sits down in a chair next to Olivia.  
"I don't know. She's been asleep pretty much all day,"  
"So did you talk to her mom?"  
"Uh... why don't we go get some coffee,"  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah let me just right her a note in case she wakes up," Olivia says.

She grabs a piece of paper and a pen and scrawls a little note. She leaves it on the stand next to the bed. They go to the cafeteria and he gets a cup of coffee and she gets a cup of tea. They find a table, and they sit down. She looks at him for a second. More like stares at him actually.

"What?" he raises an eyebrow.  
"There's more,"  
"More?"  
"To the story,"  
"What story?"  
"Ava,"  
"Oh, that much I figured. Especially when I asked the receptionist what room she was in. Then I realized I didn't know her last name. The receptionist told me the only Ava in the hospital besides a newborn was an Ava Benson,"  
"Yeah,"  
"So she's not just one of your friend's kids?"  
"No,"  
"So who does she belong to? Does she belong to a sister I don't know about?"  
"No,"  
"Is she your sister?"  
"No,"  
"A kid of a brother I don't know about?"  
"You know of the only brother I know of," she replies.  
"So then that's a no?"  
"Yeah it's a no,"  
"Then who does she belong to?"  
"Me," Olivia blurts out.  
"You? She belongs to you?"  
"Yes,"  
"Did you adopt her?"  
"No, Elliot you're not listening to what I'm telling you. She belongs to me. She's mine, as in I gave birth to her almost sixteen years ago,"  
"So why didn't I know about her?"  
"She's been with her paternal grandparents since she was tiny. She was still just a baby when I left her with them. Well not really a baby she was about four,"  
"How? I mean I never thought you'd leave your kid if you had one,"  
"It wasn't like that. I love her. I mean it was just really hard. Her dad was gone by the time I was two or three months pregnant with her. It was really rough. I didn't have any money. I was scared to death that I would resent her and turn into my mother. And then I'd screw her up and she'd hate me. It wasn't something I really wanted to do. I just decided that it was better for her to live with her grandparents, in a stable environment. I knew I needed to get it together in order to ever be a good mother to her. But by doing that I was a crappy mom. I never saw her. And when I did she would barely recognize me. It broke my heart. Every time I saw her I never wanted to leave her, and every time I left her I missed her. I thought that I was doing what was best for her, but I wasn't. I should have taken care of her,"  
"So what changed? Why did she come to live with me?"  
"She'd been talking about it for a couple years, but her grandma didn't think it was a good idea. Then she got into some trouble, and so her grandma shipped her home to me,"  
"What kind of trouble? Like with the law?"  
"Nothing like that. More of trouble with life. The kind of trouble we all dread as parents,"  
"Drinking? Drugs?"  
"No worse,"  
"Sex?"  
"Bingo,"  
"What happened? Did her grandma like walk in on her or something?"  
"No. She found out that she had sex. So she made her go to the doctor to get birth control, but he wouldn't give it to her because it was too late. She told me this, and then she told me the whole story, and according to her it only happened once. Which I believe her. And I also kind of think it wasn't her fault, cause I kinda think she was drugged,"  
"Liv come on. Kids have sex. They lie about having sex. Just because she said that it doesn't mean it's true. I know you want to believe her, but kids lie about stuff like that,"  
"Elliot I'm pretty sure she was drugged,"  
"How would you know?"  
"It's a long story,"  
"So what did she do?"  
"About what?"  
"The baby?" Elliot reminds.  
"Nothing,"  
"Nothing?"  
"Nope it's still inside of her just waiting to be born,"  
"Is she going to give it up?"  
"No she wants to keep it,"  
"When is she due?"  
"About three weeks before she starts back to school,"  
"Which is?"  
"September sixth--I think, and her due date is the16th of August,"  
"It's June,"  
"Yeah I know,"  
"So then she's?"  
"Seven and a half months tomorrow,"  
"So what are you going to do about school?"  
"I don't know. I can let her miss the first few weeks, which I think is a bad idea. Or I could home school her, or have a tutor for her. I don't know right now,"  
"How would you home school her? You're never home. Or hire a tutor you don't make that much money,"  
"I honestly don't know,"  
"So what about the boy?"  
"She says he's a good guy but I have yet to meet him,"  
Just as she says that her cell phone rings, "Hello?"  
"Miss Benson, this is Adam,"  
"Hi Adam,"  
"Did Ava tell you that I was coming in to town?"  
"No why?"  
"Well she isn't here,"  
"Where?"  
"At the apartment,"  
"How long has it been since you talked with her?"  
"Two, three days, why?"  
"She's at St. Mary's,"  
"The church?"  
"No the hospital,"  
"What's wrong? Is she ok? Is it the baby? Is the baby ok?"  
"Ava has pnuemonia, she'll be ok, no, and yes,"  
"I'm on my way,"  
"Do you know how to get here?"  
"My chauffeur does,"  
"Ok,"  
"Bye," he hangs up.

She flips her phone shut and looks at Elliot.

"I guess I get to meet him, he's on his way here,"  
"From where?"  
"My apartment,"  
"Did he need directions?"  
"No he has a chauffeur apparently,"  
"Well, I better get going,"  
"Why? Don't you want to meet Adam?"  
"Who?"  
"Her boyfriend, or whatever he is. I guess the father of her unborn child,"  
"Nah I think I should get going,"  
"Why don't you stay around for moral support? You could at least pop in upstairs to say by to Ava. I wish you'd stay with me for a while,"  
"Why?"  
"To restrain me. I'm sure that this kid is a nice guy, but he did get my daughter pregnant. She went from a child to a grown up over night,"  
"Ok,"

Olivia and Elliot go back to Ava's room together. Just as they sit down Adam arrives. He knocks gently on the door which is slightly a jar.

"Come in," Olivia says in utter exhaustion.  
He walks over to Olivia to introduce himself. "Hi Miss Benson I'm Adam," he informs her as he shakes her hand. She studies him carefully. He's about six foot one with big brown eyes, big pearly whites, and a nice short cut. She doesn't even think about anything else. To her skin color didn't matter. He could have been purple and she still probably wouldn't have liked him anymore, or any less, after all he got her precious little girl pregnant.

"You can call me Olivia,"  
"How is she?" He asks as he looks at Ava genuinely worried.  
"Ok," Olivia replies.  
Olivia walks over to Ava, and gently shakes her. "Ava," she whispers softly.  
Ava opens her eyes and answers, "Huh?"  
"There's someone here to see you," Olivia informs her daughter.  
Ava sits up and looks around the room she sees Elliot, and then Adam who is on the other side of her.  
"Hi," she smiles at Adam.  
"Hey," he smiles back.  
"What time is it?" Ava asks.  
"Quarter til ten," Olivia reveals.  
"Why don't you go home. Adam will stay here with me,"  
"I'd rather stay,"  
"Mom please go home and get some sleep," Ava begs.  
Olivia opens her mouth to protest but Ava cuts her off, "Elliot will you take her home for me?"  
"Sure,"  
"Make sure she goes home and stays home," Ava demands.  
"Ok, kiddo,"  
"You told him?" Ava asks Olivia.  
"Yeah,"  
"Love you," Ava coos.  
"Love you too," Olivia replies.  
"Now get out of here," Ava says.  
Elliot escorts Olivia out of the hospital and to his car.  
"You hungry?" he questions her.  
"Not really. I'd rather just go home and take a hot shower,"  
"Ok," he agrees.  
When they arrive at Olivia's apartment she invites Elliot up. He obliges her. When they get to her apartment she can't get the door open fast enough. She opens it and walks in with him behind her. She tosses her keys down, and goes for the kitchen.  
"You want a drink?" she poses as she pulls a bottle of tequila out of the fridge.  
"Sure,"

She quickly pours two drinks into a couple of shot glasses. He joins her in the kitchen. She smiles at him and then tells him to enjoy before drinking the shot in a split second.

"You're off duty right?" she asks him after the fact.  
He shakes his head. She pours a couple more shots. A few shots later they're laughing and smiling. She starts doing a striptease in the  
middle of the kitchen.  
"I'm going to go take a shower," she announces to him.  
"I better get going," he says against his will.  
"I wouldn't mind a little company," she admits as she makes a beeline for the bathroom.

_Cliffhanger-sorry if I get ten reviews for this chapter by Tuesday night I'll update then. I won't update until I get ten. Sorry. _


	6. Movies, moms, and meetings oh my

He follows the trail of her clothes through her bedroom into her master bath. By the time he gets to the bathroom the shower is already on. He peels of his clothes and eagerly heads to the shower against his better judgement. Both of them knew that they were the same people when they were drunk, they just pretended not to know. Though it was true they would do things drunk that they'd never do sober those things were things that they wanted to do when they were sober. He opens the door and gets into the steaming hot shower.

After getting out of the shower Olivia doesn't even put any clothes on. She barely towels off in fact. She goes to her room and has Elliot follow her. The following morning Olivia wakes up with a splitting headache. She walks into her bathroom to get an ibuprofen out of the medicine cabinet. She takes two and washes them down with a glass of water. She walks back to her bedroom and sees Elliot lying in her bed. She looks down and realizes she's wearing his shirt. She apprehensively walks over to the bed and peaks under the sheet. Just what she'd thought. She grabs some clothes and heads back into the bathroom for another shower. Elliot wakes up when he hears the shower turn on. He goes into the bathroom, and opens the shower door. Olivia looks at him utterly surprised.

"What are you doing?"

"I thought you wanted this,"

"I did, but I thought you moved back in with your wife,"

"No," he admits, "We can't lie forever."

"Elliot. I thought that you just did this because you were drunk,"

"Last night yeah. But Olivia I've wanted this for a while. I'm just too stupid to admit that when I'm sober. And my actions always lead, so when I'm drunk what I do is what I mean,"

"You just care about the sex," she tells him.

"Not true, I want you. I want a relationship with you. A real relationship with you,"

"Elliot we can't. We've got too much going on. We're partners, it'll just cause problems,"

"We'll make it work,"

"We've got kids. We can't put them through this if it isn't going to work. I won't do it,"

"Why don't you take a while to think about it then,"

"Ok," she agrees.

He kisses her. "Bye," he smiles.

"Bye," she smiles back ask he leaves.

After her shower Olivia goes to the hospital. She gets there just in time because they're getting ready to release Ava.

"Hi," Olivia says to Ava who is dressed and sitting on her bed.

"They're letting me out of this joint," Ava says excitedly.

"Where did Adam go?"

"I sent him to his hotel to get a shower. He's going to catch some sleep and come over later this evening if that's ok," Ava tells her mother.

"That's fine, as long as you're feeling up to it,"

"I feel a lot better. Not completely well, but better,"

"Good,"

"I have something for you," Ava tells her.

"What?" Olivia asks.

"Pictures,"

"Of what?"

"The baby. They did an ultrasound to make sure that the anti-biotics aren't effecting her,"

"Are they?"

"No she's fine," Ava admits as she hands Olivia the pictures.

Over the next few weeks Adam, Olivia, and Ava spend a lot of time together. About a month after being in the hospital Ava convinces Olivia needs to get out of the house away from her and work. It's about a day shy of exactly one week (July 6th) after Ava's sixteenth birthday and Olivia decides to go out to the movies with Casey. Before the movie Olivia and Casey chat a little bit.

"Have you ever asked yourself how on earth you got yourself into a certain situation?" Olivia wonders.

"Sure, all the time. Especially with guys. I have a talent of being able to find the biggest jerks to date. Why? What's going on?"

"A lot. Everything is going insane. It's almost too much to handle,"

"I noticed that you've been stressed out at work lately,"

"I'm just really distracted,"

"You want to talk about it?"

"Let's just say it's a guy,"

"Oh, a specific guy?"

"I can't disclose that information counselor," Olivia jokes.

"Well it doesn't matter I know who it is,"

"Ok whatever,"

"Are you sure that's all?"

"No. But the other part is really complicated. More complicated than I care to explain,"

"You can tell me you know,"

"I know I can, it's just... it's a little bit hard to explain, and crazier to deal with,"

"Sounds like a family problem,"

"Yeah,"

"But I thought..."

Just as Olivia is about to cut her off the movie starts. When the movie lets out Olivia and Casey both turn on their phones to check messages. Olivia gets an alarming voice mail.

"I've got to go," Olivia tells Casey.

"Ok," Casey let's her go without asking any questions.

Olivia finally arrives at her destination about ten minutes later.

"Hi, I'm looking for Ava Benson," Olivia tells the receptionist.

"She's in room 412, they're getting her ready for surgery,"

Olivia rushes down the hall. She finds Ava with Adam by her side and a woman she's never seen before.

"Hi," Olivia smiles as she enters the room.

"Olivia this is my mom Jayne Powell-Lucas. Mom this is Ava's mom Olivia Benson,"

"Hi nice to meet you," Jayne smiles.

"Nice to meet you too," Olivia smiles back at the nearly six foot tall, blonde, blue eyed, porcelain skinned woman in the room

"Mom they're going to take me into surgery in about half an hour, I'm so glad you made it,"

"Surgery for what?" Olivia asks oblivious due to the vague message left on her phone.

"A c-section,"

"All your message said was that you were going to the hospital. What's going on?"

"She's on her way right now,"

"Why are they doing a c-section?"

"Because she's breech, and her cord is wrapped around her neck,"

Before Olivia can say anything a few nurses come in. They hand Adam a pair of scrubs.

One nurse asks Ava, "Are you ready to go?"

"Can my mom come in with me?"

The nurse hands Olivia a pair of scrubs.

Olivia sits on one side of Ava as Adam sits on the other. Olivia just stares at Ava trying not to think about the situation. Finally about forty five minutes later Olivia hears a squawk and then a loud cry. "It's a girl," one of the nurses announces. They clean the baby up and hand her to Adam to show Ava. They smile and it's all over. Actually it was just beginning but the part Olivia was most nervous about was over, and Ava was alright so far. After a while they take Ava to recovery and the baby to the nursery. Ava wakes up at about 11 pm.

"Hi," Olivia smiles at Ava.

"Hi. Is the baby ok?"

"Yes your little July baby is fine,"

"Ok love you,"

"Love you too,"

"Now go home," Ava insists.

"No I'm going to stay here with you. ," Olivia tells her.

"Mom you have to go to work,"

"Why? I'm going to stay here with you,"

"I'll be ok. We'll still be here tomorrow when you get off work,"

"Ava why do you want me to go to work?"

"Please,"

"Whatever Ava,"

"Go,"

"Fine love you bye," Olivia says as she heads out the door.

Jayne goes out with her.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Jayne questions.

"Sure,"

"Ava said that you guys live in a sixteenth floor apartment,"

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking since you're probably already crowded that I could take care of some different living arrangements,"

"Like what?"

"A house a few blocks away,"

"That really isn't necessary,"

"Miss Benson please. Our family has plenty of money I fell obligated to make sure that the baby has the best of everything,"

"Ok,"

"I'm really not trying to step on your toes or anything, but I know how much you make,"

"It is public record,"

"True. I was wondering about school,"

"For the baby? Isn't early to be thinking about that?"

"No I mean for Ava,"

"What about it?"

"Well it isn't really practical for her to go to school. She's spent enough time at my house for me to know a little bit about her. And I know that she's going to want to stay home with the baby,"

"That's just how she is,"

"So I was thinking that I would take care of a full time tutor for her and a nanny,"

"The tutor sounds nice, but no nanny,"

"Are you sure? Not even part time?"

"Thanks, but no,"

"Ok but if you change your mind let me know,"

"Ok,"


	7. Movin' on up

_A/N: More drama. Some of this chapter is filler, but it's going to get crazy next chapter. I promise._

* * *

The following day work seems to drag on. Olivia feels so anxious to get home she almost makes herself sick. Finally the day is over. Elliot follows her out to walk her to the car. Olivia was paired with Fin, and Elliot with Munch. Elliot could tell by Olivia's body language that she had something to tell him.

"What?" he asks her as she opens the door of her car.

"I had something I wanted to show you,"

"Oh,"

She grabs the pictures of the baby out of the glove compartment.

"Here she is,"

"She had the baby?" he asks as he stares at the pictures of the tiny little girl covered in pink attire.

"Yeah,"

"What's her name?"

"Ava hasn't picked one yet,"

"Is she ok?"

"She's a little bit small, but she's fine,"

"She's adorable,"

"Yeah," Olivia sighs.

"Are you ok?" he asks as she rests her head on the palm of her hand.

"Yeah I'm just tired,"

"You probably want to go to the hospital so I'll let you go,"

"K,"

The baby weighs five pounds and two ounces when she's born. They release her from the hospital three days after she's born, which is when Ava finally reveals the baby's name. Olivia gets off work just in time to pick Ava up. Adam and his mother have gone back to their hotel to catch up on their rest. Olivia signs Ava's release forms, and then follows Ava out to the car.

"So are you going to tell me her name?" Olivia asks as she looks in her rear view mirror.

"Sophia Olivia,"

"Why would you name her after me Ava?"

"Because I wanted to, so just get over it,"

"Fine," Olivia agrees.

Three days later Sophia has to go in for her one week check up. Olivia goes and gets the baby ready quietly, and then goes to wake Ava up. Olivia gently shakes her. Then she whispers in her ear, "Ava I'm going to take the baby to her appointment,"

"I'll be ready in a minute," Ava sighs loudly.

"Go back to bed," Olivia demands as she tucks the blanket around Ava.

As Olivia waits in the exam room with the baby she feels a little bit sick. She swallows and ignores the feeling and turns her attention to Sophia who is sucking the life out of her binky.

Olivia looks down at the little girl in her arms. She takes a minute just to stare at the baby. She brushes a strand of dark, wavy, brown hair out of the baby's eyes. The baby looks up at Olivia with great big dark blue eyes. Then Sophia wraps her golden brown hand around Olivia's finger. Just then the doctor walks in.

"Hi Miss Benson how are we today?"

"Fine," she lies.

"Well let's take a look at Sophia," he says as Olivia hands him the tiny little bundle.

He lies her down on the exam table. Olivia stands next to him as he looks at the baby.

"I see the jaundice has improved, in fact it looks like it's almost gone," he comments.

He listens to her heart. "Alright let's get her weighed," he says.

"Ok," Olivia agrees as she leans against the table to keep herself from falling over, she suddenly gets really dizzy.

"Five pounds twelve ounces," the doctor says as he hands her to Olivia.

"Good," she says trying not to throw up all over the place.

The doctor tries to take the baby's binky out of her mouth but she's sucking so hard that he decides to let her keep it.

"She looks good, right where she should be,"

"Great," Olivia feigns a smile as she fastens Sophia into her carseat.

"So where's Ava?"

"She's asleep. She was up with Sophia all night," Olivia tells him as she sits down in the chair. After resting in the chair for a second she stands up only to lose her balance and end up right back in the chair.

"Are you alright Miss Benson?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just a little bit dizzy,"

"How long have you been feeling dizzy?" the doctor asks in concern.

"Since I woke up this morning,"

"Only since this morning, or has it been something reoccurring?"

"I don't know," she answers just wanting to leave.

"Why don't I run a test or two,"

"No that's ok," she tells him.

"I think that maybe it would be a good idea," the doctor suggests. "I am a family physician," he reminds her.

"I really need to get home,"

"It'll only take me a minute to draw some blood,"

"Fine," she agrees as she extends her arm.

He wipes the crease of her arm with an alcohol swab and then draws some blood. He slaps on a band aid and lets her leave.

She takes the baby home to Ava. Ava is waiting on her.

"Hi mom," Ava says with half a mouth full of poptart.

"Hi," Olivia smiles as she shuts the door behind her.

Ava meets Olivia halfway, and scoops the baby out of the carseat.

"Hi precious," Ava smiles at the blue eyed baby.

"I've got to get to work, so what are your plans for the day?"

"I'm going to get her stuff together, and then Jayne and Adam are coming to pick us up to look at houses,"

"Great,"

"Then we're going to go to lunch, then we'll probably head back to the apartment,"

"Ok, love you bye," Olivia kisses Ava on the forehead. And then kisses Sophia and heads out the door.

Work is the same as usual. Olivia gets home around eleven. When she comes into the apartment She nearly trips over a box full of stuff. She kicks it out of the way, and follows the dim light into Ava's room. Ava is sitting in the floor trying to pack up her stuff. Olivia can tell she's having difficulty because Sophia is lying wide awake in Ava's lap.

"So it take it you found one you like,"

"Two the pictures are on the bed,"

Olivia grabs the pictures and joins Ava on the floor. She scours the pictures for a few minutes and then hands Ava the picture of the one she likes.

"That's the one I hoped you'd pick,"

"Why is she still awake?" Olivia asks as Sophia stares at her.

"I don't know. She won't go to sleep. Probably because I let her sleep all day,"

"Did you feed her?"

"NO I forgot to feed my baby in hopes that she would disappear if I didn't. Yes of course I fed her, and I bathed her, and I fed her again, and I changed her diaper, and I rocked her, and I sang to her, and I cuddled her. She still won't go to sleep,"

"I'll take her," Olivia says.

She grabs the baby's bouncy seat and takes it into the bathroom. She puts on the floor, and then throws her pajamas into the bathroom. She goes back into Ava's room and takes the baby. When Olivia gets out of the shower the baby is fast asleep in her bouncy chair. She gets dressed, and then takes the baby out of the bouncy chair. She takes her into her room, and lays her down in the bassinet, covers her up, and then goes back into Ava's room.

"She's asleep," Olivia informs her.

"K,"

Olivia tries to go to sleep but before she has the chance to Ava is in bed with her.

"Ava what are you doing?" Olivia asks nearly asleep.

"I packed up all my bed clothes by accident,"

"When do you plan on moving? It's not like we're moving tomorrow,"

"We have to be moved in by the end of the week,"

"Oh great,"

"Night,"

"Good night Ava,"

"Night mom,"

Olivia had been on autopilot for months. Same routine everyday. Of course it had changed since the baby was born, but it was pretty much the same everyday. She'd get up, get dressed, eat breakfast and then feed the baby. Then she'd grab her stuff and head to work. At work she'd avoid her issues with Elliot as much as possible. She tried to keep it down to only business. Then she'd get off work, go home, and take care of Ava and the baby. That part depended on what time she got home. She got home around one thirty the following day. She found a note that she'd gotten a phone call. She went into her room, and found Ava and Sophia asleep in there. She slipped on her pajamas and then went into the kitchen to warm up a bottle, because by this point it was nearly two o'clock. She went back to her room fed the baby, and went to sleep finally. Little did she know as much as things had changed in the last year was only the tip of the iceberg. Things were once again going to change. When she woke up it was about seven thirty. Ava was already up, but Sophia was still asleep. She got dressed and went into the kitchen to eat breakfast with Ava. As she was getting ready to eat the phone rang. She grabbed it before it could wake up the baby.

"Hello?" Olivia answers.

"Miss Benson this is doctor Grant,"

"Hi,"

"I just wanted to let you know that I got your test results back,"

Olivia had been so consumed with everything that was going on that she'd completely forgotten about having a test done. "Oh really,"

"I just thought that you'd like to know that everything is fine,"

"I figured,"

"But there is something that I need to tell you,"

"Oh," her voice drops.

"Miss Benson are you sitting down?"

"Yeah," she lies.

* * *

A/N: TBC I know I'm mean. As soon as I get seven or eight reviews I'll post the next chapter. Not until then, and I'm serious this time. I don't think that it would kill seven people to review. It might kill you not to know what happens though right? 


	8. And coming back down again

_A/N: As promised. I did say as soon as I got that many reviews so here it is guys. See I'm actually nice. Hope it's everything you wanted it to be. Please R+R._

* * *

"Congratulations you're pregnant," 

"Excuse me?"

"You're pregnant,"

"Ok, thank you. Bye," she says just wanting to get off the phone.

"Who was it?" Ava asks as she sits on the counter.

"No one," Olivia lies as she finishes her breakfast.

"Mom you need to get going you're going to be late for work,"

"K, bye I'll see you later,"

"Love you bye,"

"Bye," she hangs up.

When Olivia arrives at work Elliot knew something was off. He didn't ask though. At least not at first. He approaches her desk to inform her that they need to head to a scene.

"Hey Liv we've got to go," he announces.

She doesn't say anything she just gets up and quickly heads toward the bathroom. He doesn't follow her in, but he becomes concerned when she doesn't come out for fifteen minutes. Finally she comes out.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

"Yeah I'm fine," she lies.

"You sure,"

"Yes," she replies clearly annoyed with his persistence of the matter.

"Ok. So are you ready to go?" he asks her.

"Yes,"

The head to the scene. When they arrive things go relatively normally. When they go to see Melinda, Elliot can tell that there's definitely something off with Olivia. As Melinda goes over her findings Elliot notices that Olivia is tightly holding onto the table.

"Thanks," Elliot tells Melinda and then follows Olivia through the door. She nearly wipes him out as they start down the hallway.

"You ok?" he asks as she recovers her balance.

"I'm fine, please just drop it," she demands.

"Ok,"

They head back to the station. Just after they come back Cragen is looking for them. He grabs Elliot but doesn't see Olivia.

"Where's Olivia?" he asks Elliot.

"Bathroom," he tells her.

"Well she needs to hurry up. You two need to get to another crime scene,"

"Ok," as he turns to go find her she walks into the room.

"What'd I miss," she asks.

"We've got to go to another scene,"

"Ok," she feigns a smile.

Ten minutes after they arrive at the scene Elliot notices that Olivia isn't anywhere in sight.

"Where did Liv go?" he questions one of the C.S.U.'s

"She ran out, I'm not sure where she went,"

Elliot goes outside and finds Olivia standing outside just outside the crime scene tape. All of a sudden just as he gets ready to approach her she grabs her hair and holds it as she lurches forward. He gets to her just after she throws up.

"Are you ok?" he questions in concern.

"I'm fine," she lies.

Olivia does her best to get through the rest of the day without throwing up in front of Elliot anymore. By the time Olivia gets home she's completely exhausted. It's almost one in the morning when she gets home. She finds Ava sitting on the couch surrounded by boxes watching the T.V.

"Ava why are you still up?" she asks in a low voice.

"I can't sleep,"

"Why is something wrong? Is the baby still awake?"

"No she's asleep, and that's the problem,"

"How is that a problem?"

"I'm afraid if I fall asleep that when she wakes up I won't hear her. Or if I fall asleep she'll quit breathing. I keep going in and checking on her every ten minutes,"

"Why don't you try to get some sleep, she'll be fine,"

"I don't know if I can. Anyway how was your day?"

"It sucked," Olivia says as she maneuvers through the boxes and plops down on the couch next to Ava.

"Why?"

"Because I felt sick all day,"

"Please keep your germs to yourself then,"

"Not that kind of sick. Just run-down, and exhausted. Kind of light headed too,"

"And dizzy?"

"Yeah,"

"I've noticed. Are you ok? Something going on your not telling me about?"

"No," Olivia lies.

"Liar,"

"What?"

"You really should give me more credit,"

"So I'm taking Friday off so we can move," Olivia changes the subject.

"Mom, don't change the subject. I know what's going on,"

"Really?"

"Yeah,"

"I doubt it,"

"Ok, well I'll write it down and tape the piece of paper to the box. And then on Friday when we're unpacking you can read it, and tell me I'm right,"

"You're the craziest person I've ever met,"

"I know," she admits

Friday finally rolls around. It's about five in the evening. All the boxes are pretty much gone. There's an overnight bag full of clothes left as well as a diaper bag, a mattress and Sophia's playpin. Besides that the apartment is pretty much bare. Olivia's room still has her bed in it, besides the bare minimum that was it. Ava is sitting on her mattress– which is in the middle of the living room floor– changing the baby's diaper when there's a knock at the door. She quickly fastens the baby's diaper and scoops her up. She looks out the peephole, and unlocks the door.

"Hi," Elliot greets her with a bag of takeout. "I thought I'd bring you guys dinner,"

"Thanks," Ava says as she waves him into the kitchen.

He sits the food down and motions for the baby. Ava snaps Sophia's onesie closed and hands him the tiny little girl.

"Hi cutie," he coos at the baby as he takes a good look at her. He cradles her in his arms as Ava opens the bag.

"Did mom tell you that we're moving?"

"No,"

"We are, if you can't already tell," Ava says pointing to the living room.

"I see,"

"Yeah we've kind of run out of room,"

"So are you moving into a bigger apartment?"

"No, Adam's mom decided to buy a house,"

"That doesn't sound like Liv,"

"She's been different lately,"

"Speaking of your mom where is she?"

"Oh she's taking a shower,"

"Oh," he says as he looks at the baby.

"She should be out in a minute. She's been in there a long time,"

"Ok,"

The baby starts to whimper. Ava instinctively gets up, but Elliot sees a binky on the counter and gives it to Sophia.

Olivia comes out of her room, and sees Elliot standing in her kitchen with Sophia in his arms.

"Hi," she smiles.

"I brought you guys some Chinese,"

"Yeah he brought your favorite mom," Ava tells her.

"Thanks," she says as she joins them in the kitchen.

She catches the smell of the food and bolts in the other direction.

"I'll be right back," Ava says as she follows Olivia. She walks into the bathroom behind her, and grabs her hair.

Olivia doesn't say anything. She flushes the toilet wipes off her mouth, and grabs her toothbrush after she's throughly brushed and rinses Ava looks her dead in the eye.

"Mom you've got to tell him,"

"Tell him what?"

"I may still be your daughter, but I'm not a kid. I'm no fool I know what's going on, no matter how hard you try to hide it,"

"Ava just drop it. It's none of your business," Olivia snarls.

"Fine," Ava shakes her head as she leaves the room.

Olivia follows her back to the kitchen. She's about to make up an excuse about the awkward situation when Elliot's phone rings. He firmly holds to the baby with one hand and uses the other to answer the phone. He talks for about a minute and then hangs up.

"I've got to go. I have to pick up Dickie from practice," Elliot says as he offers the baby back to Ava. Before Ava can put her fork down Olivia steps in.

"I'll take her," Olivia offers.

Elliot gently hands off the baby to Olivia. He smiles says his goodbyes and leaves.

As he leaves Ava glowers at Olivia.

"What?" Olivia questions.

"Nothing mom," Ava lies as she swallows her food and then jumps off the counter. She moves past Olivia and heads for her phone. She walks into her empty room and makes a phone call. Olivia listens in.

"Hello?"

"Hi, babe," the voice on the other end says.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing why?"

"Can you come get me,"

"What for?"

"I need to get out for a while,"

"Where do you want to go?"

"It doesn't matter,"

"How about the movies?"

"Yeah ok hurry," she demands.

"K, I'm in the neighborhood so I should be there by the time you get downstairs,"

"K, love you bye,"


	9. Right back down to the floor

Ava hangs up. She puts her phone in her pocket and walks back into the living room. She kisses the baby, and then heads for the door.

"Where are you going?" Olivia asks her.

"Out," Ava replies.

"Where?"

"Just out,"

"Tell me where, who, what,"

"Don't worry mom, I won't bring home anything. No boys, no babies don't worry. I've learned my lesson. I just need to go out for a while ok?"

"No. You have responsibilities. You have a baby now you can't just leave whenever you feel like it,"

"Fine," Ava huffs.

She goes to the fridge and grabs a couple of bottles she sticks them in the diaper bag. She takes the baby and puts her in the carseat and walks away.

"Get it figured out. Other people need you too," Ava says as she rushes out the door.

Olivia just stood there in disbelief. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. Or when her daughter had grown up. It seemed just like yesterday the same girl was little enough to fit into her arms. But it wasn't yesterday. Yesterday it was her daughter's little girl in her arms. Sometimes Olivia wondered why this happened to her. Why her little girl had to deal with this she hadn't even finished high school yet. In her mind she blamed herself, she decided to change the cycle. She wouldn't do the same thing she'd done before. She'd tell Elliot instead of letting it all slip out of her control.

She hated to admit that she'd lied to her daughter most of her life. Ava's dad didn't die before she was born. That wasn't it at all. Olivia didn't tell him about Ava. They were supposed to get married, but that didn't happen because he ran off to California with another girl. The truth was Ava's father was a prick. Then when Ava was little her dad really did die, in a horrible car crash. Olivia blamed herself because the truth was Ava first asked about her dad when she was two. Olivia lied and not two days later did she find out he'd died in a car accident. She didn't really know what to do. She decided that her daughter deserved something better than her, so she left her with her grandparents. She wasn't going to screw up someone else's life this time. She was going to tell him before it was too late. She sat alone for an hour and finally mustered up enough courage to call him.

"Hello?" his voice answers.

"Hey Elliot," she swallows hard, "I was wondering what you were doing."

"I just dropped Dickie off at his mom's why?"

"I was wondering if you could come over,"

"Sure is something wrong?"

"No I just need to talk to you about something,"

"Yeah I'll be there in a few,"

Within fifteen minutes Elliot was on her doorstep.

"Come in," she tells him.

They go into the kitchen.

"I... I don't want to screw this up," Olivia admits.

"Ok?"

"I think I might have already though,"

"What do you mean?"

"Elliot you know how I feel about you..." she trails off.

"Yeah but it's nice to hear it,"

"I've had feelings for you for a very long time. I used to think it was something that I could get over, but I can't. I've never loved someone as much as I love you,"

"Me neither," he admits.

"But there's something I need to get off my chest,"

"What?" he asks as he moves in closer.

She swallows and attempts to answer truthfully, but something besides what she was trying to say comes out. "When I'm not with you I think about you, and I am with you I want to be _with _you,"

"Me too," he acknowledges as he moves another step closer.

"But I..." before she can tell him the news that's been hanging over her head for nearly a week he kisses her. And she kisses him back. She grabs his hand and pulls him into her room. And then she found herself right where she'd been before. But this was different. She didn't regret it at all this time because she knew her bed was already made. As she stares deep into his big eyes hoping that she'd never wake up in anyone else's arms she was suddenly reminded of the reason that she had made him come over. She jumps out of bed and quickly throws on her pajamas then she darts into the bathroom. After a few minutes Elliot calls out.

"Liv are you ok in there?"

"Yeah," she lies as she starts out of the bathroom. She feels light headed, and kind of dizzy as she walks out of the bathroom and steps into her bedroom. Elliot watches her as she comes toward him, and then all of a sudden she hits the floor. He jumps up and goes over to her. She doesn't respond. He throws on his clothes and calls an ambulance, and tells him that he'll meet them downstairs. Within two minutes he hears the ambulance coming closer and quickly. He gently scoops her into his arms and runs down flights of stairs and meets the ambulance. They load her in, and hops in with her not letting go of her hand. Then he thinks to call Ava. He flips open his phone and dials her number.

"Hello?"

"Ava this is Elliot," he says frantically.

"What's wrong? Is everything ok?"

"No can you meet me at St. Mary's?"

"Yeah why?"

"Your mom passed out we're on our way to the hospital,"

"Are you in the ambulance now?"

"Yeah,"

"Can you hand the phone to the emt?"

"Why?"

"Please just do it,"

"Ok," Elliot agrees as he hands the phone over to the emt.

"Hello?" the emt says.

"Hi, listen very carefully. She's pregnant I'm pretty sure that's why she passed out," Ava had none about what happened. She didn't know all the details but it was obvious. And it was obvious that Olivia was pregnant. What was she thinking when she thought Ava wouldn't figure it out. After all Ava had just had a baby herself, she knew the symptoms of pregnancy.

"Ok," the man says as he nods his head.

"Whatever you do under no circumstances are you to tell the man in the ambulance with her that she's pregnant. He doesn't know. Can you promise that you won't?"

"Yeah," he agrees as he hangs up and hands the phone back to Elliot.

When Ava gets to the hospital she finds Elliot in the waiting room.

"Why aren't you in there with her?"

"They won't let me in," he tells her.

"Why not?"

"I'm not family," he admits.

Ava could see the fear in his eyes. She could tell how much he loved her by the fact the he was so afraid to lose her.

"Will you watch the baby?" she asks as she sits the sleeping baby who's in her carseat on a chair next to Elliot.

"Uh huh,"

"Don't worry, she'll be fine," Ava reassures him.

"She's in room four just down the hall to the left," he tells her as she sets out to find Olivia.

When Ava arrives at the room a nurse is in the room checking on Olivia.

"Hi," Ava says softly.

"You can't be in here unless your family," the nurse warns.

"I'm her daughter Ava,"

"Ok,"

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"She's really dehydrated, she'll be fine after some rest,"

"Ok good,"

"The emt said that she's pregnant?"

"Yeah,"

"Do you know how far along?"

"No not really. Is the baby ok?"

"As far as we can tell. Has she been under any unusual stress lately?"

"She's a cop. Does that answer your question?"

"Oh,"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well the doctor seems to think that she fainted for more than one reason,"

"Oh,"

"Besides from being dehydrated it appears that she may have had a panic attack,"

"Oh,"

"Can her partner come in and see her? He's really worried about her,"

"Her life partner?"

"No her partner, as in Detective Stabler,"

"Yeah, but not for very long. But you'll have to leave, the doctor only wants one person in here with her at a time,"

"Ok," Ava agrees as she goes to get Elliot.

She slowly walks down the hall toward Elliot.

"Well?" he asks anxiously.

"She's fine, the nurse said you could go in and see her,"

"Ok,"

Ava sits down as he starts down the hall.

"Aren't you coming back?"

"Only one person is allowed in the room at the time,"

"Oh," Elliot says.

* * *

A/N: I know this was a shorter chapter. Sorry. If you review I might be persuaded to update again tomorrow. Ask and you shall receive right? Just drop me a review to make it happen.


	10. Crash

Elliot went home just before one. Ava and Sophia stay in the room with Olivia. The following morning around ten Olivia wakes up. She sees Ava sitting next to her quietly rocking Sophia.

"Where am I?" Olivia asks in a disoriented state.

"The hospital," Ava replies softly.

"What happened?" Olivia questions.

"You collapsed,"

Olivia thinks for a minute and then remembers. "I remember now. So..."

"What?"

"What happened? I mean why? Do you know?"

"They said that you're really dehydrated-my guess is it's probably from all the throwing up you've been doing– and that you might have had a panic attack on top of everything. They're not sure if you had a panic attack, but they want you to try to stay out of stressful situations because you're blood pressure is through the roof,"

"Did you tell him?"

"Tell who what?"

"Did you tell Elliot?"

"No. I wanted to, but I didn't because it's not my place,"

"It's not but I wouldn't have blamed you if you told him,"

"Mom you need to tell him. If you don't do you really think that he'll ever forgive you. Don't let him walk away just because it's easier. After all of this time are you really satisfied with where you are? I mean if you're partners and nothing more then I know you won't be. Mom you can't just let him go. He's a keeper. Don't wait to tell him exactly how you feel and what you want this time. Let him know. Your feelings toward him are reciprocal this time. It's not the same,"

"It's not the same as what?"

"As it was before,"

"Ava what are you talking about?"

"Don't wait for him to find somebody else before you tell him. You've got the chance and you need to take it,"

"What?"

"Mom make the same mistake again. Especially on my account,"

"What mistake,"

"Don't let him run off with some slut and never tell him how you feel about him. You have to tell him how you feel, and about the baby. He's not going to leave, but if you push him away long enough he will,"

"What is your obsession with him running off with someone?"

"Mom I know the truth about my dad, I'm not as naive as you think I am. I know what happened. The truth is I know more about it than you do,"

"Ava I don't understand,"

"I know he ran off with some girl, and then got killed in a car accident. I also know why he left,"

"Why?"

"Because of me,"

"No he didn't Ava. He didn't even know about you,"

"Yeah he did,"

"Where would you get that idea?"

"I found a letter he wrote grandma in the attic. He told her that he saw the pregnancy test in the trash. That he didn't know what to do so he was going to start over. He said he just wasn't ready for a kid, so he was going to take off with his ex Kerry-Ann,"

"Ava..."

"Yeah mom that's what happened. Men are a little bit smarter than we give them credit for. Elliot probably knows. I mean after all he does have four kids already, you'd think he'd know the signs by now. Don't ya think?"

Before Olivia can answer her cell phone rings. She flips it open without even looking at her caller I.D.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Liv, it's Elliot,"

"What's wrong?" She knows by the tone of his voice the something is up.

"Is Ava there with you?" he asks.

"Yeah why?"

"Do not let her out of the room,"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm in a bus headed into St. Mary's,"

"Are you ok,"

"I'm fine. I'm on my way here with an accident victim. We were driving back to the station when a pedestrian got hit by a drunk driver,"

"Ok?"

"They don't think that he's going to make it,"

"I don't get what you're trying to tell me,"

"Liv, it's Adam,"

"What?"

"It's Adam... her Adam,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes positive I checked his I.D. half a dozen times. It's him I'm sure,"

"Bye," she hangs up. She raises her eyes and stares at her daughter.

"What?" Ava asks as she meets her mother's glance.

"Nothing," she lies.

"Are you sure?"

"I was just thinking that you look tired,"

"Yeah, I didn't sleep much last night,"

"Did Sophia keep you up?"

"No she slept through the night, I just felt this eerie feeling that something bad was about to happen,"

"Do you still feel that way?"

"No," she admits.

"I think I'm going to go get a cup of coffee do you want anything,"

"Why don't you wait?"

"For what?"

"Why don't you wait until Sophia falls asleep,"

"I guess,"

"Why don't you give her to me,"

"Why?"

"Maybe instead of going to get coffee you could just try to get some rest while I'm awake with her,"

"Ok," Ava sheepishly agrees.

Ava falls asleep, but Sophia doesn't. Olivia cuddles her until Elliot comes in.

"Hey," Olivia says quietly not wanting to wake Ava.

"Hey," he smiles at the sight of Olivia holding Sophia.

"Well?" she asks hoping that Ava can't hear what they're saying while she's asleep.

"He didn't make it,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, his mom met us here. She's hysterical,"

"How am I going to tell her?"

"I don't know,"

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?" he answers entranced as he stares at her eyes.

"About last night..."

"What about it?"

"What I was going to tell you,"

"Right,"

"I... I think you should sit down," she advises.

"Ok," he sits on the edge of the bed.

"I've got some news..."

"What kind of news?"

"I don't know just news,"

"Ok what is it?"

"I..." before she can tell him Ava suddenly jolts from her sleep.

"Where is he?" she says frantically.

"Who Ava?" Olivia asks.

"Adam,"

"Why?"

"Just tell me where he is. This isn't right. It can't be..."

"Ava calm down what's wrong?" Olivia questions.

"I had a dream that he was gone. I had a dream that I was there at his funeral with Sophia. The casket was open, but I couldn't even look at him. Just tell me he's ok,"

"I..." Olivia can't bring herself to say anything.

"Elliot," she looks at him and knows.

"No," she says in tears.

Before they can say anything to comfort her she begins speaking once again but this time in a solemn voice, "I need to see him,"

"I'll take you," Elliot tells her.

When they get to the body Ava sees Jayne. Ava sees Adam's lifeless body out of the corner of her eye and turns around and buries her head in Elliot's chest. Jayne wipes her eyes, and walks over to Ava.

"Ava,"

"Yeah?" she says still hidden from the situation.

"Can you turn around for a second?"

"No,"

Elliot moves his body to shield the sight of Adam from Ava.

"Here, he wanted you to have this," Jayne tells her as she hands Ava a little black box.

Ava opens the box and sees a diamond ring. She takes a deep breath and buries her head in Elliot's chest again.

"Can we go now?" she asks through the tears.

He nods and follows her.

"What happened?" Ava asks curiously.

"He was crossing the street to go back to his car when a drunk driver came out of nowhere and hit him going sixty miles an hour,"

"It just isn't right,"

"I know," he tells her as they walk back to the room.

* * *

A/N: So what do you think? If I get ten I'll update tomorrow. 


	11. Undercover or undercovers?

When they get back to Olivia's room she doesn't say a word. She just sits down in a chair next to Olivia.

"Do you want some coffee or something?" Elliot asks Ava.

She takes a deep breath, attempts to wipe away her tears and replies, "Yeah,"

"I'll go get you some,"

"Why don't I come with you?"

He waits by the door for her. They walk out of the room toward the cafeteria.

"Ask her," Ava says quitely.

"What?"

"Ask her," Ava replies.

"Ask her what?"

"What you've been waiting to ask her for nine years,"

"And what would that be?"

"Ask her to marry you,"

"What?"

"She needs you. I need you too,"

"What do you need me for? It seems like you've got it pretty together to me,"

"Don't lie. I need you to ask her. I need a normal family. I guess maybe not normal, but something. I've never had that. Everything just keeps changing, and to be honest it scares me. You guys are cops you have to make a move before something happens and you don't have the chance anymore,"

"How can you think about this after what just happened?"

"How can I not? I'm young I'll have a thousand more chances to find someone else I love. No offense but you guys are getting kind of old. Don't you think it's time you make a commitment? There are a thousand things I would change right now if I could. If I knew what was going to happen today I would have done some things differently. And I know I have to mourn my loss but I can't let it dictate my life because I have too many reasons that I have to keep on going,"

"Sophia,"

"And to make you two come to your senses. If you don't take a step in the right direction what will happen if one of you dies? I mean I know that's harsh but that's life,"

"How can you think about this when..."

"Cause if I don't I'll lose my mind. I know that it sounds stupid but I really did love Adam. I know I'm only sixteen and nobody takes me seriously but I know what love is. I thought that I had the rest of my life to spend with him. That I had all of the time in the world to say yes to him, to have a life with him, and now it's all gone. I don't have that anymore. Now I have a baby I have to take care all by myself, for the rest of my life, it's just me and her. She doesn't have a father anymore, and I never did so I'm probably in over my head but I don't have a choice. I have my mom, and Sophia and that's it. I guess I just want my mom to be happy, and she won't be unless she's with you,"

"Why are you so adamant about us being together?"

"Because you can't hold on to something you never had. You can't cling to someone if you lose them. But if you get the chance to show them what they mean to you, you can try. Plus some things are just meant to be," she says as her eyes well up.

"How did you get to be so wise?"

"I had to grow up faster than most. You try getting pregnant and having a baby when you're barely sixteen. You've kind of got to figure some things out to keep your sanity,"

Elliot gets paged and has to leave. Olivia gets released from the hospital around noon and finishes moving into the new house.

The following day at work:

Almost as soon as Elliot and Olivia get to work they are being summoned by Cragen.

"Benson, Stabler," Cragen calls out.

"Yeah captain?" Elliot says as they approach him.

"I'm going to need you guys to go undercover,"

"Ok,"

"We've got everything set up. You're going to pretend to be a married couple. Kate and Peter Walker,"

"Ok," they agree obligingly.

After a brief explanation of the situation they're on their way upstate. Liv breaks out her phone to call home.

"Hello," a sleepy voice on the other end answers.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No. Aren't you at work?"

"Yeah,"

"Then why are you calling me?"

"Elliot and I are on an assignment undercover. I'm not sure how long we're going to be undercover,"

"Ok,"

"Do you need anything?"

"No,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've got to go Sophia just woke up,"

"Ok. Ava..."

"Yeah?"

"Love you,"

"Love you too mom bye,"

"Bye," Olivia hangs up.

"You know we have plenty of time before we need to be there. We could stop for a bite of something,"

"I'm not really hungry,"

"Crap," Elliot says after a brief look at his hand.

"What?"

"We don't have any wedding bands,"

"So?"

"We're supposed to be married,"

"Where are we going to get wedding bands?"

"We could always just get married for real,"

She just looks at him.

"I'm serious,"

"What?!" she raises her eyebrow as she reaches for the water bottle sitting in the cup holder.

"Never mind,"

By the time they get to where they're going it's almost five. They pretend to move into their new house. They unpack their suitcases, wash up and get ready for dinner.

"Do you want me to cook?" Olivia asks as she sits on the edge of the bed as Elliot comes out of the bathroom.

"Let's just go out. Actually I'd rather just order in. I'm sick of being in a car,"

"Me too. What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't even care,"

"Pizza?"

"I guess,"

"Can you hand me the phone?" he asks.

"Yeah," she gives him the phone along with a phone book.

"Delivery," he says into the phone. "Pete Walker 3282 Green Drive,"

"Breadsticks," Olivia whispers to Elliot.

He nods and then turns his attention to the phone again, "I'd like a large pepperoni with an order of bread sticks. Ok, thanks bye," he hangs up.

"How long?"

"About an hour,"

"Ok,"

"Good that's enough time to go over what our story is going to be,"

"Ok," he agrees.

"How long have we been married?"

"Six years,"

"Known each other?"

"Nine,"

"Met at?" she questions.

"On a flight to Florida,"

"And we were going there because we had both just gotten out of a serious relationship and needed some down time,"

"Ok,"

"Then we realized we were staying at the same hotel, and we kept bumping into each other,"

"Ok," he agrees.

Elliot digs around his suit case. He pulls out a little black box.

He explains what he's about to ask with this, "I'm serious about this. For real. Not just cause we're supposed to be. But in real life,"

"Ok?" she says as she looks at him. He drops down to one knee. "What are you doing?" she asks him.

"I think that we've wasted enough time being stubborn," he begins as he opens the box. "I think it's time we did something right. I was wondering if you'd marry me?"

She's so shocked that she doesn't say anything.

"Will you?" he asks.

"She told you didn't she?"

"No she demanded that I ask you,"

"So she didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I'll tell you later. I don't want to blow this,"

"Blow what?"

"What we're supposed to be doing undercover,"

"How would you blow it?"

"I'll tell you later,"

"Before or after you answer my question,"

"After,"

"So what is your answer,"

"Yes,"

"Yes?"

"Uh huh,"

He slips the ring on to her finger. It's a perfect fit. Just as he's about to kiss there's a knock on the door. She runs down the stairs to answer the door.

"Hi! Are you Mrs. Walker?" A chipper thirty something red headed man asks.

"Yes I am,"

"Is your husband home?"

"Yeah hold on," She calls up the stairs, "Pete honey,"

"Yes dear?" he calls back as he starts down the stairs.

He joins her at the door.

"Hi, I'm Mr. Friedman I live three doors down," the redhead introduces herself.

"Hi Mr. Friedman I'm Pete and this is my wife Kate,"

"Nice to meet you," he smiles. "You can call me Ethan,"

"Nice to meet you Ethan," Olivia smiles.

"I just wanted to stop by and welcome you to the neighborhood,"

"Thanks,"

"So do you two have any kids?" he asks as he looks past them into the house.

"No not yet," Olivia answers.

"Oh, what a shame. I was hoping that you did. My little girl Anna is four, and my son Alex is six, but there aren't very many kids around here. We just moved here about a week ago ourselves,"

"Oh,"

"If you need anything just stop by,"

"Ok we will,"

"See you around. Bye bye," Ethan smiles as she walks away.

Elliot shuts the door.

"My face hurts from smiling so much," Olivia tells him.

"I hope the rest of the neighborhood isn't as chipper as he is," he admits.

* * *

A/N: I know that it probably wouldn't all go that easily, but I think it's time for something uplifting to happen? Something a little less horrible and traumatic. RR. 10 reviews update.


	12. Secrets

After two days Olivia and Elliot finally catch a break in the case. Olivia goes out to check the mail and sees Ethan with his daughter Anna. Olivia waves at Ethan. Ethan comes over to say hi and to introduce Anna.

"Hi Kate,"

"Hi Elaine," Olivia feigns a smile.

"Anna can you say hi to Mrs. Walker,"

"Hi," Anna says shyly as she looks at the ground.

"If you ever need a babysitter just let me know I'd be glad to lend a hand," Olivia admits.

"Really? I need to go pick her brother Alex up from school do you think you could watch her for about half an hour?"

"Sure," Olivia agrees.

"Great. Anna daddy's going to go pick up Alex you're going to stay with Mrs. Walker for a while. Ok?"

"Uh huh," the brunette nods quietly.

"Come on," Olivia motions for the little girl's hand.

Anna follows Olivia into the house.

"Peter," Olivia calls up the stairs, "Can you come down here for a minute?"

"Sure,"

He walks downstairs and finds Olivia with the little girl in the living room.

"Peter I'd like you to meet Anna. Anna this is my husband Peter,"

"Hi Anna nice to meet you," Elliot says.

"Hi," she says sadly.

"Are you ok Anna you seem a little bit sad," Olivia asks.

"I miss my mommy and daddy," the little girl admits.

"Your daddy just left, he'll be back in no time,"

"He's not my daddy,"

"What do you mean sweetheart?" Olivia asks.

"He took me from my mommy,"

"Anna are you sure?"

"My name isn't Anna either. I'm Emily,"

"Ok, what about your brother Alex? Is he really your brother?"

"Yes. But his name is really Justin he's six. Please take me home,"

"I'm going to try sweetheart," Olivia vows.

Elliot sneaks upstairs to call the captain.

Not long after Ethan arrives home with Alex, and goes to pick up Anna. Ethan knocks on the door and Olivia immediately answers.

"Hi,"

"Hi, Kate,"

"Who is this handsome little guy?"

"This is my son Alex. Is Anna ready to go?"

"You know she was watching T.V. and she fell asleep. I'll go get her though,"

"Please. I really need to get to the grocery store. It's been really hard to get everything done since their mom passed,"

"You know instead of waking her up you could just leave her here until you get back. I could keep an eye on Alex too if you wanted. I mean I'm sure that it's easier to go to the grocery store without them,"

"That would be great. Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure," Olivia reassures her.

"Alex can you stay with Kate while I go to the grocery store?"

"Ok," he agrees.

"Bye sweetheart,"

"Bye," he says as he comes in. Olivia shuts and locks the door behind him.

"Alex why don't you go watch T.V. with your sister,"

"I thought you said she was asleep,"

"I lied. I'll be back in a minute,"

"Ok,"

She walks upstairs to the bedroom.

"Well?"

"Fin and Munch are going to meet us at the hospital,"

"Why are they meeting us at the hospital?"

"That's the only heli-pad that's near by,"

"Ok,"

"I've got everything packed. I'm going to go put the suitcases in the car while you get them ready. Ok?"

"Alright," she agrees.

They both head downstairs. Elliot takes the suitcases through the living room into the garage where the car is parked and Olivia heads into the living room to get the kids.

"What's going on?" The little boy asks.

"Justin, I'm a cop. My real name is Olivia. I'm going to take you and your sister Emily home to your real parents,"

"Ok,"

"Justin did Ethan hurt you or your sister?"

"No,"

"Did he touch you anywhere?"

"No,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes,"

"Do you think he did anything to your sister?"

"No,"

"Ok. Are you guys ready to go?"

"Yeah," Justin says, "But Emily really did fall asleep,"

"That's ok,"

Olivia picks up the little girl and grabs the little boy's hand. She takes them into the garage and puts them in the car. She buckles them in and gets into the front seat.

"Justin I need you and your sister to duck down when we pull out. Don't come up until I tell you ok?" Elliot asks.

"Ok,"

Before Elliot pulls out of the garage his cell phone rings. He answers it and after about a minute he turns to Olivia.

"Local authorities have Ethan in their custody,"

"Let's go,"

"I almost feel bad for the guy,"

"Why?"

"Well he only took them because he wanted to be a dad..."

"I thought that he had kids,"

"He did his wife, son, and daughter were in a fire,"

"That's horrible,"

"I know. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to my kids,"

She doesn't say anything. She has a chance but decides not to take it for whatever reason.

Elliot and Olivia meet Fin and Munch at the hospital and see Emily and Justin off. Munch and Fin inform Elliot and Olivia that the captain wants them to take a few days off. Elliot decides to stop off at a quaint coffee shop for a nice lunch before driving home. Before they order Elliot pretends to go wash his hands. He really goes to the bathroom to make a phone call.

"Hello?" a voice on the other end answers.

"Hey Ava it's Elliot,"

"Hi,"

"How long would it take you to pack?"

"What?"

"I asked her,"

"Ok?"

"Can you get packed quickly?"

"I don't know it might take me a while to get all of the baby's stuff together. Where are you anyway?"

"We're in Hoosick Falls its near Albany. So it's about a three and a half hour drive,"

"Why do you want me do come up there?"

"I want to go to Niagra falls for the weekend,"

"Why?"

"I want to marry your mom,"

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"After thinking about it for a while I realized that you're right. I love her I want to marry her. And I want you to be here,"

"Ok, I'll make arrangements to bee there a.s.a.p."

"Ok,"

"I'll text you back with the plan,"

"Ok,"

Ava calls Jayne and makes a plan to get to Hoosick Falls. Jayne decides to send Ava on the helicopter while. It takes Ava about a 45 minutes to pack. Ava gets packed and takes the helicopter to Hoosick falls. She text's Elliot before she gets packed. He decides that after Lunch he'll meet her at the hospital. When Elliot and Olivia leave the restaurant he doesn't tell her where they're going. When they arrive at the hospital she's utterly confused.

"Wait here," he tells her.

She does what he says. A few minutes later he loads the stuff into the back of the S.U.V. and then he fastens in a carseat. At this point Olivia turns around and stares at him in confusion.

"What are you doing?" She asks.

Before he can answer he's got Sophia in his arms putting fastening her into the carseat.

"Ok, go ahead and get in," he says as he gets out of the backseat.

Ava slips into the backseat and Elliot gets into the driver's seat.

"Hi, mom,"

"I'm confused," Olivia admits.

"We're going to Nigra Falls," Elliot tells her.

"What?! Why?"

"It's a secret I'll keep from you until you tell him yours," Ava threatens.

"How did everything go?" Olivia asks compassionately.

"Not great. Exhausting, I'm just glad that it's all over,"

"Did you do ok with Sophia?" Liv asks.

"Uh huh. Will you tell him already?"

"Ava I will tell him when I'm ready,"

"You really shouldn't keep secrets from your husband,"

"He's not my husband... yet,"

"I know, but he will be soon, and you need to tell him,"

"I will,"

"When? By the time you get around to telling him it'll be painstakingly obvious,"

"Ava just drop it,"

"Fine," Ava agrees.

"Thank you," Olivia huffs in an exhausted tone.

"But you are going to tell him right? Before..."

Olivia cuts her off, "Yes I'll tell him,"

"When?"

"Soon,"

"Soon when?"

"Soon Ava just drop it,"

"What aren't you telling me?" Elliot asks after trying to ignore them as long as possible.

"Nothing,"

"Liv don't lie,"

"I'll tell you soon,"

"How soon?"

"With in the end of the week," she promises not sure whether or not she'll be able to keep that promise. She was just waiting. Waiting until she had an opportunity in which when she told him he would be happy, and calm.

* * *

_A/N: Ten reviews and I'll update again. Just have a little bit of patience she's going to tell him soon. _


	13. Dreams

It doesn't take long for all three of the girls in the car to fall asleep. They get to the hotel at about nine. Elliot checks in gets the room keys carries up the luggage and then wakes Ava and Olivia up.

"Ava," he says softly as he gently shakes Ava.

"Huh?"

"Time to wake up sweetheart we're here,"

"Ok," she takes deep breath and looks out the window to find a quaint little shop adjacent to the parking lot. "Will you take Sophia upstairs I want to go into that store over there I have a couple things I need to do for tomorrow. You know old, new, borrowed, blue,"

"Yeah sure," he agrees as she grabs her purse and hops out of the car. "Hi, cutie," he says as he crawls into the backseat to unfasten Sophia's carseat. She stares up at him with big blue eyes. He takes her carseat and covers it up with a blanket. He then takes her out of the car closes the door and moves to the front. He opens the passengers side door and unbuckles Liv. He whispers, "Liv we're here wake up,"

"K," she yawns.

They go upstairs. Elliot turns on some t.v. and cuddles with the baby while Liv goes to take a shower. After a few minutes there's a knock on the door. Elliot gets up with the baby and looks out the peephole of the hotel door.

"I kind of need a key,"

"Right," he grabs the key out of his pocket.

"Where is my room anyway?"

"Across the hall," he tells her.

"K,"

She walks across the hall dumps her shopping bag and goes back across the hall.

"What?" he questions.

"Sophia,"

"Why don't you go take a shower. You need a few minutes to yourself too,"

"I already had a few minutes,"

"Just go," he orders her.

"Fine. You're getting married tomorrow," she reminds him.

Just as she walks back across the hall and he gets comfortable again Liv comes into the room from her shower.

"Hi," he smiles at her as she towels off her wet head.

She doesn't say anything she just collapses in the bed next to him. She looks at him with the baby and smiles. But then she can't help but ask.

"Why are we really here?"

"I think we all just need a mini-vacation,"

"You're not a very good liar," she tells him.

"I think I'm a quite skilled liar,"

"But you can't lie to me," she reminds him.

"I know, but I'm not going to tell you,"

"I heard,"

"Heard what?" he plays dumb as he looks at Sophia hoping that Liv's eye's won't burn through him.

"She said something about you getting married tomorrow,"

"Yeah I'm getting married to the man,"

"You're already married to the man,"

"So? I want to make it official,"

"You're going to marry me aren't you?"

"Yeah that's what the ring's for,"

"Tomorrow? Are we getting married tomorrow?" She asks getting slightly giddy.

"I don't know why?"

"I wanna know,"

"I'm not telling you until you tell me what you're hiding from me,"

"What are you talking about? I'm not hiding anything from you,"

"Whatever, you can't lie to me. I'll figure out eventually,"

"I can't tell you. Not until tomorrow," she teases.

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't understand. I'll explain it tomorrow,"

"K,"

As if cued Ava knocks on the door.

"Are you out of the shower already?" Elliot asks.

"Yeah,"

"I'll bring her over in a minute," he says with the door still unopened.

"K," she agrees.

He grabs Sophia's binky, carseat, and blanket and goes next door.

"Stay here," he tells Liv as he leaves.

He goes next door and gives Sophia to Ava.

"Ok, here's the plan,"

"Yeah,"

"You need to be up by seven thirty. I'll wake your mom up and then you'll take her next door to the hair place. The woman knows why you're coming and she'll get you two out of there by ten. Then bring her back upstairs to your room. The blind fold will be the last thing you get at the hair salon, when you get upstairs get help her get changed, and then you need to get changed too. At eleven I'll meet you at the chapel which is just across the street. Got it?"

"Yeah but where is Sophia going to be?"

"I'll keep her with me. I can take care of her. Her dress is in her diaper bag right?"

"No I hung it up in the closet,"

"Ok,"

"K,"

"Night Ava,"

"Night Elliot,"

Elliot goes back to his room and finds Olivia surprisingly still awake. He crawls in bed with her turns off the light and cuddles her closely.

"Did she make it back alright?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah," he tells her softly as he tries to relax.

"Good,"

"Liv,"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah sure what?"

"Ava's dad you said that he's gone, what exactly does that mean?"

"He left when I was pregnant with her, but he died in an accident when she was two or so,"

"So he's not coming back?"

"No. Even if he were alive he wouldn't come back he was a prick to begin with. He already had a kid with someone else when I met him. And he didn't take care of that one either so I probably should have figured it out before I got pregnant. I mean I couldn't not have Ava, but sometimes I just wish that I had picked a better guy to be her father. Maybe that way she would have had a dad in her life,"

"Yeah," he says as he kisses her on the forehead before closing his eyes.

That night Olivia has a dream.

_She was at a party with Rich–Ava's father– when she walked in on him all over another girl. At this point they were in New York, just outside of the city. She walked around for a while outside and after a few too many drinks found someone to talk to. He was a slim dark haired guy around her age with big blue eyes. He was really drunk too, he told her that he and his wife had a big fight and he came out to have a good time with his buddies. She flashes forward to the following morning, mainly because it was the next thing she could remember. She opens her eyes and sees that she's laying next to the man in someone's bed. As she crawled out of the bed she realized that she had just done something stupid. _

_End of dream_

She wakes up and looks at the clock that reads 3:17 A.M. She swallows hard, takes a sip of water from a bottle on the bedside stand, and then gets up to go pee. After peeing as she groggily washes her hands she realizes it wasn't a dream at all it was a memory that she had blocked out, or forgotten due to her inebriated state. As she thought back she recalled looking into Rich's eyes as he was half naked with some other girl. Same color as the way he treated her–crap– so basically a dark, poop colored, ugly brown. She remembered the distinct blue eyes of her mysterious man as she crawled back into bed. As she quietly snuggled into the covers she was met with a pair of distinct blue eyes.

"What time is it?" he asks her in a low sleepy voice.

"A little after three, go back to bed," she tells him.

He stares at her for a moment and then closes his eyes and goes back to sleep.

Elliot had a little dream too.

_It was just after he and his wife had a huge fight. They were always fighting about something. And it just got worse after Maureen came along. Things never seemed to settle down. Elliot just needed to get away from everything for awhile. It was early in his marriage, he was young and he thought things were about to fall apart. He had a toddler, and a new baby at home. He was scared and upset and just needed some time. He left for a couple of days to cool off. He went to a party with a couple of his army buddies. They'd gotten him nice and liquored up before they even got to the party. He remembered meeting some beautiful brown eyed girl. And then waking up the next morning naked, and alone in his buddy's apartment with the smell of her perfume on the bed next to him. _

At around seven Ava is awakened by the sound of her cell phone.

"Hello?" she yawns as she answers the phone. Before the voice on the other end can respond she's up and on the other side of the room looking at Sophia while she sleeps.

"Hi Ava it's grandma. Did I wake you up I'm sorry,"

"It's ok I needed to wake up anyway,"

"We just got back from vacation. We've haven't been home since June,"

"Wow, sounds like you've been busy,"

"Any way I woke up this morning and realized that I hadn't wished you a happy birthday. So happy belated birthday,"

"Thanks grandma,"

"How are you? Are things going ok?"

"I'm hanging in,"

"You sound upset did something happen?"

"Yeah haven't you heard yet?"

"Heard what?"

"Adam got killed,"

"What?"

"He died,"

"I'm so sorry to hear that..."

Ava interrupts her due to the fact that she'd interrupted herself, "Hold on grandma," she tells her as she scoops the whimpering baby out of the playpin and goes to the fridge to warm up a bottle. She puts the bottle in the microwave while trying to soothe the baby. She then picks the phone back up.

"Sorry about that," Ava apoligizes.

"What's that noise?"

"Just Sophia," Ava admits.

"Who?"

"Sophia,"

"Who is Sophia? Is someone crying? It sounds like a baby,"

"I just said that it's Sophia,"

"Who is Sophia?"

"The baby,"

"What baby?" he grandmother asks momentarily forgetting why Ava was forced to leave in the first place.

"My baby," Ava says as she sits down while swaddling the baby and gives he a warm bottle.

"Your baby? Oh I didn't know that you had her. I didn't know you were going to keep her,"

"Well I did. And she's gorgeous and perfect,"

"Oh,"

Ava could hear the disappointment in her grandmother's voice. "Grandma don't be disappointed. I'm going great. I'll admit things haven't exactly gone as planned, but I wouldn't change things. She's so precious, you wouldn't even believe,"

"I'm sure that she is. I've got to go Ava,"

"Bye," she says as she hangs up the phone.

She just stares at her daughter. She couldn't help but think about how much this tiny one month old little girl had changed her life. She then focused on the task at hand. She undressed the baby changed her diaper, wiped her down with baby wipes and then dressed her in a tiny little purple polka dotted dress.

Before she knew it Ava had walked her mother to the chapel and was getting ready to walk her down the aisle. She handed her mother a bouquet of her favorite flowers and then untied the blindfold which had covered her eyes.

* * *

_A/N: Suspense, mystery and intrigue. It just keeps getting more interesting doesn't it? But I know you all want for Olivia to tell Elliot about the baby. It's coming. Very, very soon. Read and review. 12 reviews and I'll update. _


	14. Answers and suspicions

* * *

"This is it," she whispered to her mother. 

Olivia looked down took a deep breath and then took another look at her nearly grown daughter. For a moment she flashed back to when Ava was just a little girl. She finally started getting hair when she was about a year old and it was fire red just like Ava's personality. She remembered those little curls. That was always what made Olivia think of Ava's dad the most, the bright red curls, just like him. When Ava was little she never really looked much like Rich or Olivia. She had Olivia's mouth and perfect smile, and she had Rich's red curls but it always puzzled her where the blue eyes came from. The eyes were a mystery because no one in either family had blue eyes. She never really thought about it, not until now. Now as she stared at her daughter she saw nothing of the girl's father. It was true that she still shared a mouth and smile with the girl, but that was it. Her hair was now wavy and blonde. Normally it was strawberry blonde but during the summer it always turned blonde. The eyebrows were a mystery too they were perfectly shaped it was true that they still had to be maintained, but their shape was perfect. As Olivia stared at her daughter she was nearly convinced that she had been wrong. Before she could finish her thought Ava was tugging on her arm.

"It's time," Ava said as the doors opened and the music began to play.

Olivia smiled and joined arms with her daughter. She slowly walked down the aisle and at the end joined Elliot. There they stood right by the fall. It was absolutely gorgeous. The sun was shining, not a blinding shine, just right. And it was warm. Not muggy, and thankfully it wasn't cold. The sound of the fall was absolutely wonderful. It was peaceful and calm.

That seemed to be the longest few minutes of all of their lives. Not that they minded because it was beautiful, but they just wanted to finally be married. Then finally the preacher announced, "You may now kiss the bride,"

They snapped pictures and smiled genuinely for the first time in quite a while. They quickly headed back to the hotel because they were all itching to get out of their wedding clothes. They figured after a quick change they could go for dinner, and then enjoy the sites.

Ava takes the baby back to her room with her and Olivia and Elliot go back to their room to change. After changing they both sit down on the bed for a minute.

"What were you doing awake at three this morning?" Elliot asks.

"I just had a dream,"

"A bad dream?"

"I don't know,"

"Do you do know what was it about?"

"It doesn't matter. Elliot I have something to tell you,"

"Ok, what?"

"Well I didn't want to tell you before the wedding,"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to think that you only married me for this sole reason,"

"I married you because I love you, and Ava was about to strangle me if I didn't do it now. I mean I was ready she just had to give me a kick to make me get the nerve up,"

"El..."

"What?"

"I. I have a question," she changes her mind about telling him right away.

"Yeah?"

"What about your kids? I mean you're going to come live with us so what about them?"

"What about them?"

"They're going to stay with us when you have them right?"

"I don't know. I should have asked them about all of this. I don't know how they're going to react. They may not even want to talk to me,"

"You underestimate them,"

"I guess. If they still want to talk to me and see me yeah I guess they'll stay with us. But how many bedrooms does your new house have?"

"Ava sleeps in the attic with Sophia. Well I mean it's finished it's a room. Then my... our room is on the second floor. There are three bedrooms on the second floor. Then the basement has two bedroom. The basement is finished too. The living room in the basement has a sleeper sofa. So 6 bedrooms. Ava and Sophia are up top. Us then Elizabeth upstairs and Dickie and Kathleen will probably want to be in the basement so they have their privacy. And then Maureen can stay in Kathleen's room when she comes to visit. And that's all the rooms,"

"How did you get such a big house? And why did you need one so big?"

"It's a long story. It used to be a small apartment complex but then it was bought by some wealthy family and they turned it into a house for their family,"

"How did you get it?"

"Don't ask,"

"Ok. But wait that only accounts for five bedrooms. What about the other one? Do you have plans for that one?"

"Yes,"

"What?"

"That's what I was going to tell you,"

"Oh,"

"Someone else needs the room,"

"Who?"

"I don't know,"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"They don't really have a name,"

"What? Liv you're losing me here. Let me get this right someone else needs the room but you don't know who and you don't know their name right?"

"Right,"

"So how does this relate to what you want to tell me?"

"Because it is what I want to tell you,"

"What do you want to tell me?"

"Just promise me that you'll be calm, and you won't freak out,"

"I promise,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes,"

"Because I can wait,"

"Liv you're killing me here just tell me already," he demands in a slightly agitated tone.

"El... I... well we're," she stutters. She wants him to know, but at the same time she doesn't really want to tell him.

"You're what?" He asks.

"I'm pregnant. We're having a baby," she says as a weight lifts off her chest.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant,"

"Pregnant?"

"Uh huh,"

"We're having a baby?"

"Yeah,"

"Wow!"

"I know that this is a lot to happen all at once but..."

"It's ok. I want nothing more than to have a baby with you. I didn't realize that it would happen now, but I'm happy about it,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm thrilled,"

"Elliot I don't want people at work to know,"

"Why not?"

"I think that it's better if we just keep our private lives private. I don't want another partner I wouldn't feel safe with one, and I don't think that I'd want another partner,"

"Then if we have a fight at home we have to leave it at home,"

"I know,"

"What are you going to do when the baby comes? I mean when you start showing what are you going to tell the captain?"

"I tell him when he asks. I'll just tell him that I decided that it was time to have a baby and leave it at that,"

"What are you going to do when he asks who it is?"

"I'll say that I don't know because it's a donor,"

"And then I'll tell him that when you have the baby I'd like to take a couple days off to help you out,"

"I hope it works,"

"You realize we won't be able to hide it forever," he tells her.

"I know,"

"What about Casey? You know she'll put the pieces together. Eventually, it might take a little while but not very long. She knows you well enough to figure out that something's going on. And if you tell her then you'll have to tell her about Ava,"

"She won't ask... at least I hope. I don't think she will,"

"While were on the subject of Ava just out of curiosity who does Ava look like? I mean she doesn't look much like you. She has your attitude, but not your looks. I mean the lips, and teeth are the same, and the smile, but the eyes and nose and hair are completely different. Does she look like her dad?"

"I don't know who she looks like. She doesn't really look like anyone I guess. She's just her own person,"

"Oh... Speaking of Ava did she get lost or something? I thought we were going to dinner,"

"I'll go check on her," Olivia says.

She walks out of the room grabbing her key on the way out. She walks across the hall and knocks gently on the door. There's no answer. Olivia knocks again, nothing. On the third knock she can hear the baby starting to cry.

"Ava?" she calls out. There's still no answer so she unlocks the door with the room key and goes in. She sees the baby sitting on the bed still strapped into her carseat. She quickly picks the baby up out of the carseat and walks over to the bathroom and sees Ava isn't in there. She walks out. As she does so she sees Ava lying on the floor. She walks over to her and realizes she's seizing. She sees the broken glass on the floor and blood. She grabs the phone and dials Elliot.

"Hello?"

"Elliot I need you over here now,"

He hangs up and goes right over. Olivia meets him at the door. She hands him the baby.

"What's going on?" He asks her.

"She's having a seizure,"

"Why is there blood everywhere?"

"I don't know,"

As Olivia moves over to find Ava's purse. She rifles through it and finds her epi-pen.. She injects Ava with the Epi-pen and Ava stops seizing.

"Ava what happened?"

She just moans for a second.

"Baby what happened why is there blood all over you?" Olivia asks Ava.

Ava takes a deep breath and then begins to speak. "The glass broke," she says in a hoarse voice.

Before Olivia can ask Elliot hands her a wet rag.

Olivia wipes Ava's face off to find the source of the blood. She finds cuts all over her hand, her face, and her neck.

"Were you trying to take a drink or something when the glass broke?" Elliot asks.

Ava nods slightly.

"Come on let's go to the hospital to get some stitches," Oliva says.

Elliot quickly straps the baby in and grabs a diaper bag. He then grabs a plain white t-shirt out of Ava's bag and rips it into pieces. He raps it around her wounds and then scoops her into his arms. Liv quickly grabs the baby and her stuff and opens the door.

When they get to the hospital the doctor stitches Ava up with tiny little stitches quickly and then asks a few questions.

"How long has it been since she's had her last seizure?"

"Eight years," Ava tells him.

"What blood type is she?"

"Why?" Olivia asks.

"I'd like to give her a transfusion,"

"Is that really necessary I didn't think she lost that much blood,"

"She lost enough,"

"She's Ab negative,"

"Are you AB negative too?" he asks Olivia.

"No,"

"We normally don't have any AB negative on hand. Does she have any relatives that are Ab negative?"

"No," Olivia replies.

"The baby?" the doctor asks.

"No she's not,"

"Any other relatives close by?" the doctor asks.

"No,"

"I'll give her blood. I'm AB negative," Elliot says without a second thought.

After hearing what Elliot just said Olivia knew, maybe not knew but she certainly thought it. After Elliot donated some blood they gave it to Ava. They kept her over night, and released her early in the morning. They got back to the hotel around nine packed cleaned up the mess, and checked out.


	15. Home

When they get back to Manhattan they drop Ava off at home to get some rest and take Sophia to go help gather up some of Elliot's stuff. They go to his apartment and Olivia finds that he's mostly packed. He's barely unpacked from his last move. All that really needs to be packed is his clothes. The take a few boxes and load them into the car. They go back into to get a few things before heading off. On his way out Elliot grabs something of a small shelf near the door and hands it to Olivia.

"What's this?" she asks with the book in one hand and the baby in the other.

"An album you can look at it when you get in the car,"

The put the rest of the stuff in the car buckle Sophia in and head back home. On the drive there Olivia pages through the worn pages of the book. When they get to a stoplight Olivia asks Elliot about one of the pictures.

"Who is this?"

Elliot glances quickly and then replies, "My mom and I when I was maybe five or so,"

Olivia studies the picture the whole rest of the ride without saying anything. As she looks at the picture she can almost see her daughter staring back up at her. She doesn't say much when they get there. They carry in the boxes and the baby. They leave all but one box in the living room. Elliot carries it upstairs while Liv sits on the couch with the baby and looks at the picture album. When Elliot comes down a few minutes later she's still staring at the same picture.

"You must be tired why don't you let me take the baby and you can go get a shower,"

"Elliot?"

"Yeah hon,"

"You're right Ava does kind of look like your mom,"

"Told ya. If I didn't know better I'd think she was mine,"

"Did you ever have an affair when you were married?"

"Why?"

"Just wondering,"

"I mean I had a re-occurring dream that right before one of the girl's was born I went to a party and got really drunk and had an affair with someone I didn't even really know,"

"Oh,"

"Why are you asking Liv?"

"I don't know I have a similar dream. I mean I thought it was a dream... until the night before last,"

"What do you mean?"

"Well the guy his eyes. In the dream I remember his eyes... and they look just like Ava. And in the dream the guy looks like you,"

"Oh," he says as he swallows hard.

"Sometimes I really think it happened,"

"Why?"

"I don't know,"

"Sometimes I think it happened too, because it's like I can remember her smell,"

"Chanel number five,"

"How'd you know?"

"That's all I used to wear. Until I got pregnant with Ava. I stopped wearing it then because it made me sick, so I never wore it after that. It was a party in Jersey City. I used to live there,"

"Jersey City?"

"It seems like in the dream the guy was with his army buddies Greg, and John,"

"Liv what if it wasn't a dream. I mean it's not like we'd have the same dream. Not like that anyway,"

"I know,"

"You think she's mine don't you?"

"I don't know. I mean you're the same blood type. I'm A positive, you know what I have something to show you," she tells him. She gets up hands him the baby and ventures upstairs. She comes back down with a shoe box. She pulls out a picture.

"What am I looking at?"

"This is Rich and I when we first starting dating. Look at the two of us and tell me that we had her,"

Before he could reply his cell phone started ringing. He quickly grabs it out of his pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hi dad," a voice on the other end replies.

"Hey buddy,"

"Dad?"

"Yeah Dickie?"

"Are you still coming to get us next weekend?"

"Yeah. Do you think you could put your mom on the phone?"

"Sure,"

A few seconds later Kathy picks up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi Kathy,"

"Hi. Are you busy? I told Dickie to call later but he wanted to talk to you, to make sure that you were coming next weekend..."

"Of course I am. But..."

"You can't take them all weekend,"

"No it's not that. I was just going to say that I'd like to talk to you in person,"

"About what?"

"I'd just like to tell you in person,"

"Ok,"

"Why don't you come over here?"

"I just got back from out of town, and I'm tired. Plus I'd like to tell you before I tell the kids. I thought maybe we could meet for coffee tomorrow,"

"Ok,"

"Does Java Joe's at ten sound ok?"

"Yeah, that's fine see you then,"

"Bye,"

"Bye Elliot,"

He hangs up.

"So?" Olivia asks.

"I'm going to meet her tomorrow for coffee to talk to her about the situation,"

"Ok,"

"Mom?" Ava says into the baby monitor.

"What?" Olivia calls back at her.

"Can you come here for a minute?"

"What do you need?"

"Just come here," Ava demands.

When Olivia reaches Ava's bedroom she looks for Ava.

"Where are you?" she asks.

"Over here," Ava's voice sounds off in the corner of the room.

"Why are you under the desk?" Olivia asks.

"I'm stuck,"

"How did you get stuck?"

"I fell out of the chair and then the wheels on the chair locked up so I couldn't get out. I don't even have enough room to push it over without knocking myself in the head,"

"You're talented," Olivia says as she picks the chair up and moves it a few feet from the desk.

"I know," Ava says as she crawls out.

The following morning at ten a.m. promptly Elliot meets Kathy at Java Joe's.

"Hi," Kathy says as Elliot moves toward her table.

"Hey,"

"You want anything?"

"No I'm fine,"

"Ok. So what's the news?"

"I moved,"

"You moved? Where did you move to?"

"Just about ten blocks from where I was living,"

"Ok? Why did you need to talk to me in person about that?"

"I didn't,"

"Then why did you need to talk to me in person?"

"There's more,"

"Oh,"

"See the reason I moved is because I... I... this is a lot harder than I thought it would be,"

"What is?"

"I got married,"

"To who? I mean it's not like you'll ever get up enough nerve to ask Olivia so who did you marry?"

"Olivia,"

"No you didn't,"

"Yes I did. Look here's a picture," he says as he hands her a picture Ava had printed out the night before of the wedding.

Kathy studies the picture for a few seconds and then asks about it, "Who's the girl?"

"Ava,"

"Ava who?"

"It's a long story,"

"I have all day. I mean why is there a teenage girl at your wedding?"

"Because she's Olivia's daughter,"

"No she isn't,"

"Yes she is,"

"I didn't know Olivia had a daughter,"

"Neither did I. At least not until recently,"

"Ok. Who is the baby? Is she yours... with Olivia?"

"No she's not mine. She's Ava's,"

"How old is Ava?"

"Sixteen,"

"Why does she have a baby?"

"Because she made a mistake,"

"What about the father where's he?"

"Dead,"

"Right..."

"No really he's dead. He got killed in a car accident about a week ago. I know I was there,"

"Oh. Olivia doesn't really seem like the type who would allow her daughter to get pregnant at sixteen,"

"Ava was with her grandparents until march,"

"Why?"

"Again it's a long story,"

"Ok. So you got married to Olivia? Who has a daughter and a granddaughter? Right?"

"Yeah,"

"But there's more right?"

"Yeah,"

"What?"

"She's pregnant,"

"Who? Ava? That baby looks newborn,"

"Not Ava, Olivia,"

"Oh you and Olivia are having a baby?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh. So you want me to break it to the kids?"

"No. I just thought that you'd like to know. I thought it would be better to tell you before I told the kids,"

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing,"

"Do you want me to talk to the kids?"

"No I thought maybe that we could figure out how to approach telling them. I mean we can't just spring it on them,"

"Ok. So what do you suggest we do?"

"I think all of us should get together and have dinner or something. Because like it or not we're still a family. We might be a big dysfunctional family, but we're still a family,"

"I think that's a good idea, but I think you need to tell Maureen and Kathleen first. Maybe you should talk to them first. I don't know that they're going to react positively. You need to let them think about it for a few days before you tell Elizabeth and Dickie,"

"Ok,"

"Why don't I you give me directions to your house and I'll send them over after they get back from their friends houses,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. That way you and Olivia can sit down together and tell them. And that way they can meet Ava too,"

"Yeah ok,"


	16. Look alike

When Elliot got home he told Olivia and Ava about what Kathy said. They agree to it, and come up with some ideas. Olivia decides instead of making dinner that she'll just order Pizza. The girls arrive just before five.

Elliot goes to answer the door.

"Hi,"

"Hi dad," they says in unison as they step into the house.

"Mom said that you had something to tell us,"

"Yeah,"

"Is it that you won the lottery?" Kathleen jokes.

"No. Why don't we sit down," he tells the girls when they reach the living room.

They sit down on the couch across from his.

"What's going on?" Kathleen asks.

"How would you guys feel if I told you that I got married?"

"It depends," Maureen admits.

"Yeah. I mean you can't just get married to someone that we've never met before. I think we should at least get to meet her," Kathleen adds.

"I agree. But you've already met her,"

"Oh," Kathleen sighs.

"So we know her?" Maureen clarifies.

"Yeah," Elliot says.

"How long have we known her?" Kathleen asks.

"A while," He replies.

"Ok. Do we like her?" Maureen asks.

"Yes you like her I just don't know if you'd like her as my wife," he tells them.

"Well if you like her and we like her what's the problem?"

"I just thought you guys would be upset," he admits.

"Why would we be upset? It's not like we have some delusion that you and mom are going to get back together. And since we both know that you're not you might as well be happy," Maureen tells him.

"Are you happy?" Kathleen questions.

"Yeah," he replies.

"Do you love her? That's the important part," Maureen says.

"Yeah I do,"

"Good. Now will you tell us who she is?" Kathleen asks.

"Well there's a little more to it than that,"

"Like what?" Maureen wonders aloud.

"She has a daughter,"

"Oh," Kathleen sighs.

"How old is she?" Maureen probes.

"Sixteen," Elliot tells them.

"Sixteen?" Kathleen repeats.

"Yes,"

"Is she nice?" Kathleen wonders.

"Yeah. She's nice. But..."

"But what?" Maureen finishes.

"She has a baby,"

"Why?" Kathleen says without thinking.

"Don't you know about the birds and the bees?" Maureen teases.

Kathleen glares at her.

"I mean why would she want to have a baby at sixteen?" Kathleen clarifies.

"I don't think she did. It definitely wasn't planned if that's what you mean. She made a mistake, and she decided that she was going to own up to her mistake,"

"So does she live with her boyfriend?"

"No. He's dead," Elliot says blatantly.

"Oh... then..." Kathleen stops herself.

"He was in an accident about a week ago," Elliot warns.

"Ok. So are they here?" Kathleen asks impatiently.

"Yeah they're upstairs,"

"Can you get them to come down?" Kathleen questions.

"Yeah," he tells her. "Guys will you come down here please?"

Ava comes down the stairs.

"Hi," she says meekly as she steps into the room and walks toward Elliot.

"Kathleen, Maureen this is Ava," he tells them.

"Hi I'm Kathleen," Kathleen introduces herself.

"I'm Maureen," Maureen introduces herself as well.

Before they can begin to have some chitter chatter Ava has to go upstairs to retrieve the crying baby. A few minutes later she comes back downstairs with Sophia.

"This is Sophia," she says as she sits down next to Elliot.

"She's gorgeous," Kathleen says trying to be polite.

"Thanks," Ava smiles.

"Can I hold her?" Maureen asks.

"Sure," Ava says as she hands her daughter over to Maureen.

"Where's your mom Ava?" Elliot asks.

"I think she fell asleep,"

"Can you go get her for me?" Elliot questions.

She simply nods her head and returns upstairs. She find Olivia sleeping. She gently shakes her and tells her to wake up.

"What?"

"They're here," Ava tells her.

"Ok, I'll be down in a minute,"

Ava goes downstairs and sits down next to Ava.

"She said she'll be down in a minute," Ava informs them.

"Ok,"

Just as the stairs slightly creak for a second signaling that someone is coming down them the doorbell rings. "I'll get it," says the voice on the stairs. She zooms past them, opens the door and sees the pizza man in front of her. He tells her the price of the pizza. She hands him a check and he hands her a couple of pizzas an order of bread sticks and a 2 liter of soda in exchange. She shuts the door, and comes back inside. She heads for the kitchen. As she does so she calls "Pizza's here,". As she walks to the kitchen she steps into Maureen's line of sight. She only sees her for a second so she doesn't realize who it is.

"Are you guys ready to eat?" Elliot asks the three teenage girls.

"Yeah," Maureen says speaking for all three of them. They get up and head for the kitchen. Maureen hands Sophia back to Ava as they get ready to enter the kitchen.

As they walk into the kitchen they spot the goods. All three of the girls are hungry. On the other side of the island they spot Olivia. Only they don't know that it's her because she's not facing them. She's talking to someone on the phone.

"Uh huh. Ok, bye,"

"Who was it?" Elliot asks.

"You'll see you're about to get a phone call," she tells him as she hangs up the phone.

A few seconds later Elliot's pocket rings.

"Hello?"

"Hi Elliot. It's Captain Cragen I need to come in, we've got a serial rapist on the loose,"

"Ok bye Captain," he says as he hangs up.

"We've got to go," Elliot says to the girls.

At this point Olivia turns around. She opens the drawer in the island and takes out her gun. She puts on the gun and walks around the island.

"Duty calls," Elliot reminds her.

"I know. I need to take this off," she reminds him.

They both take their rings off. He hands his ring to her and she sticks it in the drawer on the other side of the island with her ring.

"Bye guys," she says as she walks out of the kitchen.

"Bye," Elliot says as he follows her.

Maureen and Kathleen stand dumbfounded as they hear the house door open and close. They both look at Ava.

"What?" She asks.

"That's your mom?" Kathleen questions.

"Yeah," she nods.

"Olivia?" Maureen says mostly to herself but she says it loud enough that Ava and Kathleen can hear her.

"Yep," Ava tells her.

"Oh," Maureen sighs.

They quietly eat their pizza for about ten minutes before the phone rings. Ava quickly maneuvers the baby to a different position and answers the phone.

"Hello?" she says.

"Hey can you tell Maureen and Kathleen to call their mom and tell her that they're going to stay their tonight. And lock the doors, and don't open the door for anyone,"Elliot orders her.

"Why?"

"Because there's a serial rapist on the loose that's after girls ages sixteen to twenty-five,"

"Ok. I'll tell them,"

"Thank you," he tells her as he hangs up.

She hangs up the phone and looks at the girls.

"What?" Kathleen says.

"Your dad said you guys need to call your mom and tell her you have to stay here tonight because there is a serial rapist on the loose that is praying on girls sixteen to twenty-five," she reiterates to them.

They just look at her and nod. Kathleen pulls out her phone.

"Can you hold the baby while I go lock the doors?" Ava asks Maureen.

Maureen replies by sticking her arms out for the baby. After giving the baby to Maureen Ava walks to the front door to lock it. She then goes and locks the other door, and closes the window.

Maureen hears Ava shout something she can't quite make out.

"Are you ok?" Maureen calls out to Ava.

"Yeah," she says as she comes into the kitchen, "I just fell over a suitcase that has yet to be unpacked,"

The girls sigh in relief. Maureen gives a sleeping Sophia back to Ava. Ava takes the tiny infant into the living room. She sits her in the bouncy chair and gently buckles her in. She covers her body with a blanket gently kisses her on the forehead and walks back into the kitchen. The girls finish their pizza and then look at each other.

"What now?" Kathleen asks.

"We could play a game," Ava suggests.

"What kind of game?" Kathleen wonders.

"Trivial suit pop culture?" Ava says hoping that they'll agree.

"Sure. I hope you don't mind losing though I'm pretty good. It's my favorite game," Kathleen tells Ava.

"Mine too,"

The girls follow Ava up the stairs to her room. When she reaches her room she sits the baby and her bouncy chair down on the chair. She unstraps her and places her in her crib that is on one end of the room. She then grabs the game off a shelf in her closet and turns on the T.V. for the DVD questions. The girls play the game for hours. After a while Ava finds them some p.j.'s then she feeds the baby and they continue playing the game. Elliot and Olivia get home at three in the morning.

Olivia drops the keys in the living room. Elliot puts the guns in their place and follows Olivia up the stairs. She calls out for the girls. She sees the light on from Ava's room and follows it up the final few stairs. When she gets to the room she finds that everyone in the room is asleep. Ava is nearly falling off her bed with the remote still in her hand. Olivia steps over Maureen to get to the T.V. to turn it off. Maureen is asleep in a chair on the floor. Olivia finds Kathleen draped over the game board. Olivia walks across the room and checks on the baby. She picks the baby up out of her crib and holds her in her arms. She wraps the baby tightly in her blanket and takes her with her as she leaves the room. Olivia turns the lights out on her way out. She goes down the stair to her room and puts the baby in the bassinet which is next to the bed. She goes into the bathroom and finds that Elliot is in the shower. Rather than waiting half and hour for the water to warm up she just climbs in with him. She was far too tired to wait any longer. They don't take a very long shower. They climb into bed and turn off the lights.

The following morning they find the girls in the kitchen eating cereal and poptarts and looking at a picture album. Actually Elliot finds them. He gets up around ten and lets Olivia sleep. He looks over Ava's shoulder and sees the picture she's looking at.

"That's my mom with me when I was about five," Elliot tells her.

"I told her that she kind of looks like grandma," Maureen tells him.

"I'm done with this," Ava says as she shuts the book.

"I'll put it back," Elliot tells her.

He takes it upstairs with him after he takes the baby from Ava.

"Why are you taking her? I've got everything under control," Ava yells after him.

"I'm going to put her back in bed,"

"Fine," Ava sighs in defeat.

* * *

_**A/N: If I get 13 reviews I'll update tomorrow. R+R. **_


	17. Paint and personal matters

After Elliot puts the baby in her bassinet he sits down on the bed and starts looking at the photo album.

"Whatcha doin'?" Olivia asks as she sits up next to him and looks over his shoulder.

"Looking at this picture,"

"Of what?" she questions.

"My mom,"

"She was pretty,"

"Yeah. You know Maureen said the funniest thing,"

"What's that?"

"She said that Ava looks like her," he says as he hands the book to Olivia.

Olivia stares at the picture of the redheaded woman and doesn't say a word.

"What are you thinking?" Elliot asks her.

"Nothing," she lies.

"They look identical Liv," he tells her.

"Dad," Maureen calls up the stairs.

He goes out of the room and starts down the stairs.

"What?" he asks.

"We're headed home," Maureen tells him.

"Ok, love you, behave," he tells them.

They hug him, and then head out. After seeing them out he heads back upstairs. He finds Olivia sitting in bed holding Sophia. She looks up at him and smiles.

"What?" he questions.

"Nothing," she tells him.

"What?" he asks again.

"Nothing, just that we probably need to get the kids rooms ready before they come to stay with us this weekend,"

"That's probably true. I can go get their stuff from the apartment,"

"I need to go get paint. What are the kids favorite colors? I know Kathleen's is purple just like Ava's, but I don't really know about the other kids,"

"Maureen's favorite is orange, Dickie's is green, and Elizabeth's is pink. Elizabeth is obsessed with pink,"

"Got it. I'm going to go get dressed can you tell Ava to get dressed so we can get ready to go to the store?"

"Sure. Do you want me to take Sophia to her,"

"Yeah, make sure she gets dressed too,"

"K,"

Olivia heads to the closet, and Elliot heads out of the room with the baby to find Ava.

"Ava," he hollers up the stairs.

"Yeah?" she calls back.

"Your mom wants you to get dressed so you can go to the store,"

"I'm already dressed," she tells him as she walks down out of her room.

"She also wants you to get Sophia dressed,"

"Ok,"

He smiles at her and delicately places Sophia in her arms. She turns around and goes up the stairs to her room.

By two in the afternoon just about everyone in the house is covered in paint. Ava is covered in a nice lilac colored paint, Olivia is covered in a mint green tone of paint, and Elliot is covered in a lovely bright pink paint. Sophia however is spotless covered only by a purple blanket that is over her as she naps in her crib. By three Elliot has all of the beds brought over from the apartment. They sit outside the rooms as the paint dries. As the beds sit in the hall Olivia covers each of them with new bed clothes that match the color of each room. Elizabeth has a nice pink comforter with big multi-colored pink dots. Dickie has a green comforter with blue stripes. Finally Kathleen has a plain purple comforter draped over her bed. Just when they're getting ready to kick up and rest Sophia starts crying. Ava jumps up and runs up the two flights of stairs to her room. Just when Sophia gets quiet Elliot's phone rings.

"Hello,"

"Elliot I need you in here. Can you give Liv a call?"

"Sure,"

"Bye,"

Elliot hangs up. He turns to Olivia.

"We've got to go,"

"K," she nods as she places her ring in its place, and then goes to change. While she changes he grabs their guns and badges. Olivia brings him a clean shirt. He quickly changes and then Olivia hollers up the stairs.

"Ava, we're going to work,"

"K bye mom," she calls back.

As they leave the house Olivia grabs Ava's hairbrush. After a while at work she grabs the brush out of her locker, as well as Elliot's toothbrush out of his locker. She goes to see Melinda.

"Hey Olivia," Melinda says without looking up.

"Hi Melinda can you do me a favor,"

"What kind of a favor?"

"Can you run these?"

"Against what?"

"Against each other,"

"Why?"

"It's a long story. I would owe you for eternity if you did this,"

"Ok, I'll do it. Off the books when I can get to it. I'll get it back to you when I can,"

"Ok, thank you,"

"Personal matter?"

"Uh huh. I know that I shouldn't..."

"Olivia I understand. Something's you just don't want everyone to know,"

"Thank you so much Melinda,"

"You're welcome. Just out of curiosity what relationship am I trying to establish?"

"Paternity,"

"Ok,"

"Bye,"

"See ya later Olivia," she smiles as Olivia leaves.

Olivia leaves the precinct around midnight, but Elliot decides to stay. She gets home around a quarter to one. She finds Ava in the kitchen with the baby.

"Why are you still up? Aren't you tired?"

"Extremely," she answers.

"Then why aren't you in bed?"

"Because something's wrong,"

"With what?"

"Her, she won't stop crying. I've done everything. I'm tired and I just want to go to bed. I think she might be sick, and I don't know what to do. I wiped her down with a warm rag, and I bundled her up. And I just don't know what I'm supposed to do,"

Olivia feels the baby's forehead.

"Ava she feels fine. Has she been coughing or sneezing or anything?"

"She's just been make awful faces and crying,"

"Ava calm down..."

"Mom she's fussy and she won't stop crying... there has to be something wrong,"

"Maybe she's just tired,"

"She doesn't want to go to sleep,"

"Hungry?"

"Just fed her and burped her. I've tried everything. Changed her, read to her, sang to her,"

"Here maybe this will help," Olivia says as she pulls something out of the cabinet. She reads the bottle and gives the baby about half a dropper full.

"What is that?"

"It's for gas,"

"What?"

"It's for baby's for when they get gas bubbles. Just got get her binky and I'll take care of her while you sleep,"

"I can't go to sleep with her not feeling good,"

"Then just go get her pacifier,"

"Fine," she huffs as she leaves the room. She returns with the pacifier and the baby.

"When are you going to let me figure this out on my own? I've got to sometime,"

"Ava sometimes you need help, and that's ok,"

"I know but you don't have to help so much. You have your own things to deal with. Like thinking about your own baby,"

"I've been so busy lately I've hardly thought about having another baby,"

"Don't you think you should? I mean how far along are you?"

"I don't know how old is Sophia?"

"Six weeks old,"

"Then two and a half months I guess,"

"Maybe you should ask for a day off to just focus on yourself for a little bit. You don't always have to take care of everybody. We'll be ok mom. You can't do everything. You aren't _really_ wonder woman mom. You are pregnant don't you think you should take things a little bit easier?"

"Yeah. I've just been busy,"

"Sometimes you just need some me time mom. You need some time to yourself,"

"I know Ava. But after being away from you so long I don't want to miss another minute of your life. We've got a lot of time to make up for. I know I haven't always been there for you but, I've always loved you, and not a second has gone by since you were born that I wasn't thinking about you,"

"Mom you've been there for everything that mattered. Besides the moments I remember most are the ones I spent with you," she says half truthfully.  
_A/N: I know that this chap isn't very emotional but i promise it's going to be very soon. R+r. 15update. _


	18. Proof and secrets

That night when Elliot finally crawled in bed next to her she felt just right. After what Ava said she felt like everything was alright. She felt that everything was in place. Everyone she loved was right here with her. Her family was here. She finally had a family after all these years. Growing up she really didn't have anyone. The family she had now certainly made up for that. A beautiful, wonderful daughter, a husband who would gladly take a bullet for her any day, and that loved her with all his heart, a tiny sweet innocent granddaughter that was an unplanned miracle, and a new baby on the way.

Soon enough that weekend came. They got the kids rooms together just in time. Elizabeth, and Dickie were fine with Olivia being there new stepmother, in fact they were relieved in a way. Kathleen and Ava insist on taking a picture of all of them. They set the timer and gather in front of the mantle in the living room. They all smile brightly just as the flash goes off. The weekend is over in a blink of an eye. Ava prints out a copy of the picture and places it in a frame that she arranges on the mantle.

work Monday: Olivia and Elliot to the morgue to hear Melinda's findings on their victim. She briefs them and then they head back.

"Olivia," Melinda says as she starts out the room.

"Hey El go on without me I'll be there in a minute," she tells Elliot as she momentarily goes back into the room.

"I got your test results done for you," Melinda says as she hands Olivia a manilla envelope.

Olivia opens the envelope and carefully reads the results to herself. She then puts the paper back in the envelope and is ready to leave.

"Everything turn out the way you wanted? Did it at least turn out ok?" Melinda asks.

"Everything turned out better than ok, thanks Melinda,"

"You're welcome Olivia,"

"See you later," she waves as she leaves.

The day seems to drag on forever. Finally she gets to go home. When they get home Ava and Sophia are in bed. Olivia grabs a shower while Elliot watches a ball game. When she gets out he gets a shower, and then finally comes to bed. He gets situated and looks at her.

"What?" she wonders.

"I'm tired can you turn off the lamp," he questions politely.

"Yeah will you read this first?" she asks him as she pulls the envelope out of her drawer.

Elliot reads it and then inquires, "What is this? Is it supposed to mean something to me?"

"It should mean something to you. It's a DNA test,"

"For who? One of our cases?"

"It establishes paternity,"

"I can see that but who is it for?"

"You,"

"What? I don't understand,"

"She's yours. She is one hundred percent yours,"

"Who?"

"Ava,"

"Ava's mine? Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Melinda ran the test for me,"

"So she really is mine? I'm her father? Are you sure?"

"Yep. Congratulations you've got another daughter,"

"I hope the baby is going to be a boy,"

"Why?"

"I'm outnumbered. By a lot. It's not cool. There's too much estrogen in this house. When all the kids are here Dickie and I are the only two guys and there are six girls, we need another boy here to help even things out,"

"Are you saying that you'd be disappointed if we had a girl?"

"No. I'd be happy if we had a girl. It would just be nice if we had a boy is all,"

"So you would rather have a boy than a girl?"

"No, I don't care. I'll be happy with either, it's really just a number's thing,"

"I see. So what if the baby is a girl then what? Do we have another one and hope it's a boy,"

"I don't think we need anymore kids. I mean that's six kids for me. Isn't two enough for you? I mean we're just cops we can't really afford to feed very many more mouths,"

"Oh. I guess I'm in trouble then,"

"Why?"

"I'm having quadruplets," Olivia says very seriously.

"What?" his jaw drops.

"You should see your face. I'm just kidding. We're just having one baby. Calm down,"

"You're not funny," he tells her.

"I thought it was a little bit funny,"

"Not at all,"

"When do you go to the doctor anyway?"

"Two weeks. The fifth of September,"

"What time?"

"8:30,"

"Ok, I'll be there,"

"Ok,"

"So when are we going to tell Ava?"

"We can tell her tomorrow,"

"How are we going to tell her?"

"I'll figure it out,"

The following day: Ava gets up around eleven. Olivia joins her to eat breakfast.

"Mom, I'm going to start school next week,"

"I didn't know you found a tutor,"

"I didn't. I don't want a tutor. I want to go back to school. I'll lose my mind if I sit around here all day. I already talked to Jayne and she found a nanny. Not full time. Just for during the day while I'm at school,"

"Ava when does school start?"

"In six days,"

"How are you going to do schoolwork and take care of Sophia all at the same time?"

"She sleeps through the night so it really shouldn't be a problem,"

"Ava if she gets sick and you're up all night with her how are you going to go to school the next morning?"

"I don't know I'll figure it out. Mom I can't sit here all day for two years. Not after what happened. School will be a good thing. At school I won't think about it all the time,"

"No you'll think about Sophia all day. Then you'll get distracted. And you'll get behind,"

"I'll take easier classes. I don't have to take all honors classes,"

"Ava why would you do that? You're smart you don't need to take easier classes,"

"I could take an easier math, I mean I got really bad grades in math to begin with. I got straight D's in math last year,"

"Ok you can take an easier math, but how are you going to study, and do homework, and write papers with a baby to come home to and take care of every night?"

"I'll figure it out. Mom please just let me do this. If I get in over my head I'll get a tutor,"

"Fine. But I'm not going to be able to help you very much after I have the baby,"

"I know mom,"

"So what do you think the baby will look like?"

"You and Elliot,"

"I mean which one of you guys do you think it will look the most like,"

"I don't know,"

"I think it will look just like you when you were a baby,"

"How do you figure? I mean it has just as much chance to look like one of the other kids. We'll all share the exact same amount of DNA with it,"

"You'll share more,"

"How do you figure? Is it because I'm someone special?"

"No because you guys will share the same parents,"

"What? No we won't. Why would you think that? My dad's dead. So unless you got impregnated by a dead person I don't see how we could have the same parents,"

"Here's how," Olivia says as she slides the piece of paper across the table.

Ava reads it aloud, "There is a 99.9987 likelihood that the paternity of this child is that of the party in question. So whoever the guy in this is, is the father of this child. What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're the child in question,"

"So?"

"I never had a DNA test done on Richard,"

"So who did you have it done on?"

"Elliot,"

"Wait what? Why? I don't understand at all,"

"It's a long story. Basically we met each other at a party when we were both a little bit drunk and we slept with each other and didn't know it. And nine months later you were born,"

"Sure, how romantic. Oh wait I'm confusing romantic with soap opera-like,"

"Ava I'm serious,"

"So you're telling me that my father isn't dead, that really he's upstairs asleep,"

"Yes,"

"How do I know that this test was really done on him and me?"

"Where's your hairbrush,"

"Which one?"

"You're favorite blue one,"

"I don't know I haven't seen it in a week or so,"

"Honey where's my spare toothbrush?" Elliot yells down the stairs. "I dropped my good one in the toilet,"

"I don't know. There's a couple new ones in the medicine cabinet," she yells back.

"Good one," Ava says still skeptical about the situation.

"Ava it's true. He's your father,"

"Give me one fact that would make me believe he's my father,"

"He's the same blood type,"

"So?"

"I'm not the same, Sophia's not the same, Richard, and his parents weren't the same, my mother wasn't the same,"

"I'm sure there are millions of people with the same blood type,"

"Maybe but there are only two people with your eyes,"

"He and I don't have the same eyes,"

"Not exactly, yours are a little bit darker,"

"Yeah,"

"But mine are brown so that's probably why,"

"I don't believe you,"

"What reason do you have not to?"

"Maybe you're just making all of this up so that I'll feel better. I won't feel so screwed up after everything that happened,"

"Ava if I lied to you about this and you found out it would just make it worse for you. Have I ever flat out lied to you?"

"No,"

"Then why would I start now?"

"I don't know,"

"Ok then. If you don't believe me ask him yourself,"

"Where is he?"

"I'm right behind you," he says as she slowly turns around.

"Oh, Hi,"

"Hi. Is there something you want to ask me,"

"Tell me if you really are my biological father how I was conceived. I mean not how, but under what circumstances," she demands.

"My ex-wife and I... well she was my wife then had a huge fight a while after Kathleen was born. I got upset, and a couple of my army buddies took my to a party in Jersey. They got me drunk. I saw a girl that was about as drunk as I was and we started talking. Before I knew it the next morning I woke up in one of my friend's apartments with the smell of chanel number five next to me, and someone's bra,"

"My mom doesn't wear chanel number five it makes her sick," Ava informs him.

"I used to," Olivia admits.

"Anyway. How can you be sure it was her?"

"Well I remember her face, and I remember that she has a scar by her eyebrow on the right side of her forehead,"

"You've worked with her the majority of my life I'm sure you noticed it by now. What else ya got?"

"She's also got a heart shaped tattoo on her left hip,"

"No she doesn't," Ava says as she looks at her mother.

Olivia pulls up her shirt and pulls the hip of her pajama bottoms down low enough to reveal a tattoo.

"You sleep with her every night. And you've obviously seen her naked because you managed to get her pregnant,"

"The heart didn't used to be a heart it used to be a black letter R,"

"How could you prove that?" Ava asks.

* * *

**_A/N: I know that Olivia and Elliot are the same blood type, but I'm pretending that they aren't just for the sake of argument. Give me 15 reviews and I'll update tomorrow by 9 P.M. _**  



	19. Denial, and anger the perfect pair

"Hand me the magnifying glasses," Olivia tells Elliot. He gives her the glasses and she puts them on Ava.

"Look really hard in the middle of he heart,"

Ava looks for a few moments and then takes the glasses off and picks up the baby out of the bouncy chair.

"Ava where are you going?"

"To get dressed," she tells her mother.

"Why?"

"Because I want to,"

"Ava come back here," Olivia demands.

Ava comes back down the stairs with the baby. Elliot scoops the baby out of her arms and goes into the other room.

"Ava why don't you want to believe this?"

"Because every time things start to work out, and fall into place something horrible happens,"

"Ava nothing bad is going to happen," Olivia reassures her.

"How do you know? You can't make that promise. You could walk out of the house tomorrow and get hit by a bus,"

"Ava that isn't going to happen,"

"It could,"

"Lots of things could happen, but they don't,"

"I don't want to lose anyone else. Not you, not anybody. I just want to have a happy semi-normal family, but if I get too happy, and too comfortable something will happen,"

"No it won't. I won't let it. No one in this family is going anywhere. We're not going to leave you,"

"How am I supposed to believe that? I have a hard enough time going to sleep and knowing that you're still at work and you could get shot and killed,"

"Ava I know that you're afraid that I'll get hurt, or something will happen, but no one is going to take me away from you. Nobody. Never,"

"You voluntarily left me so how am I supposed to believe that?"

"Ava it wasn't really voluntarily. Not completely anyway,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't want to leave, but then my mother got sick for a while. I had to take care of her and I just didn't want you around her. Then I went into the police academy because I needed a job to make some money. I missed you so much and I just wanted to have you with me, but I didn't have the means I knew that Keith and Barb could take care of you. When my mother finally got well I came and saw you. The day I got in was the day you were graduating from pre-school. You were so grown up. I could make excuses about other reasons I couldn't do it, but really it was just I was overwhelmed. I wasn't prepared when I had you. I had to grow up some before I could raise you, I didn't want to turn into my mother,"

"What about when I was eight and I begged you to let me come stay with you?"

"I worked crazy hours and the only time I was home was around the time you'd be in school. I made a lot of mistakes when you were younger and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I missed out on your childhood I was stupid. I know that you'll probably always feel like I abandoned you and I don't blame you but I wish we could just start off where we are now and go from there,"

"But it's not that simple. Everything is so complicated. I have a baby and you're married and pregnant, and now I have all of these siblings to deal with. I don't know how I'm supposed to do all of this. I'm losing my mind mom. I have to take care of a baby who needs me all of the time, and I want to spend time with you, and now we throw this whole dad thing into the mix I just can't do it. I just want things to be easy, I don't want to be an adult yet, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to be somebody's mother, I'm only sixteen. There are days I wish I hadn't got pregnant. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade Sophia for the world, but I wish I could have waited. I wish I did things differently,"

"We all have days like that,"

"Everyday I look out the window and think how nice it would be to step out there and scream at the top of my lungs. I have to take care of this baby by myself, she doesn't have a dad, and I needed him. He always knew just what to say, and now he's gone. I'm all alone. Everyone in my life has let me down, but not him. I knew that I could count on him, but then it was all gone just like that. I can't do this everyday. I can't put on a brave face everyday and pretend I'm ok... not anymore. I just can't," she says in tears. "And I need help. I need to have you here. I need my mom. I still need you and you're never home. I always need you and never have you it's the story of my life. I mean you have your priorities, job, family, yourself. That's how it's always been and always will be. That worked for a long time, but it doesn't anymore. I need you more than I've ever needed you before. I'm here with you, but you're still not here. Sometimes there are days I wish _I _was never born. Then things wouldn't be so complicated for you. You wouldn't have me to burden you,"

"Ava why would you say that? You're not a burden to me, I love you. Don't ever think for a second that you're a burden to me," Olivia requests as she holds Ava tightly.

"But you aren't going to do anything to change the fact that you're always at work are you?" Ava asks as she storms off.

Olivia walks out of the kitchen into the living room. Elliot is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, and Sophia is sleeping in her playpen. Olivia sits down next to Elliot.

"Is she ok?" he asks.

"No she's not. I think that it's time she goes to visit a therapist,"

"Why?"

"There are only about twenty different reasons,"

"Oh,"

"Sometimes I wonder if we're in over our heads. I mean we have five kids to think of and then we add Sophia into the mix, and another baby on top of that. What are the rest of them really thinking that they aren't telling us? Not to mention that we still haven't told your kids about the new baby. I just wonder if we did this too fast. I mean married, mixed family, baby all in such a short time span can't be easy. How on earth are we going to do this? Why do we even think we can? She needs me, and I know that, and I'm a horrible parent for not doing anything about it. Sophia needs me too, and this baby is going to need me how on earth am I going to take care of all of them? What do I do? Quit my job? It's not like I can do that, we have too many people to take care of for me to quit my job,"

"Calm down. We'll figure it out, we always do,"

"That's different. At work things are easy, it isn't as complicated. And how are we supposed to find time in our schedules for all of this?"

"I don't know we'll figure it out,"

"How?"

"We'll just take it as it comes,"

"But El we can't wait to make a move. We have to start doing something now,"

"What do you suggest Liv? I don't have any idea what we're supposed to do either,"

"If neither of us has any clue what the hell we're doing then how is this supposed to work? I'm scared to death that this won't work then everyone will end up hurt. I can't do that anymore, and I can't put Ava through anything else. I know we just got married and we should act like newlyweds but we have too many responsibilities to goof around. I love you, but I love my daughter too. I know that you put your job before your kids, and I've done it too, but I can't do it anymore," she says raising her voice, "I won't. They need us, so something has to change."

"Liv don't get mad at me,"

"I'm sorry, I'm just pissed off right now. This isn't going at all how I thought it would,"

"And you think it's going the way I thought it would? Liv I didn't expect any of this. I didn't expect you to have a kid. I didn't expect you to get pregnant, and I didn't expect to get married after about a two minutes of ... I mean we didn't even date. I hoped for those things but it's hard to do it all at once. I just need time to get used to all of this. Ok?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. You don't have that time. We need you. All of us, I need you, Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie, Elizabeth, Sophia, and especially Ava. We need you to be there for us. Ava especially she's so scared right now, and I can't say that I blame her. She needs me too, and somehow we're both such bad parents that we can't figure out a way to make more time for her. I mean all your kids probably feel that way. They probably feel the same way she does abandoned. Only for her she feels abandoned by both of us,"

Elliot walks away.

"Where are you going?" she calls after him.

He runs up the stairs. He gets to his room and instead of going in he goes up the stairs and knocks on Ava's door.

"Ava can I come in?" he asks.

"No," she tells him.

"Are you dressed,"

"Why?"

"I want you to meet me down in the car in two minutes,"

"I can't have the baby ready by then," she tells him through the door.

"Your mom can take care of her,"

"But I don't want to go anywhere,"

"Ava it's not a request," he tells her firmly.

"Fine," she says.

She meets him at the car a few minutes later. She gets in the car puts on her seat belt and then asks, "Where are we going?"

He turns on the car and pulls onto the street.

"Out,"

"Why?"

"Just wait until we get there,"

A few minutes later they arrive at their destination.

"The batting cages?" she asks.

"Yup come on,"

She follows him. He tells her to get in the batting cage. She does so.

"What am I doing?" she questions him.

"Just hit the ball," he tells her as he goes into the cage next to her.

"What is the point of this?"

"The point is to hit it,"

"Why?"

"I want you to hit the ball as hard as you can,"

"Why?"

"Because you need some way to get rid of your anger,"

"I'm not angry, where do you get that from?"

"Ava if I had to go through the same thing I'd be angry as hell. I know you're angry,"

She hits a ball.

"So?"

"I know you're angry at everyone. I've been there. I know you're angry at your mom, and you're angry at yourself, and you're angry at me too,"

"Why would I be angry at you? You didn't do anything?"

"That's the point. I've never been there for you and it pisses you off,"

"Says who?" she says as she pelts the ball as hard as she can.

"You,"

"I didn't say that,"

"You didn't have to. Ava I know you hate me, and that's fine,"

"I don't hate you,"

"You hate that I'm me,"

"No..."

"Ava I know we've got a lot to talk about but you've got to start,"

"You knew as soon as you met me didn't you?"

"Knew what?"

"Knew that I was hers?"

"I don't know. There aren't many people with her attitude, so I thought maybe but I didn't know..."

"And you knew about two seconds later I was yours,"

"No. I didn't realize it until... well after we got married,"

"So why didn't you say anything when you did?"

"I thought that you we're doing ok,"

"No. I'm not. I've been abandoned by everyone who's ever been in my life. Do you have any clue what that's like?"

"Yeah,"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to be ok. I don't know how to. All I know is that I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I don't know what to do or say. To anyone. To mom, to you, about Sophia, about Adam, about anything. My whole life all I wanted was a family. I needed my mom, and I needed a dad. And when I met you I wished you were my dad because I knew your history. I knew that you loved my mom whether or not you'd ever admit it. I wanted her to be happy. And then I realized that I wanted to be happy too. I tried to forget about who I was. Not really who I was just where I'd been. I just wanted to move on. I never thought I could. Then I realized that I had found the one. I mean how many guys my age would stick by when they found out that they were going to become a father. I thought I finally had it. I had him, and we were going to be ok. The rest wasn't as important. I finally had home. I had him, I had mom, and then a baby. It wasn't perfect, but I thought it was going to be. I guess I was foolish, and naive that everything would last. Because all good things come to an end. Right?"


	20. Make believe turned reality

"They don't have to,"

"For me they do. I didn't have mom for such a long time that when I finally did I was afraid too lose her that I forgot about the one sure thing. At least what was supposed to be the one sure thing,"

"Ava I'm sure it happened for a reason,"

"Yeah to set me over the edge,"

"Ava you'll be ok,"

"How do you know?"

"Cause nobody's going anywhere. I'm glad you're mine. I'm proud to be your dad,"

"No your not, how could you be? I mean after everything that I've done. All the mistakes I've made how could you be?"

"Because you're human and we all make mistakes. It's something called unconditional love,"

"Right," she scoffs.

"Seriously Ava,"

She didn't really believe him after all she'd been through she didn't know what to believe.

Then all of a sudden out of the blue it just came out, "I love you Ava,"he tells her.

She doesn't say anything she just looks at him.

"Ava watch out," he tells her. It's too late. The ball pelts her in the stomach. He quickly turns his machine off and goes into the cage with her.

"Are you ok?" he questions as he tries to help her up.

She catches her breath, stands up and then nods. "I'm fine,"

"Good. Why don't we go get some ice cream, and put an end to this crazy afternoon,"

"Yeah ok,"

They get home around two. Ava goes to her room and things calm down. Elliot apologizes and they try to figure something out. Before long the weekend comes and goes. Then Ava heads to school and the nanny comes. Before they know it September rolls around.

September 4th:

"Hey captain can I have a word with you?" Olivia asks.

"Sure," he tells her.

She goes into his office and closes the door behind her.

"I'm sorry I didn't get around to telling you earlier, but I've had a lot going on,"

"Tell me what?"

"Just that I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow in the morning at eight thirty,"

"Ok, just come in whenever you're done,"

"K, thanks Captain,"

The following morning around Seven. Elliot's cellphone rings.

"Hello?" he says as he slips his shirt over his head.

"Hey Elliot I need you in here,"

"K, Captain I'll be there in about twenty minutes," he informs him.

"Bye," the captain ends the phone call.

Elliot shuts his phone and turns to Olivia.

"Hey Liv I've got to go in,"

"Ok," she shakes her head in understanding.

He leaves. She checks on that Ava's out the door. Then she makes sure the nanny is doing ok. Finally she grabs her stuff and heads out.

The doctor comes into her exam room around nine.

"Hello Miss Benson I'm doctor Griffith,"

"Hi,"

"So let's have a look,"

"Ok," she agrees.

He does an exam and then asks, "Can you roll up your shirt I'd like to an ultrasound,"

"Yeah sure,"

He puts the gel on her stomach and then gets the probe. Her moves around her stomach and then finally finds what he's looking for. He turns the screen towards her.

"There's your baby,"

"Is it ok?"

"Yep,"

"What is that?" she asks.

"Where?"

"Behind the baby,"

The doctor looks closely and then moves his probe.

"Miss Benson it looks as if you're going to have twins," he informs her cheerfully.

"What?" she questions as her jaw drops.

"Twins. Do you want to know the sex?"

"Yeah,"

"Well the baby in front is a girl... and..." he moves his probe over to the second baby, "I'm afraid I can't tell what this one is. It has it's legs crossed,"

"Oh, ok,"

"I'm actually surprised that you're not showing. Normally women this far along with twins are showing,"

"With my daughter I didn't showing until I was six months along,"

"I'd guess that you'll start showing soon. You're about twelve weeks along so that puts your due date at March 20th. I'd guess by next month you'll start showing,"

"Oh,"

"I'll print you off some pictures,"

"Ok, thanks. My husband is going to be surprised for sure,"

"About the twins?"

"Yeah. He already has a set of twins from his previous marriage,"

"Oh. So how old are the other kids?"

"My daughter is sixteen, and his twins are thirteen almost fourteen,"

He cuts her off, "So you'll almost double you're brood,"

"Well no. He has two other daughters too. Maureen is twenty one and Kathleen is eighteen,

"Oh wow. So you've got a pretty big brood?"

"Yeah,"

"And they're all older?"

"Uh huh,"

"So how long have you been married?"

"Not very long,"

"Well here you go," he says as he hands her a couple ultrasound pictures. "Make sure you make an appointment with the receptionist,"

"Ok,"

"Have a nice day,"

"You too,"

The rest of the day flies by, work is pretty busy. They get home by ten, it proves to be a long day though. They both quickly take showers and then after checking on Ava and Sophia hop into bed.

"So how did your appointment go today?" he asks.

"Good," she reveals as she pulls the ultrasound pictures out of her drawer.

"Thanks," he says as she hands him the pictures.

"El, I have something to tell you,"

"Yeah what's that?"

"It's kind of funny actually," she tells him as he looks up at her.

"Yeah what's that,"

"I found out what the sex,"

"Of the baby?"

"Uh huh,"

"And it's a girl?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh, well girls are just as good as boys. They're probably a little more interesting,"

"Uh huh, but I have something else to tell you,"

"What?"

"Let me see the picture,"

"Ok," he hands them back to her.

"See that," she asks.

"See what?"

"Behind the baby,"

"I don't see anything," he says as he squints at the picture.

"Are you sure?"

He looks again, "No, I'm too tired to be sure. Why?"

"Well there's something there,"

"Like what? Is there something wrong with her?"

"No she's fine,"

"I don't understand,"

She shows him another picture, "See!" she exclaims.

"No. It just looks like the baby from the other side,"

"It's not,"

"What?"

"It's the other baby,"

"Huh?"

"We're having twins,"

"You're funny Liv. You really had me going for a second. I don't think you're going to get me with that one twice though,"

"Elliot I'm serious, we're having twins,"

"No we aren't," he says matter-of-factly.

"Yeah we are," she counters.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"How sure?"

"The doctor told me that we're having twins, I wouldn't just make it up,"

"Wow,"

"Uh huh,"

"Seven," he mumbles.

"Seven what?"

"Seven kids,"

"Oh,"

"And we still need to tell four of them about you being pregnant,"

"Yep,"

"Next weekend should be interesting,"

"Uh huh,"

"Are you ready for bed? I'm tired we can finish this in the morning,"

"I don't have a problem with that at all. I'm wiped out," she agrees as she turns off the light.


	21. Tell someone

The next morning Ava rushes off to school without even saying goodbye. Olivia and Elliot get to work by eight. It ends up being a pretty slow day so they get to leave work by five, and get home around five thirty. They find the nanny feeding the baby when they get home.

"Hi Sarah," Olivia says to the nanny.

"Hi,"

"You can go home now Sarah," Olivia tells her.

"Are you sure?" she asks as Olivia approaches her.

"Yeah," she says as she motions for the baby.

Sarah hands Sophia to Olivia. She then grabs her things and heads out. Olivia collapses on the couch with the baby.

"Hey Ava can you come down here please?" Elliot calls up the stairs.

"Yeah," she agrees as she bounces down the stairs.

"Here," he says as he hands her a paper bag, "Thought you might like to take a break from homework to have bite to eat."

"Ok," she smiles as she looks inside the McDonald's bag. "I just finished my homework actually."

"Ok,"

"Hey Ava," Olivia says as she burps the baby.

"Yeah?"

"Come over here please,"

"K, What?" she asks as she sits down next to her mother.

"We want to tell you something," Elliot tells her.

"Oh what's that?" she questions.

"I went to the doctor yesterday," Olivia informs her.

"Yeah so?"

"Well the baby is a girl," Elliot starts out.

"Cool," she replies sounding less than interested.

"There's something else," Olivia says.

"Yeah what?"

"We're having twins!" Olivia exclaims.

"Oh," Ava sighs.

"You don't sound very excited," Elliot notices.

"This is it right? I mean there aren't going to be any more kids in this family after this right? I mean..."

"No," Olivia says quickly.

"Good," she answers.

"Why do you think that's good?" Olivia asks.

"Because there are enough of us as it is. I mean you're basically starting over. Right?"

Elliot and Olivia don't say anything.

The baby starts to fuss. Ava with fries in one hand scoops up Sophia and goes upstairs. In the process she manages to grab her bag of food and her drink. She makes it upstairs without spilling anything, most importantly the baby.

"I made her an appointment with a therapist this Friday," Olivia says.

"Ok. Ava has therapy, Dickie has track and Elizabeth has soccer," he realizes that their life is going to become nothing but chaotic. With a 95 chance of crying involved, and chances were it would be them crying due to feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and pretty much insane.

"Liv..." he says quietly.

"What?" she says on the verge of insanity.

"Maybe you should just take some time off,"

"I can't really do that," she says.

"Why not?"

"Because I have to take time off when I have the babies,"

"Liv you have like a million hours you can use. And you'll have a million more by then, just take one day to spend with her,"

"And do what? I'm her least favorite person in the world right now,"

"Doubt it,"

"Oh really who is?"

"Her. Liv if she's a teenager she's blaming herself when none of it is her fault. She needs you to be there for her,"

"I know that, but your kids need you too,"

"Ok so we'll spend a day with each kid by themselves, they need that sometimes,"

"Yeah. And then you could do something with the girls because they all adore you,"

"Yeah right. Maybe one of the four of them. Elizabeth is the only one of them that doesn't hate me right now,"

"None of them hate you they just hate that you aren't there for them. I think from here on out we put our kids first, no matter what. Even if that includes doing something differently as far as work goes. I mean we work too many hours to have any time for them. As rewarding as it is to get a perp off the street it's more important to fix this. I've got to get her through this, I've never been there for her when it counts,"

"I agree, I need to do the same,"

"And as soon as Cragen finds out about me being pregnant he's going to put me on desk duty, so that will help some. Elliot I just don't know if I can't take this job much longer. I'm just afraid it's going to break me,"

"We've been on the edge of disaster before,"

"Yeah but then it was before everything. When we were still in denial. When we were just partners,"

"We're still just partners, just in more than one sense. Liv it's still the same as before I'd do anything for you..."

"Yeah and as your wife it scares the hell out of me. I don't want to lose you after all of this,"

"You'd do the same for me,"

"But El we have so much to lose, and a girl who can't afford to lose either of us,"

"What did you want to be when you were a kid?"

"Not a cop, that wasn't until later,"

"What did you want to be?"

"A teacher," she admits.

"Ok. Here's what we're going to do,"

"What?"

"Well a quarter at Hudson is only six weeks right?"

"Yeah so?"

"When you're on maternity leave start classes,"

"Why?"

"We've got to change things. So maybe a job change would be good,"

"But how am I going to go to school and work? I can't quit until I have another job. We can't afford it. There is absolutely no way on earth,"

"You could be a teacher at the academy you don't need anything else for that. I mean you wouldn't be teaching kids exactly, but you would be teaching and you'd have more time. Then you'd have more time and you'd still be able to be a cop,"

"I guess. I could but who knows if there will be an opening and she needs me now,"

"Take a day with her, and then tell the captain, you'll be on desk duty,"

"El I love my job but..."

"You love her more so you know what you have to do,"

"I do, I just feel like I need some advice from someone else,"

"Give Casey a call,"

"But she'd cross examine me, and I'd have to tell her the whole situation,"

"Maybe you need to tell someone other than me,"

"I don't want to completely abandon the job though,"

"Well why don't you just go to the academy for a year. Then you can focus on Ava first and foremost, and the twins too. Bye then things would probably have calmed down some,"

"Ok. I like that idea I still want to talk to Casey though,"

"Ok, I agree,"

"I'm going to go give her a call,"

"Ok," he smiles as he gives her kiss and then tells her he loves her before letting her leave the room.

She goes into the kitchen grabs the cordless and sits down at the island. After a few rings she gets an answer.

"Novak," the voice on the other end answers.

"Hey Casey this is Liv,"

"Hi,"

"Hey I was wondering if you were done with work yet,"

"Yeah I just left my office,"

"Have you eaten dinner yet?"

"Liv what's going on?"

"I need your advice,"

"Ok go ahead,"

"It's something I'd rather talk to you about in person,"

"Ok, well I'll be there in a little while I guess,"

"I moved,"

"Ok where are you now?"

"Got a pen?"

"Yup,"

"Ok 1-8-3-4-6 Cedar Wood Drive Brooklyn. It's just over the bridge. As soon as you get off the bridge you take a left. After two lights you turn right. Then you take that road for a mile until you see the Cedar Creek subdivision and you turn onto Cedar Wood Drive. The house is the third one on the left, it's grey with blue shutters,"

"Ok. When did you move into a subdivision?"

"Long story I'll fill you in when you get her,"

"Ok I'll be there in about fifteen or twenty minutes,"

"Ok bye Casey," she says as she hangs up.


	22. Soap Opera

Elliot folds up the playpen and goes upstairs with it. Casey knocks on the door exactly twenty minutes later. Olivia quickly answers the door.

"Hi come on in," she says as she leads Casey to the kitchen. "Can I get you anything?" she asks hospitably.

"No I'm fine. What's going on with you? A lot that I certainly don't know about,"

"Yeah,"

"So long have you been living here?"

"A month or two,"

"It's a big house for just one person,"

"Yeah that's part of what I need to talk to you about,"

"Ok,"

"I need to tell you something but you can't tell anyone at all. Absolutely nobody,"

"Ok,"

"I'm serious Casey no one,"

"Alright," she agrees.

"I don't live here alone," she starts off.

"Who else lives here?"

"My husband,"

"You got married?"

"Yeah,"

"When?"

"July,"

"Oh..."

"Don't be disappointed no one was there besides us,"

"Oh. So who is he?"

"Uh..."

"Liv who is it?"

"I'll get there. I'll tell you who he is after I tell you everything else,"

"How much more is there?"

"A lot,"

"Like what?"

"I'm pregnant,"

"Really? Congratulations how far along are you?"

"Three months,"

"Oh wow,"

"Yeah that isn't even half of it,"

"Oh,"

"I'm having twins,"

"No you're not," she utters in disbelief.

"Yeah I am,"

"Wow that's crazy,"

"Yeah, but that isn't the problem at all,"

"So what's going on?"

"I think that I need to take a year and maybe go teach at the police academy,"

"Why?"

"Because I need to have time..."

"For the babies?"

"Yeah, and for Ava,"

"Who?" Casey questions.

"Ava my daughter,"

"I didn't know that you had a daughter,"

"Most people don't,"

"So how old is she? Like two or three?"

"Sixteen she goes to H.S. 96," she reveals.

"Oh,"

"Ava can you come down here for a minute?" Olivia calls up the stairs.

Ava comes down with a sour look on her face.

"What do you need and why are you yelling? I just got Sophia to sleep," she answers.

"Ava I'd like you to meet my colleague Casey Novak. Casey this is my daughter Ava,"

"Nice to meet you," Ava feigns a smile and extends her hand to Casey.

"You too,"

"Now can I go?" Ava questions.

"Yeah Ava go," Olivia answers.

Ava heads back up the stairs and Liv and Casey sit back down.

"So who is Sophia?"

"So many questions. Where do I start. Ava lived with her grandparents until February at which time they shipped her back to me,"

"Why?"

"Because she was pregnant,"

"Oh,"

"So Sophia is her baby and she's almost two months old. Needless to say Ava and I have some unresolved issues. Then Adam her boyfriend, and Sophia's dad got hit by a drunk driver and died about a week or two after the baby was born. So she's basically out of her mind. Plus she found out that I've been lying to her about her dad most of her life. I mean not intentionally. I was always sure of who her dad was until very recently, and then I found out it wasn't him it was someone else. So she's really mad and confused and upset. That's why I feel like I need to take some time doing something else. Somewhere with set hours,"

"So who is her father,"

"By a weird twist of fate my husband,"

"Oh, so who is he? Anyone I know?"

"Yeah,"

"Who?"

"Hey Liv do you know where my grey shirt is?" he asks as he comes toward the kitchen.

"Which one?"

"The one that I wore earlier today," he says as he gets closer to the kitchen.

"It's in the laundry," she says as he steps into the kitchen.

"Sorry I didn't know that you had company right now," he tells her.

"It's ok," she says.

Casey slowly turns around and looks at the man standing behind her.

"Hi Case," he greets her.

"Doesn't your husband get jealous of him being here and you doing his laundry?" Casey questions Olivia.

"No, because he is my husband,"

"Oh. He's your husband and that's why you don't want me to say anything,"

"Exactly,"

"Wait a second how can he be Ava's dad wasn't he married then?"

"Yes. He was married, and I was in a relationship with a cheating jerk, and we were both in the same place at the same time... drunk,"

"So does Ava know?"

"Yeah, she's just about the only one. I mean we haven't told his kids about me being pregnant, or that Ava is their sister, it's all nice and complicated,"

"So does Kathy know?"

"She knows I'm pregnant, and that we're married. She knows I have a daughter but she doesn't know that she really belongs to Elliot,"

"Liv your life sounds a little bit like a soap opera right now,"

"Yeah I know, and I don't have any clue what I can do to control the situation. I mean I feel like I'm going ninety miles a minute and that I have to do ten things at once,"

"So did you tell the captain that you're pregnant?"

"No he doesn't know about any of this. I mean I'm going to tell him about being pregnant but I'd really just like to keep everything else private right now. I want to be able to get used to being married, and make sure I get Ava taken care of before I tell everyone. I just can't handle being bombarded with a million questions from them while I try to do everything else,"

"I understand. With the jobs we do it's hard to keep our private lives out of our work lives. You just want to keep them two separate entities and it's really hard because so many things come out every time your name gets dragged through the mud. So you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. I guess that's just how things work in this town,"

"That's exactly how I feel. I just want to get my job done and go home by the end of the day,"

"Liv whatever you do, and for whatever reason you do it is really up to you. It's not really anyone else's business, just do what you have to do, and don't worry about all the people at work,"

"I know that's what I'm supposed to do it's just hard I guess I'm to dedicated to my job, and the people I work with,"

"I know Liv but there's a point when it gets to be too much. I think you should take a week or so to think about it and weigh your options and then make a decision. If it were me I would have walked away a long time ago," Casey admits.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I've got to get home,"

"Something there that you need to get home to?"

"Someone," Casey replies.

"Oo la la,"

"No actually I just broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago,"

"Oh sorry..."

"I'm not. I decided to take a break from men so I got a kitten. I wanted a puppy but they can't exactly use a litter box,"

"Oh. Boy or girl?"

"Boy, I just can't seem to get away from 'em,"

"What did name him?"

"Damnit,"

"What? Why would you name him damnit?"

"Because right after I got him I hit my head on the refrigerator door and screamed 'damnit' and he came running, so I decided it would be cute,"

"I guess, just don't ever have kids," Olivia warns.

"Why are you worried that I'll name them something stupid?"

"No I just happen to know that you swear like a sailor at home,"

"That's true. Being a sailor is my secret fantasy you know," she jokes.

"I had no idea,"

"Anyway see you tomorrow,"

"K," Olivia says as she walks her to the door.

"Bye," Casey waves as she gets into her car.


	23. Bang, bang

The following morning Olivia woke up with a splitting headache and knew that it was going to be a bad day. She managed to get out of bed by rolling out of it, head first, luckily she was able to catch herself. Elliot comes over and helps her off the floor.

"Come on get dressed,"

"Why?" she moans.

"We've got to go to work,"

"I hate work," she pouts as she heads toward the closet.

"I know," he responds.

The day was just getting started. Around ten was when it really got interesting. They finally caught a break in their case and they were going to apprehend the suspect. He had just gotten out of prison and he had a vengeance. The first day out he kidnaped a nine year old boy, and was just waiting. They got to the abandoned house and Elliot went downstairs, and Olivia went upstairs.

After determining that the basement was clear Elliot headed back upstairs to find Liv.

"Liv? Liv where are you?" he says as he starts up the stairs. He hears voices coming from a bedroom at the top of the stairs and to the right. He rushes up the stairs quietly and just listens. He hears Liv begging him.

"Liv," he calls out again with his gun drawn.

"Don't come in or they both die," the kidnapper informs him.

Elliot quietly says "Requesting backup," into his radio.

"Chris please let them go if you hurt them you'll be making a big mistake,"

"Just leave,"

"Can I just come in and see that they're ok?" Elliot asks.

"Ok, but open the door and come in very slowly,"

"Ok," he agrees. He opens the door and steps in very slowly. He looks toward the window and sees Chris standing there. He has two guns and two hostages. He has a gun to the boy's head, and a gun to Olivia's head.

"Chris please let them go. Your beef is with me not them,"

"So? I thought I'd rape them both, then kill them and make you watch,"

"Please just let them go..."

"Why?"

Elliot looks at Olivia and sees the tears in her eyes getting ready to roll out as the fear of losing her life overwhelms her.

"Look I'll trade. Let them go, and you can have me,"

"But don't you want to know about the other one?" he taunts.

"What other one?"

"The one you never found,"

"He's dead,"

"No he's not," Chris replies.

"How could he not be? Chris you were in jail for two years,"

"So?"

"Please just let them go,"

"Fine," he agrees, "Drop your gun."

"I've got one and you have two..."

"So?"

"Let them go and then I'll drop my gun," he says.

"Ok," he lets them go. Liv picks the boy up to carry him, but as soon as she reaches the end of the hallway and readies to run down the stairs she hears shots.

"Elliot!" she screams and turns her head. She sees someone standing behind her and realizes he's not the one that's been shot. An awful warm liquid flows from her shoulder, and then her ankle. She manages to keep her footing. Before she can decide what to do she hears glass breaking and hears footsteps. She tries to get down the stairs but can't.

"Drop your weapon!" Elliot says to the assailant.

"Make me," he challenges.

Olivia feels something hit her foot. Without thinking she lets go of the boy and whispers, "Run outside, go to the car and lock it," with that the boy bolts down the stairs. She slyly picks up what sits at her feet. She pivots and looks at the assailant and points a gun at him with her left hand.

"Drop your weapon! Now," she screams at him.

"No," he says as he fires. Elliot is moving toward her when the assailant fires. Elliot fires twice only seconds later. The other guy falls to the ground.

"Drop your weapon," she repeats at the guys.

"No," he replies as he bleeds from both knees. He holds up the gun to show he still isn't going down.

"Drop your gun or I'll have no choice but to shoot your hand off," Elliot warns.

"I don't care," he says. He draws his gun up cocks it and gets ready to fire when a window breaks and he falls completely to the ground. The shot goes through him and pierces Liv in the heart she dies instantly.

_**Not really**__**I'm not that cruel, the last sentence doesn't really happen. I'm only joking.**_

The sniper kills the assailant on the spot. As he does so about ten other cops come in. Elliot picks Liv up and carries her down the stairs.

"The perp is in the bedroom. He's not dead but he's unconscious," Elliot informs one of the officers that is coming in.

"The boy is in the bus, it's waiting," the officer replies.

Elliot goes outside and puts Liv in the ambulance.

"Ready?" one of the EMT's asks after giving her Olivia oxygen and applying pressure to her wounds.

They get to the hospital about half an hour later. They immediately want to do x-rays to find the bullet in the ankle.

"Miss we'd like to take you to do a couple x-rays,"

"You can't," she tells the doctor.

"Why not?"

"I'm pregnant," she admits. Luckily she, Elliot, and the doctor are in a room with the door shut so they're the only ones who hear.

"I'll take the bullet in your shoulder out. I can see it, it didn't go in very far so I can easily take it out, as for the other bullet I don't know what I can do,"

"Isn't there another way to see the bullet without an x-ray?"

"We can do an x-ray but we've just got to be extremely cautious," the doctor replies.

"Ok?" Olivia asks.

The bullet takes the bullet out of her shoulder and has a nurse sew her up. He then does an x-ray to find the placement of the bullet.

"That's interesting," he remarks just as Captain Cragen walks in.

"What is?" the captain asks.

"The placement of the bullet,"

"Why?" Elliot questions.

"It's just in a very dangerous position. If we leave it in and it moves it could hit your nerve and cause nerve damage. And if we take it out we could potentially end up with the same result," he informs them.

"What happens if you take it out and everything goes according to plan?" Olivia wonders.

"We put a couple tiny rods in the whole to keep it from collapsing, we let you heal, do some physical therapy and you're as good as new after a few weeks. You'll have to stay off of it, and probably were an air cast, or a boot, but that's about it," the doctor tells her.

"Ok, let's do that," Liv proposes.

"Ok we'll get you ready for surgery tomorrow morning,"

"Ok," she smiles as the doctor leaves the room.

"So you ok?" Cragen asks Olivia.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just a little bit shaken, but I'm fine,"

"Elliot why don't you stay with her I'm going to go back to the precinct,"

"Ok Captain," he agrees as the captain leaves. His phone starts to ring as soon as Don walks out of the room. He answers it has a short conversation and then relays a message to Olivia.

"Casey called and said that she heard what happened and that she's on her way over,"

"Ok," Olivia sighs as the door shuts.

"She said she'd pick up Ava. I told her that was ok, it is right?"

"Yeah," Olivia yawns, "I'm kind of tired though."

Meanwhile H.S. 96: Ava walks into the office and sees A.D.A Casey Novak standing in front of her. Instantly she knows that something is wrong. Why else would a woman she's barely known for twenty-four hours be picking her up from school in the middle of the day?

"What's wrong?" Ava asks.

"Don't worry everyone is fine," Casey reassures her.

"What happened? What's wrong?" Ava repeats.

"I don't think this is the place to discuss it Ava. I'll tell you on the way there," she says.

"Fine, I need to sign out," Ava says.

Ava signs out and follows Casey out of the building to her car. She gets and buckles before saying anything.

"What happened?" Ava asks again.

"Your mom..." Casey doesn't know how to break the news to this clearly fragile sixteen year old.

"Just tell me what happened," Ava demands.

"Your mom is in the hospital,"

"Why?"

"She got shot,"

"What?!"

"She's fine. She's in stable condition and she's fine,"

"She's fine, or you hope she's fine,"

"Elliot said that she's fine,"

"So? You people aren't very observant. He's probably just told you that so you won't worry,"

"I'm worried anyway so it doesn't really matter,"

The rest of the car ride is pretty quiet. After about ten minutes they get to the hospital.

Olivia is a blink or two away from falling asleep when Casey and Ava come in. Ava doesn't say anything she just goes over to the bed and sits down next to Olivia.

"So what did the doctor say?" Casey asks Elliot.

"They're going to do surgery tomorrow morning to remove the second bullet and put a couple steel rods in to keep her bone from collapsing,"

"So she's going to be fine?"

"Yeah," Elliot tells her.

"Hi kiddo," Olivia says as she kisses Ava on the forehead.

"Are you ok?" Ava asks.

"Yes I'm fine,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I have to have surgery in the morning to remove the bullet in my ankle, but I'll be fine," she promise the girl.


	24. Weight of the world

Soon enough Casey leaves and Ava and Olivia fall asleep. Elliot takes a picture with his camera phone of them and email's it to himself. He's about to doze off himself when he hears crying. He opens his eyes and looks around. He sees that Ava is crying in her sleep. He walks over to her. And smiles for a second at the sight of his daughter laying next to her mother with her head on her mother's chest sleeping. He then snaps back to reality and gently shakes Ava.

"Ava sweetheart," he says softly.

"Hum?" she whines.

"Are you ok?"

She opens her eyes and looks at him.

"I was fine until you woke me up,"

"You were crying in your sleep,"

"Oh that's nothing new,"

"You want to talk about it?" he asks her.

"No,"

"Ava please tell me why you were crying,"

"I had a horrible dream,"

"About what?"

"Sophia,"

"Ava Sophia is fine. Sarah takes great care of her,"

"I know it isn't that. I know that right now she's fine. But she was older in my dream maybe twelve or so, I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure where we were a mall or something. She looked at me and said 'I hate you, I wish that you weren't my mother. I wish I wasn't even born.' It was so real..."

"Ava she won't say that. And if she does she wouldn't mean it. Kids say that to their parents all the time,"

"Yeah but she's so little and I've already ruined her life,"

"How?"

"Because I had her. I'm sixteen years old, I haven't even graduated from high school and I have a baby. A baby who needs to have a mother–a good mother. I'm just not it. I was stupid for ever thinking that I could do this, that I'd ever get it right. I know how it's going to work her entire life she's going to feel like she's raising me because I was too young when I had her. She'll never get to be a kid, and it's going to be all my fault. She's barely two months old and I've already failed her,"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I get home and I'm so tired I just want to go to bed. I just want a nap. I don't even want to pick her up because I know that as soon as I do she won't want me to put her down and I just want a break. I spend six hours at school, and then I have two hours of homework, then I have this baby that I have to take care of. I just want to come home and take a shower and relax, but I know that I can't because she needs me. I wish that she didn't, but then as soon I think that I feel horrible for thinking it. For wishing..."

"Ava you're doing fine. I've seen a lot worse parents,"

"And a lot better too I'm sure,"

"Not very many. Ava I'm one of those bad parents. Before you were in the picture I was a bad parent. I've always put my work first, at the price of my kids. And that's just recently come to my attention. I realize that they need me... just like you do and I feel like a jerk for treating you guys the way I have. I've never been there for any of you and it's my loss,"

"Yeah but a kid can survive without a father, but without a mother they're lost. Sophia is going to hate me for bringing me into this world and making her go through all of my crap when she shouldn't have to. I wasn't ready for this and now she's going to suffer. I just wish I could have done things differently,"

"We all think that sometimes would you really trade having her?"

"I don't know. Every time I see her I see myself and I just don't want her to go through what I have and the way it's going it looks like she'll have to. I mean she's going to miss out on having a dad..."

"Ava stop. Right now you just need to hold her, and take care of her and not worry how she's going to be in the future. All we've got is the here and now,"

"I know,"

"Besides Sarah will be here any minute with her,"

"How can you even put up with me? I mean I'm a train wreck,"

"Maybe but you're my daughter..."

"And if I wasn't,"

"I'd wish you were,"

"Why?"

"Because you're a fighter,"

"You know I'm not the only one that needs you right?"

"Yeah but you need me right now,"

There's a knock on the big, heavy, wooden, hospital room door.

"Come on in," Elliot says.

"Hi," Sarah smiles as she walks in with Sophia.

"Thank you Sarah," Ava says as she reaches out for her daughter.

Sarah sits the diaper bag down next to Ava and gives Sophia to her.

"How is she?" Sarah asks.

"She's tired, but she's going to be fine," Elliot tells Sarah.

"Good,"

"You can go home and get some rest Sarah I know it's exhausting spending all day with the baby," Elliot says.

"She's a dream. She's really easy, she hardly ever fusses. She's a good girl," Sarah admits, "Anyway I'll be one my way,"

"Bye Sarah," Ava waves as Sarah leaves.

Ava looks down at Sophia. The little girl reminds her a lot of Adam. Great big dimples, and a head full of tight little curls where there used to just be subtle little waves, chubby cheeks, and golden skin. Tiny little lips just like her mother, and big blue eyes, her hair is light brown with a red tint to it. The little girl looked like a cherub. Just as Ava petted the little girl and kissed her tiny little fist she woke up. She just stared into her mother's eyes.

"Hi beautiful," Ava whispers softly. The baby smiles at her.

"Are you talking to me?" Olivia jokes after waking up.

"Yeah mom I'm talking to you,"

"Hey Elliot why don't you take them home," she suggests.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah and take a shower or something," she adds.

"Why?"

"So if someone asks why you're gone I won't have to completely lie,"

"Oh,"

Elliot takes Ava and Sophia home and takes a shower. After getting out of the shower and getting dressed he goes downstairs for a quick bite before her leaves. When he gets to the bottom of the stairs he sees Ava and Sophia passed out on the couch. Both of them are snoring, and Sophia is drooling on her mother's chest. Elliot sees Ava's camera sitting on the mantle and can't help but seize the opportunity. "Your mom will love this," he says under his breath. He snaps a picture, grabs a bite and goes back to the hospital. He takes Olivia some fast food.

"Hi!" she greets him as he comes back in, "Did you bring me anything?"

"As a matter of fact I did. I felt like you needed a burger, some fries and a milkshake,"

"Why? I'll be fat soon enough without anymore help from you,"

"I resent that," he says.

"Sorry. It'll be worth it though," she says as she pretends to put some effort into reaching the food a foot from her.

"Here I don't want you to strain anything," he tells her. He pulls over the tray and takes her food out of the bag and scoots it over to her.

"Thanks," she smiles naughtily.

"Uh huh,"

"You make us very happy. We were hungry,"

"We? They're as big a peanuts I don't think they were screaming for a burger and fries,"

"Oh I could have sworn they were," she jokes.

"I have something for you,"

"Something else?"

"Yep,"

"What?"

"I took a picture for you," he says as he sits down on the bed next to her.

"Of what?"

"Just look at the camera," he demands.

She studies the picture.

"How long did it take them?"

"I don't know I took a shower. I was in and out within fifteen minutes, and since they were both snoring I'm guessing it didn't take very long,"

"I'm guessing not,"

"She's so scared Liv,"

"Who's scared of what?"

"Ava is scared to death of screwing the baby up, and her hating her. She was crying in her sleep earlier. She told me she had a dream that Sophia was older and told her that she hated her,"

"She's doing great. Better than I did, and I was almost twice her age. I don't know how she does it. I couldn't have. I wish she wasn't so unhappy, and down on herself it breaks my heart the way she sees herself,"

"I know it's like she blames herself for everything that's ever happened to everyone in the whole world,"

"I wish I could just fix it all,"

"You and me both Liv,"

"I want you to go home tonight," she informs him.

"Why?"

"I'll be fine, but I worry about her. She's been alone enough for the both of us,"

"I know. So when are you going to tell the Captain?"

"Tell him what?"

"You know what,"

"I want to wait a little bit longer. I'm not ready yet. After I go back to work I'll tell him,"

"Will you really?"

"Yeah. I almost want to just come clean about everything. But I want to wait and see how things go. It's not that I don't want to tell him, I just can't keep explaining things over and over again,"

"I know. Just wait until you're ready nobody's rushing you,"

"I know,"

"Love you," he says as he leans into to give her a kiss.

She kisses him and then replies, "Love you too."

* * *

_A/N: As soon as I get 15 reviews I'll update._


	25. Daughters

Olivia gets surgery. Everything goes successfully and after a week in the hospital she gets to go home. She and Elliot are sitting in bed the night they go home discussing different things.

"So have you thought about any names for the babies yet?" Elliot asks Olivia.

"No that's why the name book is sitting on the night stand," she replies sarcastically.

"Oh,"

"Why do you have any suggestions?"

"I was thinking Sloane,"

"If we have a boy?"

"No, for a girl,"

"Elliot I wouldn't name anyone that,"

"Why not? It's a good strong name,"

"I'm not naming my daughter Sloane I don't want her to be some sort of hard ass,"

"Why not? You are," he jokes.

"Absolutely not," she puts her foot down.

Meanwhile in Ava's room: Ava is lying in bed reading when she happens to look over at the baby who is sleeping peacefully in her crib.

**Ava's P.O.V.**

_She looks like Adam. I guess it's a good thing considering. I hope I don't screw her up. She's so little and precious. And beautiful, and easy. I probably couldn't ask for a better baby. I hope she has some sense when she gets older. I don't want her to turn out like me. She better not date until she's thirty, or at least wait that long to have sex. If she gets pregnant at fifteen I'll kill her I don't care how hypocritical it is. I wouldn't make the same mistakes my mother did just because she did. I love her but I want to be different. I just want her to be happy, and healthy, and smart with a good head on her shoulders. And I hope she has her dad's temper, because mine can be like my hair, red hot. _

Elliot thumbs through Ava's baby album. He sees a picture of her when she's about a year and a half old. A chubby little redhead. She's sitting on a stump with a marigold behind her ear. It makes her bright fire colored hair that much more noticeable. He smiles and starts to think about his daughters.

**Elliot's P.O.V.**

_First there was Maureen. I wish I'd been there more for her. She was all grown up now, getting ready to graduate from grad-school soon. Then there was Kathleen. She was a little spitfire she always just said what was on her mind. She was a lot like her mother. I haven't been there like he should have for her either. And Elizabeth. My little Lizzy was almost all grown up. I've missed a lot in her life. She never got to really have both parents at the same time. Kathy and I were always at odds by the time she was old enough to remember anything. But then there was Ava who didn't even met me until a few months ago. I've missed every milestone in her life, first words, first steps, first smiles. I've missed all of her birthday's and never been to any of her school functions. I never got any Christmas's or other holidays. No toothless smiles, or sleepless nights. I've never been there for her at all. Not that it's completely my fault, after all I didn't even know she existed. She didn't exactly have a great childhood, no mom, no dad she was bound to be screwed up. But now we're here and we've got to fix it. And another girl or two on the way. I need to do better, by all of them. Tell them I love them, and that they're beautiful, and special._

Olivia looks through the baby name book and recalls when she had done the same before Ava was born.

**Olivia's P.O.V.**

_I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her. I threw up all over the car. It smelled until she was born. But as soon as I felt her move I just couldn't wait to get to meet her. I don't know how, or why but from the beginning I knew she was a girl. I sure prayed enough for her to be. Then she was born, and was so beautiful. She was a beautiful baby, and sweet. I wish I hadn't screwed up. I still can't figure out why I left. Well I know why, but was it really a good enough reason? What was I thinking? She was still a baby. She seemed so grown up, but she was so little. _

_**Flashback: (The day Olivia takes Ava to stay with her grandparents.)**_

_**They were in the car. Olivia kept looking at Ava in the rearview mirror on the way to Ohio. **_

"_**Mommy I don't want you to leave," the little redhead insisted.  
**__**Olivia didn't stay anything.  
**_"_**Mommy!" she whined.  
**__**Olivia ignored her. She was afraid if she responded that she'd cry.  
**_"_**La, la, la, la," Ava sung at the top of her lungs trying to get on Olivia's nerves, so she'd get some attention.  
**_"_**Ava stop it! Stop acting like you're three," Olivia raised her voice as she glared at the girl in the rearview mirror.  
**_"_**Sorry, but mommy I am three," she replied clearly scared by her mother raising her voice.  
**__**That was the end of Olivia's attempt to keep from crying. She had to pull over. She cried for ten minutes before getting back on the road.**_

_**End of flashback-EOEOEOEOEO**_

_I screwed up so bad. I never should have left her. I missed so much. Then when I got my act together and got to be there for her she was damaged goods. Another broken, and hurt kid with a kid of her own on the way to think of. If a mother left their daughter the way I did I'd hate them. I hate what I did sometimes. But how could I have known that she wasn't his. I thought she was a reminder of an abusive relationship. How could my mother have looked at me everyday? She must have hated me. I don't know why Ava even puts up with me. _

The truth was that they had all made mistakes. Some that they could live with and some that they couldn't. And some mistakes that happened for a reason. But Olivia blamed herself the most of all of them. For ruining her mother's life, for ruining her daughter's life, and for hating herself. She felt like a horrible example for her daughter. She thought Ava deserved better. So did Elliot. None of them were very pleased with themselves which is why Olivia was prompted to make a decision.

"We should do family counseling," she tells Elliot.

"Why?"

"Because everyone in this family is broken, or mangled, or scarred. All of us,"

"Ok, but I think we should tell the kids about the twins, and Ava before we go to counseling,"

"I guess," she agrees.

The following morning at breakfast things are pretty quiet. Elliot is already at work, and Olivia and Ava just stare at each other. Ava was livid at Olivia. She was for a lot of reasons, and she knew what just to tell her to make things even, but she wasn't going to. She wasn't ready to be that honest. But if she knew Ava would be in trouble, but at the same time she'd be happy because Liv would be pissed at her. Ava slurps down the milk left in her cereal bowl and goes upstairs to take care of Sophia. It was Saturday so it would be awkwardly silent. Elliot had to work, and none of his other kids were there because he and Kathy agreed that Olivia just needed some quiet since she had only been released from the hospital the day before.

Ava changes Sophia and then puts her back in her crib to sleep. Ava sits in her bed and thinks to herself: _If she only knew. She'd kill me. Not that it matters whether or not I tell her. If I did tell her she'd just be mad, and ground me. Not that I'm really going any where or doing anything. _

**Flashback:**

_It was the night that Olivia passed out and had to go to the hospital. Ava took off with Adam. Jayne took the baby to her room so that Ava and Adam could talk. She sat there on the bed next to him and just stared at him._

"_What?" he asked her._

"_Nothing," she smirked._

"_Seriously what?"_

"_Nothing I was just thinking about how much I love you. And how lucky I am to have you,"_

"_Yeah. You probably didn't feel that way two weeks ago when they were pulling a baby out of you," he told her._

"_It wasn't as bad as you'd think," she admitted falsely. It was bad. It hurt a lot, but she didn't really care. Sophia was here safely now so that's all that mattered._

"_What are you thinking about?" _

"_You,"_

"_What about me?"_

"_How much better you look with your shirt off,"_

"_Ava!"_

"_Well it's true,"_

"_Why are you thinking that?"_

"_I thought that we could... never mind,"_

"_That we could what?"_

"_Nothing. I mean something but..."_

"_Just tell me,"_

_She whispered into his ear._

"_After what just happened you want to do that?" he questioned her._

"_Yeah,"_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yes absolutely. I mean the first time it wasn't exactly memorable. Which was probably a good thing. But after what we got out of it I think we deserve to have a little bit of fun,"_

"_But Ava I don't have any..."_

"_I don't think you can you know, right after you know,"_

"_I don't know,"_

"_Can we stop talking about it and just do it?"_

"_I'm up for it if you are. I mean I'm a teenage boy nothing would make me happier,"_

_She didn't say anything. She just started kissing him. Articles of clothing went everywhere. Afterward he just held her for a while._

"_Wanna do it again?" she giggled like a naughty schoolgirl–mainly because she was._

_He just nodded._

_She was on top of him when her phone rang._

"_You've got to be kidding me," she sighed._

"_Just don't answer it," he told her._

"_What if something's wrong?" she replied._

"_Fine answer it," _

_Without moving anything but her arm she grabs her phone. She takes a deep breath and then answers. _

"_Hello?"_

"_Ava this is Elliot," he said frantically._

"_What's wrong? Is everything ok?"_

"_No can you meet me at St. Mary's?"_

"_Yeah why?"_

"_Your mom passed out we're on our way to the hospital,"_

"_Are you in the ambulance now?"_

"_Yeah,"_

"_Can you hand the phone to the emt?" She hated her life._

"_Why?"_

"_Please just do it,"_

"_Ok," Elliot agrees as he hands the phone over to the emt._

"_Hello?" the emt said._

"_Hi, listen very carefully. She's pregnant I'm pretty sure that's why she passed out,"_

"_Ok," the man says as he nodded his head._

"_Whatever you do under no circumstances are you to tell the man in the ambulance with her that she's pregnant. He doesn't know. Can you promise that you won't?"_

"_Yeah," he agreed as he hung handed the phone back to Elliot._

"_We better hurry up, my mom is on her way to the hospital," _

"_And you still want to do this? I mean we don't have to,"_

"_It won't take very long. One for the road," she joked. She was a teenager and her hormones, and contempt for her mother catapulted her into a very rash decision. As soon as it was over she quickly threw on her clothes and brushed her hair. She went down the hall knocked on Jayne's door and got the baby. Then she has the chauffeur drive her to the hospital._

_End of flashback_- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

In a way she was glad she did it. Especially after what happened the next day. She was glad she got to have that with him, but in her mind she was still afraid that it was going to come back and bite her in the ass. She decides to just come clean. She finds Olivia in her room watching T.V.

"Mom can I talk to you?" she questions.

"Uh huh,"

Ava sits down on the bed.

"I want to tell you something and I don't want you to get mad. So promise me you won't get mad," secretly she hoped that Olivia would get mad in a way Ava felt like she'd experience catharsis.

"I promise," she says without looking away from the t.v.

"I had sex," Ava admits.

"That's nice," Olivia comments without even hearing what she had said.

Ava turns of the T.V.

"I had sex," she repeats.

"Of course you did, how else do you have a baby?"

"Not then. A different time," she says almost shamefully.

"What?" Olivia wonders in shock.

* * *

_A/N: If I get 27 reviews this chapter next time I update I'll add two chapters at once._


	26. And the difference is?

"Before that?"

"No,"

"After that?"

"Yeah,"

"When?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't know. Did you lie to me about how the first time happened?"

"No, but you probably don't believe me anymore,"

"When did you have sex? And why?"

"The day before Adam died. I was mad, I don't know what I was thinking,"

"Ava why would you do that?"

"I don't know. I was mad at you and I thought for some reason if I did that I would hurt you. And I just needed to be with him. I needed him to be there for me. I needed for him to hold me,"

"You didn't have to have sex with him,"

"No one has to do anything, but I was different that night. I mean after you get pregnant from having sex one time, in which you weren't even really present for you kind of want to know if it was worth it. I mean I don't even remember the first time at all,"

"Why couldn't you wait?"

"Until what?

"Until you were older, or until you were married or something,"

"Because I was practically. I mean when I told Adam about being pregnant he told me that he wanted to marry me. If he hadn't died we would get married. I have a stupid engagement ring sitting in the jewelry box in my room that I don't ever get to wear. It wasn't like I was being some slut. I planned for him to be there forever. I planned to spend the rest of my life with him, and raise my daughter with him, and marry him. He was the one,"

"Did you use anything?"

"No why?"

"What on earth were you thinking?"

"It's not like he has anything. I was the only person he–never mind. And it's not like I was going to get pregnant I had a baby two weeks earlier. It isn't like you can get pregnant that soon after giving birth,"

"How do you know? Are you sure about that?"

"Why does it matter? I don't care anymore my life is ruined. It pretty much was... or at least was fated to be when you left me at three years old. That's not exactly a promising start," she rants.

"That isn't relevant here at all Ava,"

"You don't think it's relevant?"

"No,"

"Whatever. I don't understand why you're getting so upset I mean it isn't like you're any different. It isn't like you didn't have sex when you were my age..."

"I didn't have sex when I was sixteen Ava,"

"Ok, seventeen, eighteen, whatever it doesn't matter. I don't understand why people don't think twice about teenagers having sex, but when they wind up pregnant things are so much different. I don't understand why society thinks that I'm as bad as some trampy, slut. It isn't fun when you make one mistake and you get to pay for it the rest of your life. You've had sex with more people than I have, but people don't say a word to you about it,"

"Because I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want,"

"So having a kid doesn't make you an adult?"

"No Ava you are sixteen years old you shouldn't have a baby,"

"Don't you think that I know that? I only hear it from about a million people a day. It wasn't even my fault either. Not this time. How is me having a baby any different from you having one? You weren't married or anything either. You screwed up just as badly as I did, only were old enough to know better, or at least be rational,"

"Ava I was twenty-seven when I had you, I was an adult. I was old enough to make my own decisions,"

"Yet you still made the wrong ones. You left me and you were an adult. I'm sixteen and I didn't leave her, and I'm not going to. You left, I didn't, how am I the one that gets to look bad?"

"I don't know Ava,"

"What really happened? Why did you really leave?"

"I told you already,"

"I don't believe you,"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Because I know you and I know that you wouldn't leave me for as crappy of a reason as that,"

"Ava..."

"Don't lie to me. That's all anyone has ever done. Poor Ava her mom left her we can't have to sugar coat everything for her so she doesn't get anymore screwed up. I'm tired of being treated like I'm going to break. I'm tired of people lying to me. I mean I've already been broken so what's the point?"

"Ava why does it even matter?"

"Because it does,"

Olivia heads to space. She doesn't respond to Ava, she just stares off into space.

"Olivia!" Ava snaps.

"What?"

"I'm still waiting on an explanation,"

"I had some things to figure out. A lot of things were going on back then, things that I'd rather try and forget,"

"I need to know, please,"

"I didn't want to be her..."

"Why would you ever think you could be?" Ava responds knowing exactly what Olivia was talking about.

"Because," Olivia replies and looks away.

"Because of what?"

"What happened,"

"So then what happened?"

"Nothing. You don't need to know,"

"Yes I do. I need to know why you left me when I needed you,"

"I was almost her,"

"What? How could you be?"

"Because self-pity is genetic,"

"Huh?"

"I shouldn't have let it happen,"

"Let what happen?"

"Never mind, just forget it Ava,"

"Just spit it out,"

"I'm more like her than you'd think,"

"How?"

"I'm pretty much exactly like her, only I'm worse,"

"How are you like her?"

"Because I almost let it ruin me,"

"Let what ruin you?"

"Nothing Ava,"

"Just say it. I know what you're not telling me. Just say it,"

"I can't,"

"You can help everyone else in the world get through it but yourself?"

"I guess,"

"Just say it get it out there,"

"It happened to me too,"

"What?" Ava asks hoping to provoke the truth out of her.

"I... I was... raped,"

"When?"

"A few days after your third birthday. We had your party on a Saturday. Your grandmother was watching you before your party because I had errands to run. I was almost home when I realized that I'd forgotten to get candles so I stopped at a gas station to pick them up. I ran in and out, and forgot to lock my car, which was parked in an alley, and that's when it happened,"

"So..."

"I went home and took a shower, dried my hair, got dressed, set up for your party and had to pretend that everything was ok,"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't know how to,"

"But why did that make you decide it would be better for me to..."

"I thought that would be end of the nightmare but it wasn't at all. It just got worse later. The stay with them was only supposed to be temporary. I didn't want you to ask questions about..."

"About?"

"Eight weeks after your birthday I found out that I was pregnant. I always thought that if I was in my mother's situation that I could get it taken care of, or whatever. It was too late for the morning after pill, and when it came right down to it I couldn't end it. So I waited until I was almost four months pregnant before sent you to stay with Rich's parents for a while. I knew that I was going to start showing before long and I knew you wouldn't understand when I came home one day without anything. I thought that I could give the baby up, and that would be the end of it. As soon as I got it over with I could come get you and we'd be fine. But that wasn't how it worked. I had a miscarriage a week later. It set me over the edge. I couldn't handle it. I got depressed for a long time, and I had no clue what to do about it. So I did what I knew. I started to drown my sorrows in a bottle..."

"What happened? What changed?"

"My mother ripped the bottle out of my hand,"

"So she could have it?"

"No. After you were born she cleaned herself up for a while she wanted to try to be a good grandparent. I guess she thought she could redeem herself,"

_Flashback: Olivia was sitting in the middle of the floor staring at a bottle when there was a knock on the door. She didn't get up hoping whoever it was would go away. Instead she just waked in._

"_Olivia what are you doing?" she asked._

"_Nothing, Just go away, leave me alone," she replied belligerently._

"_No, I won't,"_

_Serena walks over and takes the bottle and pours it down the kitchen sink._

"_What are you doing?" Olivia questioned._

_Serena finds all the bottles hidden around the apartment and dumps them down the drain._

"_You're not going to do this to her. She needs you, you can't just give up. You can't give up on your life because she won't be ok if you do. I won't let you be me. I won't let you hate, and hurt the way I did. I know that I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but this isn't going to be one of them,"_

"_What does it matter? Why do you care now? You've hated me my entire life so why should I listen to you?"_

"_Olivia you don't have any idea what it's like. I never wanted, or expected to not love you. I just let my problems, get in the way,"_

"_How could you not love me? I know why I just don't understand how. I mean why didn't you just give me to someone else,"_

"_I don't know," Serena sighed and then headed toward the door. When the door closed, the relationship between Olivia and Serena pretty much ended._

_End of flashback–_

"Oh,"

Before Olivia can come up with what else to say the baby starts crying. Ava rushes out of the room. Olivia doesn't even hear the crying until after Ava leaves the room.

"Hi baby princess. Did you get scared when you woke up and mommy wasn't in here with you?" Ava asks the baby as she scoops her up. Sophia instantaneously stops crying.

"Are you hungry?" Ava questions knowing the answer by the way Sophia sucks vigorously on her pacifier. As she fed her baby she made a decision. She needed some time to herself, some time to get away. Time to get away from her parents, just a couple of days. After she feeds the baby she makes a phone call to Jayne. Then she packs a bag. She gets herself ready and then packs Sophia's bag. She dresses the baby in a tiny purple dress, and puts a matching purple hat on her. She grabs a few bottles and baby formula, her purse, and her phone charger and then situates Sophia in her carseat. She grabs the bags and puts one on each shoulder. She takes a deep breath and quietly walks down the stairs. She puts the stuff in the stroller. She leaves a note on the kitchen table and then heads out the door. She steps out the door and finds a cab pulling up right on time.

"La Guardia please," she tells him after situating herself in the car.She gets to the airport in no time. She gets on a plane within an hour of getting to the airport.

* * *

_A/N: Come on guys two more reviews and I'll update! Please!_


	27. On the beach

"What a beautiful baby," the flight attendant says to her as the other passengers board.

"Thanks,"

"How old is she?"

"Two months," Ava answers as she stares at the sleeping baby.

"Is it her first time?"

"Yeah, if I'm lucky she'll sleep through the whole thing,"

"I've seen a lot of fussy babies,"

"She's an angel, aren't you Soph?"

The baby smiles in her sleep. Ava tries to relax on her flight, but she knows that she'll be in deep trouble when she gets home. Two and a half hours later she finally arrives at her destination. Her arms are nearly numb from holding the baby so long. She gathers up her bags, and puts the baby over her shoulder. She then gets off the plane. As she walks down the hall she hears Sophia gurgling and cooing. She locates the carseat and the stroller. She unfolds the stroller and sticks the carseat in it. She sticks the diaper bag under the stroller in and open compartment. Then she puts the backpack on top of it. Finally she puts the baby in the stroller. She buckles her in and wheels into the busy airport. She walks into the lobby and around a corner and finds who she's looking for.

"Hi," the blonde smiles and waves as she approaches.

"Hi Jayne,"

"Oh my look at how much she's grown since the last time I was her,"

"Yep,"

"Are you ready to go?"

"Uh huh. So how long ago did your plane come in?"

"About ten minutes ago,"

"I thought I'd get here before you did,"

"I didn't have to wait. I got my bag and told everyone I was going to the beach and that I'd be back Tuesday,"

"Do you keep a bag ready?"

"No, but I have all of my travel clothes in one area,"

"Oh,"

It didn't take very long for them to get to where they were going. That was of course after getting the rental car. When they got to their destination they couldn't wait to get into the condo. Once they get inside Ava decides to change before even unpacking. She slips on a bathing suit and a pair of sunglasses and is ready to go. She grabs the baby smears her with sunscreen and walks outside. She walks down the stairs. Then she goes through the parking lot, and up a few stairs. Then down a few and she's there. She stops for a second and just feels her surroundings. She walks straight toward the horizon. She stops when she gets to the place she'd been longing to be.

"Look Sophia. Do you see the ocean? You've never been here before. What do you think baby girl?"

Naturally Sophia doesn't respond, she just looks around from in her mother's arms. Ava digs her toes in the sand, as the ocean washes onto her feet. After the ocean recedes she steps out of the hole that she's in and bends down and touches the water as it splashes up. She rubs her wet hand on Sophia's chubby leg.

"Do you like that?" she asks after putting some ocean water on her.

She turns and walks back about ten feet. She firmly holds onto the baby as she uses the other hand to unwrap the towel from her waist. She lays it on the sandy beach and then sits on the towel. She spreads her legs out and sits the baby up between them. Sophia starts fussing so Ava holds her up. She puts the baby's toes in the sand. The baby smiles, whether it was voluntary or not Ava didn't care it was a sign to her.

"Did you like that?"

Ava sits with the baby and stares at the ocean for nearly an hour. She then gets tired of sitting and decides to get up. She walks back to the ocean. She walks along the edge for a few minutes until Jayne comes and gets her.

"Are you hungry?" Jayne asks.

"Yeah, she probably is too. She probably needs a new diaper as well,"

They go back to the condo and get cleaned up. Ava quickly changes and then feeds, and changes the baby. She puts the baby in her carseat and then goes into the living room of the condo.

"Are you ready?" Jayne asks her.

"Yeah," she sighs.

After a five minute car ride they arrive at Pirate Joe's. As they pull into the parking lot Ava lets out a big sigh.

"What are you thinking about Ava?"

"Last summer,"

"What about it?"

"How things were a lot different. They were a lot less complicated. We were on the beach without a care in the world. Adam and I would get up and just walk from one end of the beach to the other. I never thought this is how things were going to turn out. We've got this tiny, precious little girl, and Adam is gone. Everything went so wrong some how,"

"Maybe it didn't, it just went differently than planned,"

"How can you not be depressed?"

"Therapy, and knowing that I have to go on for my kids, and my precious little granddaughter,"

"Why didn't you ask?"

"Ask what? About how it happened?"

"It doesn't matter,"

"Weren't you upset when he told you that I was pregnant?"

"No,"

"Why not?"

"Because I knew that you guys would figure it out. I knew that it would happen eventually, I figured you guys would be married but, some times just have to go differently,"

"How can you be so understanding? I would freak out if Sophia came home and told me that she was pregnant I don't care if she was fifteen or fifty,"

"You've got to pick your battles. Change the things you can, and accept the ones you can't,"

"How do you just accept it? I have a hard time accepting anything I'm hanging on by a thread right now,"

"You have to deal with it, and let it go. If you hold on to it forever you lose where you're going. Ava before all of this happened you used to be such a different person. The girl I knew was as tough as nails. You wanted to go to college and be a lawyer, and by a district attorney by the time that you were twenty eight,"

"I can't do any of that. I've got a baby to take care,"

"So do it in spite of everything. I promise if you had as much of a work ethic as you do ambition, you'd have it made. There aren't any free rides in this life you've got to work your ass off for everything. You can't give up when you encounter a road block. You're creative you've got to come up with a way to get around it. Sometimes you have to back track, but eventually you'll get there,"

"How?"

"Faith, and a whole hell of a lot of work,"

"Jayne I can't do all of this. No one has any clue what I'm going through. I mean my mom doesn't understand, and she has no clue what to say to me, it's so awkward,"

"Communicate with her,"

"I talk to her..."

"Communicate. Do what it takes for her to understand what you're feeling,"

Meanwhile in New York:

Olivia bounds down the stairs hoping that Ava will be in the kitchen since she isn't in her room. Plus the truth is that she's hungry. She walks into the kitchen and finds no one. She sees an envelope on the table. It's simply addressed, "Mom". Olivia unseals the envelope and pulls out a piece of paper. She reads it carefully to herself.

_Mom,_

_I can't do this right now. I need you to understand me and you don't, at all. I just need to get away. I've got a lot on my mind and I need to go somewhere to clear it. I'll be back on Tuesday. Don't worry I'll be fine. Sophia is fine too. I didn't go alone either. I'm with a responsible adult so don't worry. I've got my cell phone. Don't try to track me though my smart chip is in the freezer, just chillin'. Anyway please don't be mad. I just need you to be there for me unconditionally and I know I don't make it easy, but I do need you. I need a lot of things right now and one of them is to just get away from the same old thing day in and day out. _

_Love,_

_A_

Olivia swallows hard, and breathes deeply. She swallows her pride and decides that she's got to change something, fix it some how. She realizes that she's going to lose her daughter if she doesn't do something. And she doesn't have long anyway.

She calls the airport anyway though. They tell her no one by that name has gotten on.

That night Ava turns in her bed. She checks on Sophia more than usual even though she's only two feet away. It seems that the things we miss the most when they're gone are the ones that passed us by. For Ava it was probably her childhood. The one she never really got to have.

Then there were the mistakes she'd made. The one she'd known she'd made and in the back of her mind she knew what the outcome was going to be. For some reason she always got to have the consequences from all of her actions. Not even once did she miss out on them. She was unlucky like that. But she'd decided long ago that she wasn't going to let anything get in her way. But she'd let it. She wanted to change it back, but she knew it was going to be incredibly hard. She knew that the storm looming over her at the moment had just stalled and was preparing to pour down on her just as hard as ever.

Then she thought about Adam. That always put her in a dark place. She couldn't sleep anymore. It was just past six and Sophia was still fast asleep. She warms up a cup of instant coffee and then goes onto the balcony to look out at the ocean, and the impending sunrise. She remembered just a little over a year ago. She was sitting in the same exact spot, but she wasn't alone. He was there sitting next to her, holding her hand. Every so often he'd just whisper 'I love you', to her. She missed his voice. She misses his kiss. She missed his touch. The way he'd just hold her, she missed that too. She just missed him. As she stares out at the ocean she sees the choppy, unpredictable waves. And then the sky cracks and the rain starts pouring down. And she knows that's what's about to happen in her life. That what's in the back of her mind is soon going to be coming to light. That she'll have to deal with it. Of course it'll have to be sooner than later too.

As she walks back into the condo and shuts the door behind her she hears the baby stir. She sits down the full coffee cup and rushes into the room and picks the baby up out of the crib. It was just three summers ago that Adam's little sister was in this crib. That seemed like a lifetime ago, when things weren't so complicated, and life was new. Maybe just not as different. She focuses on the baby.

"Hi, Sophia. Did you hear mommy go outside? I love you beautiful angel," she says softly.

Sophia smiles at her.

"Are you smiling at mommy?"

The baby continues smiling. She coos and reaches up to touch her mother's face. Ava pulls her up towards her face and kisses her hand as she tries to touch her mouth. She goes into the kitchen and warms up a bottle. She re-wraps Sophia up in her soft pink receiving blanket and gives her the bottle. There weren't many things that made Ava smile anymore but Sophia was one thing that could make her smile any day.

After feeding the baby she goes and gets dressed. Then she changes, and dresses the baby. She decides to put Sophia's abundance of hair in two tiny pig tails. She puts tiny little sandals on the baby to match her tiny pink dress.

* * *

_Come on guys 7 more reviews and I'll update. Please! Maybe I'll even give you a little bonus._


	28. Home not so sweet home

Ava tries to relax on her little get away, but the whole time she's away she feels like something just isn't right. That she's a little bit off. The rendevous quickly comes to an end and before she knows it she's on a plane home. She nearly falls asleep on the short flight home. As she gets off she collects her things. Secures Sophia's wings on her diaper bag, and goes to toward the entrance of the airport. She hails a cab, and sluggishly puts her things in the cab and begins the journey home. She's home with in twenty minutes. Luckily it's dark. It was about two, in the morning on Tuesday.

She pays the cabby, and gets her stuff out of the cab. She somehow manages to hold every thing while she quietly unlocks the door. She creeps in sits the stuff out of the way. Goes back and carefully, and quietly shuts and locks the door. She secures her grip on Sophia and quietly crawls up the stairs. Not a single stair creeks. This surprises her because while she's kind of light on her feet the baby feels heavy, as well as Ava's whole body due to sheer exhaustion, but also due to the fact that she's a total klutz.

She walks into her room via the open door and puts the baby in her crib while scooting it to the end of the bed making the baby easy access. She quietly tiptoes back to the door and shuts it. She strips down and quickly throws on a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. She turns off her light and crawls into bed. As she gets comfortable she reaches over on her night stand and grabs a sleep mask. She slips it over her eyes.

Most of this turns out to be unnecessary because Olivia is the only one in the house. She only wakes up for a few things, light, phone, and someone talking to her. About ten minutes later Elliot comes in. He's so tired he doesn't even notice the stuff by the door. He goes to the bedroom, then bathroom, showers, and quickly crawls into bed.

Sophia sleeps all night, and into the day. At the crack of eleven thirty Ava finally wakes up. She smells coffee. For some reason it smells very unappealing to her. It almost makes her sick to her stomach. She quickly gets over it though. She takes off her mask and hears the baby babbling. She sits up and looks at the baby.

"Hi," she says softly. She scoops her up, and walks downstairs to the kitchen.

"Hi," Elliot says as if she wasn't even gone.

"Do we have any bottled water?" Ava asks as she peers into the fridge.

"In the crisper," he answers as he reads the newspaper and sips coffee.

"Thanks," she says as she grabs a bottle and walks over to him.

"Will you hold her?"

"Sure,"

She puts the baby in his arms. She then sits down across from him at the island.

"Elliot, Elliot, El, Stabler," she starts.

He is so into the paper that he doesn't even register that he's talking to her.

"DAD!" she sighs impatiently.

"What Ava?" he questions as he puts down at the paper and looks at her, then the baby, then at her again.

"I just wanted you to notice me,"

"When did you get back?"

"Two thirty this morning,"

"Ouch,"

"Where's mom?"

"Physical therapy. She's probably on her way home now. Physical therapy was at nine, but she had to leave at seven thirty to get there on time,"

"Oh. So how mad are you guys?"

"I'm not mad. I understand. You're mom isn't really that mad either,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah she'll just be glad to see you. You'll probably be grounded forever though,"

"I'm already grounded for the next eighteen to twenty-one years,"

"As long as you realize that,"

"I do,"

Elliot takes a deep breath and clears his mind. Then he realizes Sophia is staring at him.

"Hi Soph. How are you? Did you miss me?"

She grins at him.

"I guess that's a yes," Ava points out.

"I guess. When did she start smiling?"

"When we were at the beach,"

"Oh,"

Ava suddenly bolts out of the room.

"Watch her I'll be right back," she says quickly as she darts toward the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later Elliot goes to looks for her after feeding the baby. He hears her making noise in the bathroom. He knocks on the door gently.

"Ave are you ok in there?"

She opens the door and gives him a sour look and then retorts, "Do I look ok?"

"You look sick,"

"I know. I feel sick,"

"Did you drink the water?"

"Why?"

"You could be sick from it,"

"From the water in Florida?"

"I don't know. It could be anything really,"

"You're not..."

"Not what?"

"Not pregnant are you?"

"No,"

"Are you sure?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because you're mom told me what happened,"

"No. I'm not pregnant,"

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't but I'm pretty sure that I'm not,"

"How sure?"

"95 percent sure,"

"If you're not then what do you think is wrong?" he asks.

"I don't know, I think it's just because I haven't eaten breakfast this morning,"

"Could be,"

"I'm not really sure,"

"So when you..."

"When I what?"

"When you..."

"Had sex?"

"Yeah that,"

"You used protection. Right?"

Ava shamefully shakes her head.

"Then how can you be sure?"

"I can't,"

"Why didn't you use protection,"

"I'm catholic,"

"You are not," he protests.

"I really am, but that isn't really the reason,"

"When did you become catholic?"

"When I was born,"

"What do you mean?"

"My grandparents are catholic. I think I've been to St. Matthew's near Cleveland about a million times. I was even christened,"

"Oh,"

"I don't know how I can think about this right now, I need to clean her up, then get online and get my homework that I need to get done by tomorrow. Then I have to do it. I just don't have time for this. I'll deal with it later,"

"Ava this isn't something you can deal with later. You need to deal with it now,"

"I don't have time to deal with it right now. I'll do it later," she retorts stubbornly.

"Fine," he caves as she leaves the room with Sophia.

Olivia gets home half an hour later. By this time Ava is showered and dressed, and the baby is clean and dressed. Ava has just finished printing out her homework, and is just starting it. She has the baby sitting on the island in her bouncer as she does homework.

"Hi mom," Ava says as she hears Olivia shut the door.

"Ava?"

"I'm in the kitchen,"

Olivia goes into the kitchen.

"I would ground you, but since you never leave the house I can't, but I can..."

"Lecture me. Look as much as I look forward to your lectures I think you can save your breath. I'm tired and I know that I've screwed up. I'm really good at it. I'm trying to figure things out and overcome my recent mistakes which is hard because I just keep making them, but don't worry I've learned my lesson,"

"About what?"

"Sex,"

"What would make you say that?" Olivia wonders suspiciously.

"Because for some reason I'm just now learning about cause and a effect. If you do the same exact thing twice you end up with the same result twice,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing never mind, I'll let you figure it out on your own. You let me figure it out on my own, you didn't own up to it, but that's ok,"

"Ava calm down, and just talk to me about what's going on with you. Why did you feel like you needed to run away?"

"Because sometimes things get overwhelming. And I know that I'm supposed to act like an adult and adults don't do those sorts of things, but I was losing my mind. Walk a mile in my shoes and back again and tell me that you don't want to rip your hair out along the way,"

"Look I know what's bothering you which is why you've got an appointment with a therapist on Friday after school, but what is this whole cause and effect kick you're on?"

"Cause and effect," Ava says the last part as she points to Sophia.

"Ok so what are you telling me?"

"You told Elliot,"

"Of course I did he's your father,"

"Yeah whatever. Anyway he asked me if I used protection,"

"And you told him?"

"The truth,"

"So?"

"So he thinks that I'm pregnant,"

"Why?"

"Because I was sick earlier,"

"Maybe you are pregnant,"

"No I'm not trust me. I'd know if I were,"

"How can you be sure that you aren't?"

"I just had this conversation. Look I can't be sure, but it doesn't matter because I have a doctor's appointment the twelfth,"

"Don't you..."

"Just drop it. I don't have time for all of this I have two days of homework, and makeup work I need to get done by tomorrow, so please just let it go for now,"

"Fine. Why don't I take the baby so you can get your work done?"

"Ok," Ava agrees.

* * *

_A/N: So what do you think? Should she be pregnant or not? Drop me a line or two. Reviews are much appreciated._


	29. Little girls

"_Mommy!" a strawberry-blonde four year old screeches as she runs through the park._

"_Hi baby," her mother smiles as she scoops her up._

"_I missed you so much,"_

"_I missed you too,"_

"_Mommy guess what?"_

"_What?"_

"_I learned how to tie my shoes,"_

"_Wow,"_

"_And I can write my name,"_

"_Wow,"_

"_And I can read too." she finishes._

"_Wow you're getting so grown up,"_

"_Uh huh. I know I can count to fifty too,"_

"_Good. So are you hungry?"_

"_Uh huh. How'd you guess?"_

"_I don't know,"_

"_What are we going to have?" she asks as she takes her mother's sunglasses off her face._

"_I think there's a happy meal around here somewhere," she replies as she looks around for a second._

"_Mommy it's behind you,"_

"_Oh," she turns around and picks up the bag. When she looks at her daughter again she's wearing her sunglasses._

"_You're goofy,"_

"_I know. Now can I eat?"_

"_Yes, but let's go sit at a picnic table,"_

"_K,"_

And then she woke up. Those were the days. When all it took to please her daughter was a happy meal. As she thought about that day she could remember quite clearly. It was a week before Ava's fourth birthday. She could even remember what Ava was wearing. A little pink dress with flowers on it, and a pair of white sandals with tiny flowers on them. And of course the sunglasses she'd stolen.

Olivia reaches over in bed and finds that Elliot isn't in bed with her. Someone else was though. She almost has a panic attack but as she reaches her hand over she feels long, silky locks. She knows that it's Ava. She rolls over to look at her daughter. Her daughter stares back at her.

"Why are you awake?"

"I couldn't sleep anymore,"

"What time is it?"

"Five thirty. I figured I might as well just stay up I need to be up in half an hour anyway,"

"Why couldn't you sleep anymore?"

"I just have a lot on my mind,"

"Is that why you're in bed with me?"

"Uh huh, and Elliot fell asleep on the couch,"

"Oh. Are you ok?"

"Uh huh. I'll be fine. I need you to sign my school excuse,"

"Ok,"

Olivia can't see very well because it's so dark. She's startled when something between her and Ava moves.

"Sophia please go back to sleep," Ava begs.

"Why is she awake?"

"I don't know. I went to bed at ten, and she woke me up at one. I had to put her in bed with me to get her to go to sleep. Then at three I fell back asleep. And at three thirty she woke me back up. At four we went back to sleep, until about ten minutes ago when she kicked me in the chest,"

"It isn't any fun is it?"

"Not when she wakes up fifty times a night. She normally sleeps all night. I don't know what's wrong with her..."

"She might be teething,"

"I don't think so I just think she's colicky,"

"Maybe,"

"So how are you?"

"With what?"

"Your wounds?"

"They're healing,"

"So did you tell his kids yet?"

"No, we're going to tell them this weekend,"

"So how are they?"

"Fine. They're slowly, but surely making me fat, but they're fine,"

"Well I should probably get up. I need to feed her before I get ready for school,"

"Ok," Olivia turns on the lamp, signs Ava's note and then Ava leaves.

Ava gets home and does her homework. Surprisingly she doesn't have too much so she gets done pretty quickly. She lets Sarah go home around five thirty. The baby falls asleep so she puts her in her playpen and then goes to grab a bite. While she's in the kitchen there's a knock on the door. She goes to the door, and looks out the peephole. It's Kathleen. She unbolts the door and opens it.

"Come in,"

"Is my dad home?" she asks on the verge of tears.

"He's still at work I don't know when he'll be home,"

"I'll just go then,"

"No come in what's going on?"

"My mom and I just had a fight was all. I was wondering if I could stay here for a few days,"

"It's fine with me, now come in," Ava demands.

Kathleen grabs a bookbag and a duffle bag and comes in.

"What happened?"

"She got mad at me,"

"For what?"

"It doesn't matter,"

"You can tell me. I'm..." she almost lets the fact that she's Kathleen's half sister slip out.

"You're what?"

"I'm here for you,"

"You barely know me,"

"But I'm sure I can probably relate to what's going on,"

"Maybe,"

"Tell me then,"

"Well she's mad at me because I brought this guy home,"

"And?"

"And no one else was home,"

"And?"

"And she kind of walked in on us,"

"And?"

"And she threw a fit saying that I should know better, and all sorts of stuff. She blew it all out of proportion, I don't know why it's such a big deal to her. I mean she sleeps with multiple guys. I mean she thinks we don't know, but it's so obvious,"

"Trust me she has a good reason. She just doesn't want you to make a mistake that you can't fix. One that will change everything. I know that I'm younger than you are, but I also know that having sex is a bad idea. I know that most people are, but it still isn't a very good idea. I've learned the hard way that there are consequences,"

"Yeah but I'm careful, and it's not like I'm sleeping with a bunch of people. Just one,"

"Ok. But there are a lot of things you've got to think of. First off you're sleeping with everyone he's slept with basically. So know his history first..."

"He's a virgin,"

"How old is he?"

"Nineteen,"

"He's probably not. Then comes what if the condom breaks? Are you ready to deal with and std or hiv, or a baby? I mean I know that it doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to enough people. And don't think that you're going to be an exception. I mean hypothetically if you get pregnant then is this guy going to stick around or is he going to leave you on your own? And I know I probably sound like your mom, but she's right. Anything can happen and you have to be ready for it,"

"But nothing's going to happen,"

"How do you know?"

"I..."

"Look I know that this all sounds crazy, but it's not. I know. I mean I've got a baby. Half the time you're lucky if all you wind up with is a baby,"

"I don't want a baby,"

"And do you think I did?"

"Probably not,"

"I mean I wouldn't trade her but I certainly wouldn't minded waiting a while before I had her,"

"How did that happen? I mean what's the story there?"

"There's not much of one. I mean I wanted to wait until I was married, or at least eighteen just because I knew what could happen. I also knew that my boyfriend would stay by my side no matter what, but I didn't want to take the chance,"

"But?"

"But someone had different plans for me. One of his friends laced our drinks with something, and the next morning there was Adam in my bed. Then before long I realized I was pregnant. Then when she was two weeks old I got really mad and I went to see him. And well I let my hormones mix with the fact that I wanted to make my mom mad and I did it all over again..."

"But nothing happened right?"

"I don't know. I don't think so but I've been off lately so who knows. Sometimes I feel like a freaking PSA. You know? Safe sex, abstain from sex, but you know most of the time that doesn't happen,"

"So where is Adam?"

"On a mantle,"

"Excuse me,"

"He's sitting in a jar on his mother's mantle. The day after I well... anyway he was killed by a drunk driver,"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah,"

"So where's your mom?"

"She went in to do some paperwork. She's getting her cast at the end of the week, and then Monday she's back at work for a while,"

"What do you mean for a while?"

"I might as well tell you, because at the rate they're going they never will,"

"Tell me what?"

"They're having a baby, well actually twins,"

"When?"

"In March,"

"It's almost October when were they planning on telling us?"

"I don't really know,"

"So..."

"So?"

"I guess I really don't know that much about you,"

"No,"

"So you want to tell me about you?"

"I don't know. There are some things that you don't know, and probably should, but..."

"But what?"

"But adults don't know how to just tell it how it is,"

"Which adults,"

"My mom and Elliot,"

"About what?"

"Me,"

"What about you?"

"Oh lots of things,"

"Such as?"

"Well let me think, probably just about everything,"

"Oh,"

"So what exactly do you want to know about me?"

"Whatever you want to tell me,"

"Such as?"

"What about your dad where is he?"

"Oh well that is a really interesting question,"

"Why is that?"

"Because it's a long story,"

"I've got all day,"

"I figured you might say that, so I might as well tell the story," Ava tells her.


	30. The Truth of the Matter

"Ok, well go ahead,"

"My mom was with a guy named Rich..."

"Your dad,"

"Well..."

"Where is he?"

"He's dead. He died when I was little. And when I was three my mom left we with his parents up until last Spring,"

"Right,"

"Well he was kind of a prick. He was really a prick. He left my mom when she was pregnant with me. He ran off with another girl and went to California, or as I like to call it Prickifornia,"

"And?"

"So I just accepted the fact that I didn't have a dad,"

"But?"

"But I found out that he really wasn't my dad,"

"Your mom lied to you about that?"

"No, not exactly. She didn't know. You see they were at a party, and she walked in on him with another girl. So she got pissed and had a few too many drinks. Then she went outside and saw a guy in a similar situation. He was having problems with his wife. But they hit it off, and since they were both drunk they had sex with each other. It's really such a sweet story isn't it?"

"No,"

"It really brings your mother into a new light when you find out you were conceived because she was drunk, but anyway..."

"Any way?"

"She didn't realize this until recently. Because she had a dream about it, but after some discussion she realized that it wasn't a dream it was reality. So she told the guy that he might be my dad, since we already knew that I was the same blood type as he was,"

"So then what?"

"I guess she had his DNA ran against mine and it turned out that he really was my dad,"

"So where is he now?"

"Well right now he's at work,"

"So do you have visitation with him or something,"

"No,"

"Why not?"

"I don't need visitation,"

"Why not?"

"Because I see him everyday anyway,"

"Where?"

"At home,"

"What?"

"Elliot is my dad,"

"What?"

"Yeah apparently you aren't my step-sister, you're really my half sister. Isn't it nice to know that our parents aren't perfect..."

"So let me get this straight, my dad, is also your dad,"

"Yep,"

"Oh," she sighs.

"So how do you feel about that?"

"It doesn't make much difference to me. I mean what's one more sibling? No offense,"

"None taken,"

"But I have to say it doesn't really surprise me. I mean they're meant for each other right? For some reason the universe keeps pulling them together. Don't ya think?" Kathleen turns to Ava for a response. Ava appears to be unconscious. Kathleen tries to wake her up but can't. The baby starts crying. Kathleen picks her up out of the playpen and tries to soothe her. Just as Kathleen quells the baby's cry Ava starts shaking violently. Kathleen grabs the phone out of her pocket and calls 9-1-1. She grabs the diaper bag after hanging up and then moves over to Ava. The ambulance arrives with in minutes. Ava's seizure has stopped, but she's still unconscious. As the E.M.T.'s come in she begins to have another seizure. They give her a shot of epinephrine after her second seizure stops they load her into the ambulance. Kathleen locks the door behind her, and then boards the ambulance with Sophia in her arms. On the way to the hospital she calls her dad.

"Hello?" he answers after a few rings.

"Dad," she replies frantically.

"Kathleen? You sound upset what's going on?"

"Long story, but I was at your house, and Ava just had a seizure we're on the way to the hospital,"

"Ok, what hospital are you going to?"

"University Hospital I think,"

"Ok. I'll meet you there in a little while,"

"K,"

"Oh do you have..."

"I've got the baby." She cuts him off.

"Bye,"

"Bye." She hangs up.

He hangs up and tells Olivia what's going on.

"I'll take care of it," he tells her.

"Ok," she agrees.

He then goes into the Captain's office.

"Captain,"

"Yeah?"

"I need to go one of my girl's is in the hospital,"

"Ok go. Do what you need to do,"

"Ok,"

When he arrives at the hospital the receptionist points him to Ava's room. The doctor is walking out as he's walking in.

"Excuse me can you tell me if she's ok?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Ava's father,"

"She's going to be ok. We got the seizures taken care of. We're giving her fluids, and keeping her over night. I'm taking her blood to the lab right now for some tests. Can you tell me about any unusual behavior lately?"

"She's been nauseous I think. But that's about all I know. She had a seizure in August too though,"

"Does she have a history of seizures?"

"I think so,"

"Ok. Well thanks for the help, you can go in if you want, but I've got to take these to the lab,"

"Ok,"

Elliot goes into the room. He sees Kathleen holding Sophia.

"How is she?" Elliot asks her.

"Ok I think. She scared me,"

"So what did the doctor tell you?"

"He said that she should be awake soon, and to just let her rest basically,"

"So what were you doing there anyway?"

"Mom and I had a really big fight, and I just wanted to stay for a couple days,"

"Ok. It's probably a good thing you were there. If she'd had a seizure when nobody was home who knew what could have happened,"

"So where's Olivia?"

"I told her that I'd come,"

"Oh. But didn't she want to come in case Ava needed blood or something?"

"No I..."

"You what? You're the same blood type? Yeah I know. I also know that you're her dad. She told me,"

"I know that I can't make what happened there right in your eyes but..."

"Don't worry about it,"

"Ok,"

"I'm a little bit mad at you though,"

"About that?"

"No I'm not mad about that. I'm mad that you didn't tell me the other thing,"

"What other thing?"

"That Olivia is pregnant,"

"Oh. That. I guess that Ava told you that too?"

"Yes,"

"I wanted to tell you guys but I wanted to wait until you were used to the fact that Olivia and I are married,"

"We're used to it. You're not going to completely set us over the edge by telling us this stuff, you'll do that by not telling us,"

"I can understand that,"

"Good,"

"So what were you and your mom fighting about?"

"Nothing, but there's been a lot of friction between us lately and I think that instead of staying with you a couple days I could stay for good. I mean I am eighteen,"

"I'll ask Liv but I'm pretty sure it should be fine. I mean you do have a room, and it is just kind of collecting dust,"

"Thanks,"

"Uh huh,"

"Hey you know what I think would be a good idea?"

"Well what if you girls had a day by yourselves with dad? All four of you girls?"

"What about Dickie?"

"I'll take him the next day by himself,"

"That's unfair!"

"Not my fault I've only got one boy,"

"I hope the twins are both boys,"

"At least one of them is a girl,"

"Oh,"

"And Olivia told me that we couldn't name her Sloane,"

"Well good. That's an awful name. You guys are going to have a rough time because you have to get it past four of us. You know we're all going to want to have input right? Well not Dickie,"

"Yeah he'd be fine if we named the twins Apple, and Orange,"

"Yeah that isn't cool,"

"I agree,"

"Uhm,"

"Hey Ava," Elliot says softly.

"Hi. Why am I in the hospital?"

"You had a series of seizures," he informs her.

"Oh. Where's mom?"

"She'll be here as soon as she gets off work,"

"Oh," she replies in a disappointed tone.

"She gets off in less than an hour,"

"I know,"

"Are you girls hungry? I could go get you something,"

"No I'll pass I don't want cafeteria food,"

"I'll get you something else what do you want?"

"Chicken..."

He cuts Ava off, "You both want a chicken strip combo with honey mustard and rootbeer to drink,"

They nod.


	31. Messed up

"Ok I'll be back in a little while," he informs them.

After he leaves Ava notices the far off look in Kathleen's eyes.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm going to call home and make sure the twins are ok,"

"Alright,"

Kathleen gives Ava the baby after she motions for her. Kathleen pulls out her phone and dials home.

"Hello?" Elizabeth answers.

"Hey Lizzie it's Kathleen is everything going alright?"

"I guess,"

"Did you guys get your homework done?"

"Yeah but there isn't anything around to eat,"

"Make a sandwich,"

"We're out of bread, and peanut butter, and everything. All we've got is some flat pop, and some crackers and..."

"Under my mattress there's twenty bucks if you can sneak it by mom you can go get some groceries,"

"She isn't home. She left,"

"Well go get the money and take Dickie with you to get something to eat,"

"K,"

"Lizzie,"

"Yeah?"

"How is she?"

"Not good. She was really mad after you left. She was drunk you know,"

"I know,"

"Well after you left things just got worse,"

"How?"

"She went into the bathroom for about an hour. It's like she doesn't think we know what she's doing. After she was done in there I think she ran out because she left looking like she thought she needed another fix. I can't believe after six months she doesn't think we've caught on,"

"I've got to go I think she's on her way home,"

"Do you have the money?"

"Yeah,"

"Stick it in your bra, and go get some food. Eat out. When you come home call me back,"

"Can you send daddy to come get us?"

"Yeah Liz I'll take care of it,"

"Bye," she says sadly as she hangs up.

Kathleen hangs up and puts the phone back in her pocket.

"What's going on?" Ava asks.

"Nothing,"

"You can tell me,"

"Things at home have been less than perfect lately. A lot of crap has been going on,"

"Like what?"

"Ever since my dad left my mom has gone off the deep end. First she started bringing guys home all the time. A different one every night. Then she started drinking and then..." Kathleen stops herself.

"Then what?"

"Then six months ago she started doing coke,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. I mean I know that I've had my problems, and mistakes of my own, but I'd never do drugs. But I know what it looks like when someone is on them,"

"How are Lizzie and Dickie?"

"Ok, but there isn't any food left in the house, so I sent them out to get something to eat,"

Just that very moment Olivia walks in.

"Hey," she says.

"I thought you weren't getting off for a while," Ava comments.

"I got done early. Where's Elliot?"

"He went to get us something to eat,"

"Oh,"

A few seconds later he walks back in the room.

"Here you go girls," he tells them as he hands them their food.

"Dad I..." Kathleen starts.

"I'll take care of it," Olivia tells her.

"Hey El can I talk to you in the hall for a second?"

"Sure,"

He follows her into the hallway. "What's going on?" he asks.

"I heard the girls talking before I went in,"

"And?"

"And you need to go get Lizzie and Dickie?"

"Why?"

"Kathy's..."

"Kathy's what?"

"Messed up,"

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard Kathleen say that Kathy has started using coke,"

"What?"

"Ask her yourself,"

"Ok," he hollers into the room. "Hey Kathleen will you come out here for a minute?"

"Yeah," she agrees.

"What were you and Ava talking about a minute ago?"

"I dunno why?"

"Kathleen is you mom on something?"

She tears up, "Daddy please don't arrest her,"

"What is she doing?"

"Does it matter? Will you please just go get the twins,"

"Yeah," he agrees.

He leaves, Kathleen returns to the hospital room, and Olivia calls Casey.

"Novak," she answer.

"Hi Casey this is Olivia can you do me a favor?"

"And what would that be?"

"Can you get an emergency custody hearing scheduled for tomorrow morning?"

"For who? And for what reason?"

"For Elliot's kids. It seems that Kathy has developed a drug problem..."

"Say no more I'll get the hearing scheduled for in the morning. I'll call you back as soon as I know. Olivia..."

"Yeah?"

"You realize that your relationship might come out over this?"

"Casey I don't care I just want them to be safe,"

"Ok, bye."

Olivia hangs up and goes back into the room. She sits down on the bed with Ava.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel a lot better now that I ate,"

"What do you mean?"

"If I don't eat, after a while I get dizzy, and sick to my stomach,"

"Oh," Olivia replies.

The doctor comes in the room.

"Hi Ava, I'm doctor Clark,"

"Hi doctor Clark,"

"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better,"

"I'd like to ask you a few questions now that you're awake,"

"Ok,"

"We noticed that your sugar was really low, do you ever feel sick if you don't eat?" he asks her.

"Yeah. If I don't eat after a while I feel tired, and dizzy, and nauseous,"

"That's what I thought you might say,"

"Does that mean that you know what's wrong?"

"I think we have a pretty good idea. Have you noticed that if you put off eating, or forget, or get sidetracked that you have seizures?"

"I haven't every really thought about it, but probably. I hadn't eaten dinner, so I guess it could be,"

"I think that the cause of your seizures is severe hypoglycemia,"

"What can we do to treat it?" Olivia asks.

"Make sure that you eat. And if you get to feeling sick have some candy, or juice. And if you get really sick, and you feel like you're about ready to pass out you can take some insulin. I'm going to write you a prescription for insulin, and a note to your teachers to allow you to have food in class, and I'm going to let you go home and get some rest,"

"I can go home?"

"Yep. As soon as I write your prescription you should be able to go home. But before I let you go I'd also like to ask your mom a few questions,"

"Ok," Ava agrees.

"When Ava was little did they do neurological exams to see if something of that nature was causing her seizures?"

"Yes, and they could never find anything,"

"Ok, well I'll be back in a few minutes with her 'script and then you can be on your way. Ava you can go ahead and get dressed, and ready to go home,"

"Thank you doctor," Ava says as he leaves the room.

She goes into the bathroom and gets dressed. When she comes out the doctor has dropped the prescription and note off, and they get ready to leave.

Olivia makes a call to Elliot.

"Hello?"

"Are you there yet?"

"No,"

"Well they're letting Ava go home, so just come home when you get done,"

"Ok," he agrees.

"Bye,"

"Bye love you,"

"Love you too," she hangs up.

By eight o'clock everyone is back home. Ava has gone to her room. Kathleen takes Sophia in order to give Ava some time to relax. Olivia helps Elizabeth and Dickie get settled into their rooms.

"Elizabeth why don't you go ahead and take a shower first," Olivia suggests.

"Ok," she agrees.

Olivia goes down the stairs to check on Dickie. His door is open, but she gently knocks anyway.

"Hey Dickie can I come in?"

"Yeah,"

"Are unpacked?"

"Yeah,"

"When your sister gets out of the shower you can take one,"

"Ok," he agrees.

"Bye," she says as she turns around to leave.

"Hey Olivia?"

"Yeah Dickie?"

"Thanks,"

"For what?"

"Everything,"

"I didn't do anything," she tells him.

"Yeah you did. Trust me,"

"Ok. Night Dickie,"

"Night... oh and Olivia,"

"Yeah?"

"Can you call me Richard, or Rick instead of Dickie? I've kind of out grown that name,"

"I know. I'm just used to you still being little. It's hard to believe that you're almost grown up,"

"Night,"

Olivia goes back upstairs and finds Elliot in the laundry room.

"Hey," she smiles at him.

"Hey,"

"You've got an emergency custody hearing at nine tomorrow,"

"Ok. Are you going to be there?"

"Yeah. I'll be there,"

"Liv our relationship is going to come out soon. I can feel it. I mean the captain is going to ask why you were there with me,"

"Custody hearings are private..."

"I know but..."

"It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it,"

"Ok," he agrees remembering why he loved her so much.


	32. Daddy's girls

The following morning Ava wakes Kathleen up before she takes off for school. Sarah comes, and Olivia wakes up and finds Elliot staring back at her.

"What?" she yawns.

"You're beautiful,"

"I doubt it. I normally look like crap when I get up,"

"I think you're gorgeous,"

"You have to say that you're married to me,"

He smiles and stares at her.

"What?" she asks again.

"Nothing," he lies.

"Tell me!" she demands.

"You're going to have to tell the Captain soon,"

"Why?"

"Because you're starting to show,"

"In a week it'll be cold, and I can hide it. Which is great because I'm going back to work next week,"

"I know. Can you believe that next week it'll be October already?"

"No, but I feel that way about a lot of things lately,"

"Well we better get up so that we can get the kids ready for court,"

"Ok," he agrees.

She jumps out of bed, and he heads for the shower. She walks down the hall to Elizabeth's room. She opens the door, and walks over to the blonde girl. She pulls the cover off of her face and whispers into her ear.

"Lizzie honey it's time to get up,"

Lizzie rolls over and looks at her. "Ok. What do you want me to wear?"

"The pink outfit you wore for..."

"The skirt?"

"Yeah,"

"K, gotcha. You better go wake Dickie up, he's grouchy in the morning,"

"Why don't you do it?"

"No way,"

"Hold on,"

Olivia goes to her room grabs something out of her drawer, and goes back to Lizzie's room.

"Here you go,"

"What's this for?"

"To go wake him up,"

"You're going to let me use this to wake him up?"

"Sure why not?"

"Seriously?"

"You better go before I change my mind," Olivia tells her.

Lizzie breezes past her and races down two flights of stairs into her brother's room. She gets to the basement, rushes past her sister, and opens the door to her brother's room. She gets just inside the door and uses the item in her hand. She puts it up to her lips and blows. The whistle is loud and Dickie jumps out of bed. Lizzie runs out of his room, back up two flights of stairs and races back into her room, and shuts, and locks the door behind her. Dickie gets up the stairs just in time to find Olivia.

"What are you doing?" she asks him.

"I'm going to kill her,"

"Why?"

"She blew a whistle in my ear to wake me up?"

"You can't kill her, but maybe if you had been awake she wouldn't have done that. Now go back downstairs, and get dressed. Is Kathleen awake?"

"Yeah,"

"Tell her to help you pick you out an outfit for court,"

"Fine. Olivia..."

"Yeah?"

"Never mind,"

"What were you going to ask?"

"Nothing you'll probably just say no anyway,"

"You can still ask,"

"Do you cook?"

"I can why? Do you have a request?"

"Well I kind of was wondering if you'd make me french toast?"

"Yeah that I can do. Why don't you ask your sister if she wants some too,"

"But I'm sure she locked her door,"

"Your other sister,"

"Oh yeah,"

As Olivia reaches the kitchen she hears Dickie yell back at her.

"She said she wants some," he screams.

She shakes her head and gets out the frying pan. When she finishes she yells out.

"Guys it's ready,"

Dickie appears first, then Lizzie and Kathleen, Elliot comes down last.

"You made breakfast?" Elliot asks.

"And coffee. But I need to get dressed and get ready,"

"Ok, love you hon,"

"You too,"

Olivia is ready in twenty minutes, and five minutes after that they leave the house. The arrive at court right on time. They have to wait ten minutes for Kathy to show up.

"Ok I'm going to make this simple," the judge begins. "It has been brought to my attention that these kids have been endangered according to their father. Miss Kathleen Stabler can you come to the stand please?"

"Yes sir," she nods.

She goes to the stand and is sworn in.

"Miss Stabler why did you request that your father go get your siblings from your mother's house last night?"

"Because there wasn't any food in the house. Your honor she's recently developed a drug habit, that is why I was concerned about them,"

"I see. We'll have drug test preformed on her as soon as we're done here today. Thank you Miss Stabler can you can step down now,"

"Thank you," she says as she steps off the stand.

"Elizabeth and Richard Stabler can you come up here for a minute please?"

They nod, and are sworn in.

"Can you attest to what your sister says is true?" the judge asks.

"Yes sir," the say in unision.

"I'd like to ask you two a question,"

"Yes sir," Dickie answers.

"Go ahead," Elizabeth responds.

"Would you two rather live with your mother or your father?"

"Our dad," Dickie tells him.

"Dad," Elizabeth repeats.

"Ok you two can step down,"

They do so, and then the judge turns his attention to Kathy.

"Miss do you have anything to say in your defense?"

"It's unfair. He can't have them. They're my kids. That bitch stole my husband, and now she wants to steal my kids," she raves.

"That's enough Miss," he directs at Kathy. He thinks for a minute and then rules, "Custody is granted to Elliot Stabler of Elizabeth, Richard, and Kathleen Stabler indefinitely. Miss O'Brien if you agree to take a drug test, and if that drug test does so reveal that you're on drugs which I'm guessing it will, you must enter treatment. After you complete this program, and prove that you're clean, and sober, and can take care of these children the court will re-evaluate the circumstances,"

Kathy doesn't say anything.

"Court dismissed," he rules.

Elliot heads to the station as Olivia takes the kids to school. Then she decides to go pay Kathy a visit. She walks into the house and finds Kathy sitting on the couch watching T.V. as if nothing had been going on.

"Kathy?"

"What are you doing here?" she asks as she turns off the T.V.

"I just wanted to talk to you,"

"About what?"

"Why'd you do it? You love your kids what would make you do this?"

"You have no idea what it's like Olivia,"

"What what's like?"

"Having your marriage fall apart, and then everyday looking at your kids knowing that you've disappointed them. Living everyday knowing that you're a failure as a wife and a mother,"

"But... that still isn't a good enough reason,"

"I know that. At first it was just drinking. And then I started going out with all of these guys. And then... well then I turned to drugs because when I get high I don't have to think about what a failure I am,"

"That doesn't sound like it would drive you to drugs though,"

"It doesn't matter. None of it matters does it? My kids are gone, so I don't have a reason to care anymore,"

Olivia shakes her head and goes to Kathy's room. Kathy follows her. Olivia has a bag and is tearing through drawers and the closet.

"What are you doing?"

Olivia doesn't answer. She stops, and then calmly zips the bag.

"I asked what you're doing,"

"Come on," Olivia orders.

"Where?"

"You're going to get help,"

"Why?"

"Because your kids need you,"

"No they don't. They've got you, you're there mother now,"

Olivia takes out her handcuffs and slaps them on Kathy. She takes Kathy to the car and puts her in the back seat, with her bag.

"Here are your two options. I can either go back in the house and dig through your stuff, or I can dig through your pockets until I find some coke, and then I can take you to jail, or I can take you to a treatment facility. I don't have a problem doing either one. So what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to go to jail,"

"Then you'll go to rehab?"

"I guess," she agrees.

Olivia takes her to rehab.

The weekend finally comes. Olivia gets her cast off, and the kids get adjusted to their new environment. As promised Elliot takes the girls on a day by themselves.

Sunday:

"Are you girls ready to go?" he asks his four daughters as they finish their breakfast consisting of poptarts, strudels, cereal, or a combination of any two of these.

They nod and put their shoes on.

"Daddy where are we going?" Lizzie asks.

"He's not going to tell you," Maureen reminds her.

"But it was worth a shot. I mean I don't like surprises," Ava adds.

"Me neither," Kathleen agrees.

"Just get in the car," he tells them.

He plans on taking them fishing, but halfway there Kathleen gets the truth about where he's taking them. Somehow he gets convinced to take them shopping. Which is a mistake. They only get through one store before he decides to do something else. He takes them for ice cream, and then to a museum. He gets back around five. The girls rush into the house, and he drags himself in.

"Did you have a good time?" Olivia asks.

"I'm never doing that again. They wore me out,"

"Sorry honey,"

"I mean they never stop. They just talk back and fourth for hours without ever stopping. The only time I got silence is when they were eating. And that was for about eight seconds,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Me too," he agrees.

Olivia goes into the kitchen where the girls are all getting a drink for themselves.

"Did you girls have a good time with your dad?"

"Uh huh," they all reply.

Of course by this point Elliot had explained to the kids about Ava being their half-sister with the help of Olivia, Kathleen, and of course Ava. They all accept it, and don't seem to make a big deal about it. And of course this causes the girls to begin forming a bond, which is good, but not for Elliot because it's all of them against him. He had to admit he loved his daughters, but they could be trouble, especially when you put them all together to plot... mainly against him, but only in good fun of course.


	33. Escape from Pinemeadows

Tuesday (Olivia's second day at work): Elliot, Olivia, Munch and Fin are going over a case when Captain Cragen calls Elliot into his office.

"Yeah Captain," he answers.

"Can you come in here?"

"Uh huh," he agrees. He walks into his office and then asks, "What's up?"

"I just got a call from Pinemeadows rehabilitation center they said that Kathy checked herself out,"

"There isn't anything I can do,"

"There's someone on the phone from there who wants to talk to you,"

"Ok,"

Cragen steps out and let's Elliot take the phone call.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mr. Stabler?"

"Yes,"

"You're ex-wife checked herself out against doctor's orders,"

"Ma'am there isn't anything I can do,"

"The only reason we're calling is because we're concerned about the baby,"

"Excuse me?"

"The first day or two was fine. She was doing detox, we ran some tests, and yesterday we informed her that she was pregnant. She's about six months a long, she said that's about how long she's been doing drugs so I don't think that she knew. This morning when we went to check on her she was gone,"

"I don't know what I can do,"

"If you could just try and persuade her to come back,"

"Look ma'am I've got to take care of my kids, I don't have time to take care of her too. I don't even know where she's at to tell you the truth,"

"If you do think of somewhere she could be, or you talk to her please let us know,"

"Ok," he agrees as he hangs up. He walks out of the office.

"Elliot you can leave if you have something to take care of, Olivia, John, and Fin can handle this case,"

"I don't need to leave Captain. I'll take care of it later. I just want to focus on my work right now,"

"So how are you kids doing?"

"Ok,"

"I'm sure it's been tough,"

"Well Liv's been a lot of help,"

"She's a good friend you're lucky to have her," Cragen adds.

Elliot thinks to himself, _"You have no idea Captain." _Instead he just simply replies, "I know."

When they go home they haven't solved the case, and they're both simply exhausted. Things don't get any better when they get home. They walk in and it looks like a disaster zone. Olivia over looks it just because she's exhausted and goes to take a shower but Elliot decides to take action about the mess. He calls out, "Family meeting. NOW!" in a stern voice.

The kids pour into the living room. They sit down and wait for him to address them.

"Were the lot of you born in a barn? You need to pick up after yourselves. I want you to get this mess cleaned up,"

"Ok," they all murmur at different times preparing to be dismissed.

"This house is chaotic so we've got to come up with a system. Suggestions?" he asks.

"A chore chart," Ava suggests.

"Good Ava go ahead and do that,"

"I think we need to be more organized in general. Maybe we should have a calendar on the fridge with all of our appointments, games, and social engagements," Kathleen suggests.

"Yes. Every time something needs to be added to the calendar can you make sure it gets written down?" Elliot asks Kathleen.

"Can we do something about cooking? Because I'm tired of cooking," Ava wonders.

"Yeah me too," Kathleen adds.

"Ok why don't we all take turns cooking. Then we'll order pizza once a week,"

"What about lunch?" Dickie asks.

"And breakfast," Elizabeth asks.

"Make your own. For both,"

"Ok," Dickie huffs.

"Now does everyone have their homework done?" he asks.

"Yes," they all reply simultaneously.

"Good. Now go to bed please it's almost eleven o'clock,"

"But dad," Elizabeth protests.

"Go,"

"But dad..." she protests again.

"Dad we don't have school tomorrow," Kathleen quickly blurts out.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Teacher in service day," she replies.

"Ok. Dickie, Elizabeth you can stay up until midnight, but then you've got to be in bed,"

"K dad," they agree as they go their separate directions.

Once they're out of the room he tells Kathleen and Ava, "You two can stay up as late as you want, but don't be surprised when the twin terrors wake you up," he warns.

"I'm going to bed anyway. I just want to sleep in..." Ava starts, "But that won't happen because Sophia will wake me up," she finishes.

"Oh. Well night girls," he says as he heads up the stairs.

He gets in the shower immediately. He doesn't even care that Olivia is in the shower. They get out and drag their tired, achy bodies into bed. They throw the covers over themselves and try to go to bed.

"What?" Olivia asks after Elliot sighs loudly.

"She's pregnant," he tells her.

"Who? Ava?"

"No. Not that I know of,"

"Maureen?" is Olivia's next guess.

"No,"

"Kathleen?" she guesses again.

"No,"

"Lizzie? Tell me..."

He cuts her off, "It's not Lizzie. It isn't any of the kids,"

"Then who?"

"Kathy,"

"What?"

"A woman from rehab called me today and told me that Kathy checked herself out,"

"What?"

"I guess she went through detox, and once she was clear minded they told her that she was pregnant,"

"How far along? I mean Elliot I don't even know how long she's been..."

He cuts her off, "Six months. She's six months along."

"Oh,"

"What do I do? I mean am I supposed to do something? It isn't like this is all just going to go away. I mean as it stands it isn't like she can take care of this baby,"

"I guess we'll just have to take her back to rehab until she stays,"

"I just want to know why all of this started in the first place. I mean at that point in your life why would you just suddenly say I'm going to through it all away for drugs,"

"I don't know,"

"I just want to know why. If we find her will you talk to her?"

"She hates me. She thinks that I stole you and her kids away from her,"

"But you didn't,"

"But I'll always be the woman who broke up your marriage,"

"How? You didn't do anything,"

"Think about it. If the situation were reversed would it bother you if your wife spent that much time with another man?"

"You were my partner. It's a job,"

"Yeah but you had feelings for me,"

"But I'd never act on them. Not while I was still married to her. And I wouldn't divorce her for just that reason. She has to realize that there were so many other reasons that we divorced,"

"But she doesn't,"

"Will you talk to her?"

"Yeah. I'll try,"

The following day after work Elliot goes home, and Olivia goes to see if Kathy has gone home. When she gets there she finds Kathy and can tell that she's gotten high recently.

"Hi," Olivia says softly as she walks into the living room where Kathy is sitting vacantly.

"Hi," she says without making eye contact.

"Kathy?"

"Yeah?" she answers solemnly.

"Will you go back to rehab with me?"

"Why?"

"Because your kids need you,"

"I..."

"Kathy why are you doing this?"

"You don't understand,"

"Not if you don't tell me,"

"I..."

"Just tell me. Please,"

"I was coming home from a date,"

"And?"

"And the guy had been nice, but I just wanted to go home I was tired,"

"But?"

"He said he was going to take me home but he pulled over in a parking lot and..."

"And what?"

"Then... he..."

"He what?"

"You know what," she tells her.

"Ok. So then what?"

"He insisted on taking me home. He hadn't picked me up so I told him to drop me off about a block from my house. I walk down the sidewalk and in the ally I saw a guy,"

"What happened then?"

"He told me that I looked terrible and he knew what would make me feel better. He gave me a bag, and told me that it was free of charge because he knew the way I looked that I'd be back. When I got home I remembered that the kids were with their dad. So I went into the bathroom and showered for however long. When I picked my clothes up to throw them away it fell out of the pocket. I threw the clothes away and then went back into the bathroom. I was going to throw the bag away, but I thought that as bad as I felt it couldn't hurt it wasn't like I was going to feel any worse. So that's how it started,"

"You didn't know about the baby?"

"No. I mean..."

"So is ...?"

"Yeah. I..." she starts crying.

"Kathy why didn't you tell one of us? We would have helped you,"

"No one would have believed me. Especially not you,"

"What are you talking about?"

"I know that you think I'm just a slutty, no good liar,"

"I didn't say that,"

"But I'm sure that the thought has crossed your mind before,"

"No,"

"I know it has. You don't have to like me,"

"I..."

"Just go,"

"I want to help you. Your kids need you to be there for them and you can't do it like this,"

"What the hell do you want me to do about it? This is who I am now. I'm just some coke head who had her kids taken away from her,"

"But you don't have to be that person,"

"Olivia you're starting to piss me off would you please just leave?"

"Will you please go back to the treatment facility? Just stay for a month, or two that's all you have to stay. Just get clean, and get some help, and then you can come home,"

"Why? I don't have a home,"

"Please. Do you want your kids to see you kill yourself? Because that's the road you're quickly headed down,"

"So? I'm only bringing myself down. I'm only hurting myself,"

"And this baby. But beyond that you're hurting your kids. How do you think it makes them feel to know what you're doing?"

"I don't care what they feel like what about what I feel like? I have some rapists sick spawn growing inside of me. It might as well be the spawn of the devil,"

At that moment it becomes completely apparent as to what kind of person Kathy is. It confirms Olivia's suspicions that she's a self-centered, immature person who doesn't deserve the things that she's got.


	34. Babies, babies, babies

Olivia gives up and goes home. When she gets there Elliot the kids are waiting on her with dinner. They sit down and have a meal together. After it's over the girls take off in different directions leaving Dickie with the dirty dishes.

That night after Olivia gets out of the bathtub Elliot rubs her back, and they discuss the Kathy situation.

"So how did your discussion with Kathy go?"

"Ok I guess,"

"What did she have to say?"

"She wants to be where she is,"

"What about the baby?"

"She doesn't care. She says that she started the drugs because she was raped,"

"So the baby is a product of that?"

"Yeah, but I mean I don't know that I can believe anything that she says. I mean how can you tell if she's lying or not?"

"I don't know. So what are we supposed to do about it?"

"Elliot I don't know what we can do. We aren't her parents. She's not some unruly teenager, she's a grown woman and if she wants to throw her life away it's her prerogative,"

"I know but I feel like if there's something I can do I should,"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because she's the mother of four of my children. I can't stand to watch her hurt them by doing what she's doing,"

"We can try and have her charged with criminal negligence,"

"Like the Jennifer Fulton case?"

"Yeah. I mean it's basically the same thing right?"

"Yeah. I guess,"

"Why don't we just go to sleep and worry about it in the morning?" she asks.

"I don't know if I can go to sleep. I mean it isn't fair..."

"Elliot I know. I know what you're thinking. It isn't fair what she's doing to the baby no matter how it was conceived. Believe me I understand. I know that you think this kid should have a chance no matter what but we can't do anything about it can we?"

"We can..."

She cuts him off, "We can't do anything right now let's just go to sleep,"

"I know that. But maybe we could take the baby,"

"How are we going to do that? We're already in way over out heads. We have four teenagers living here, an infant, and two more on the way do you really want to take care of four babies under a year old at a time? Think about it an eight month old, a one month old, and two newborns and four teenagers. Do you really think we can do that? I mean sports, recitals, and dating for the older four, then Sophia will be crawling around, or maybe even walking by then, and we'll have three new babies. It's impossible we can't do that. Physically, or mentally, not to mention financially,"

"So what do we do just let children's services take the baby away?"

"If we have to. There isn't anything we can do Elliot. It isn't our problem,"

"I know that I just want this kid to have half a chance. It's already starting out with crappy odds. It just isn't fair,"

"I know. There are a lot of kids like that out there but we can't help all of them,"

"But we could help this one,"

"Elliot I can't do it. Ava needs me as it is, and with two babies on the way I can't deal with anything else. I need to take care of her right now, and then these babies when they come. I can't be responsible for that many people. I can't take care of them all. I can barely take care of the ones we have. It's hard enough to just keep them fed. We've got six kids here now plus two more on the way it's just too much. Elliot I went from having one kid who I didn't even take care of because I was being self-centered, now I've got all these people that need me. I just can't take on another person, especially another baby. I don't even know how I'm going to handle the two that are on the way,"

"But Olivia we don't have take care of them they're self-sufficient. They only need us for food, shelter, and money,"

"They aren't self-sufficient. They need us. They need for us to take care of them. And they all need therapy. Which by the way we have to go to on Friday,"

"Sounds thrilling," he exclaims sarcastically.

"Can we please go to bed now I'm tired,"

"Yeah,"

"Good. Night,"

"Night Olivia I love you,"

"I love you to Elliot," she tells him and then gives him a smooch.

They settle into bed and he turns off the lamp.

Luckily when Friday comes they get off work on time and head for therapy. After therapy Kathleen goes on a date, and Lizzie and Dickie go to friends houses. Ava, Elliot, Maureen, Olivia, and Sophia go back to the house.

"Maureen can we talk to you?" Elliot asks as they all sit in the living room.

"Yeah," she replies.

"Do you want me to leave?" Ava asks him.

"No. You can stay," he tells her.

She nods in acknowledgment.

"What?" Maureen asks.

"We have an issue that we'd like to have your suggestions on,"

"Ok what?"

"It's about your mom," Olivia adds.

"Ok?"

"She's pregnant," Elliot says.

"Oh. That doesn't really surprise me because..."

He cuts her off, "What do you think we should do?" Elliot wonders.

"I don't know. I mean she's coked out most of the time so I don't know how you could do anything with her..."

"What do you think should be done about the baby?" Elliot clarifies.

"Take him,"

"We can't take him we've got too many people to take care of it as it is," Elliot tells her.

"I really don't know what you should do about him,"

"Why do you keep saying him?" Elliot questions.

"It's a boy,"

"How do you know that?"

"I went to see her the day that she checked herself out of rehab. I was there when the doctor's told her. I was also there when they did the ultrasound,"

"They told her it was a boy?"

"No, she didn't want to know. I asked the doctor later and he told me,"

"Oh,"

"I've go to go, but I'll think about it and see if I can come up with anything," she declares.

"Ok," Elliot agrees.

"Bye dad," she hugs him.

"Bye," he kisses her on the cheek and she leaves.

That night at Maureen's apartment while she's laying in bed:

"Have you ever thought about adoption?" she asks.

"I don't know. Isn't it a little bit soon to be talking about that? I mean we just got engaged," he wonders.

"I know. But we're going to get married and..."

"Maureen I haven't even met your siblings or your parents,"

"You don't want to meet my mom,"

"Maureen what is this all about?"

"I want a baby?"

"All of a sudden you want a baby? And we aren't even married yet? I thought we were going to wait until after you were done with grad school,"

"I know that but..."

"But what?"

"What's your opinion?"

"I'd love to have a baby with you but, and you know that but I'd also like to wait until we're married,"

"I know..." she says with a far off look in her eyes. He brushes her blonde hair out of her eye. She runs her hands through his dark black hair and look into his big green eyes.

"What's all of this about? Are you pregnant? Is that why you're asking all of this?"

"No,"

"Ok then what's bothering you?"

"I've told you what kind of problems my mom is having,"

"Yeah and?"

"And she's pregnant,"

"Ok..."

She cuts him off, "She can't take care of a baby. I mean she checked herself out of rehab, and probably got high immediately after that and..."

"And what?"

"That isn't any kind of life for a kid. They'll take him away from her,"

"What are you getting at Maureen?"

"I never thought I'd even want kids. I mean being the oldest, and basically raising three younger kids, having my own didn't really cross my mind. Not until recently anyway. For some reason I all of a sudden had this urge to be someone's mother. And I think that we'd make good parents. I think that this baby needs some good parents. And my mom isn't going to be one, and who knows who the father even is. The baby needs a home and..."

"Maureen are you really sure that you want to do this? Now? I mean what kind of situation would we be getting into?"

"I don't know. The baby will probably not be very healthy at first..."

"And it might have developmental delays,"

"But if it were our biological child would you love it any less?"

"No,"

"Would you love this baby any less?"

"No,"

"Matt please. I love you. I can't let the state, or who knows who take this baby. It needs someone who will love it, and why shouldn't it be us? I'm going to do this either way because it's my flesh and blood and it needs me. So if you love me you'll do this, and if you don't you can hit the road,"

"Is that an ultimatum?"

"Yeah. It's all or nothing Matt. You've got to understand that there is nothing more important than my family,"

"Then why haven't I met them?"

"You will... I hope,"

"If you want to I'm behind you. I love you so I'll do it,"

"Really?"

"Yeah we can adopt this baby,"

"Good,"

"But Maureen..."

"Yeah?"

"If there is something wrong with this baby are you going to be prepared? You'll probably have to take time away from school,"

"I know that. As long as you're ready for it, I'm ready for it,"

"Ok, but there are a couple conditions,"

"What are those?"

"You have to introduce me to your family, and you have to marry me by the beginning of November,"

"Ok," she agrees.

"Ok,"

"I love you Matthew Ian Scott,"

"I love you soon-to-be Mrs. Matthew Ian Scott,"

"I'm lucky to have you, and so will he,"

"He?"

"Uh huh. It's going to be a boy,"

"What are we going to name him?"

"Whatever he looks like when he comes out, as long as it's a good strong name,"

"I guess we'll have to get a bigger apartment to make room for him,"

"It's a good thing that you've got a good job,"

"Yeah I know. Good night,"

"Night love you,"

"Love you more," he answers after turning the lights off.


	35. A day in the life of

"Hey," he whispers as he stares at her in the dark.

"I don't want to get up," she whines.

"We've got to go to work,"

She doesn't say anything. They just stare at each other for a few minutes.

"Liv..."

"What Elliot?"

"Nothing, never mind I don't want to be yelled at this early in the morning,"

She follows his line of sight to what he's looking at. "Elliot I know. I'm hideous. Thanks for the memo but I already got it. I'm getting big," she huffs.

"I didn't say that. You aren't even that big. I just now noticed that you're showing,"

"I can't say that I'm really surprised, I mean it is October and I'm four months pregnant with twins. It isn't really unexpected,"

"No I guess not. Well we better get up unless you want to be late for work,"

"I don't want to get up, but I will,"

The following weekend Maureen joins everyone for counseling. Afterwards she pulls Olivia aside to talk to her for a second after dinner.

"Olivia can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure what's up?"

"Can you talk to daddy for me?"

"About what?"

"Well I want him to be rational and..."

"It's about a boy?" Olivia guesses.

"Yeah, and not just any boy, you see we're kind of well..."

"You're what?"

"He wants to marry me,"

"And you want him to meet you dad so he can ask if it's ok?"

"Not exactly. I mean I'm sure that he will, but we're already engaged,"

"Oh,"

"I just want daddy to like him. I mean what am I going to do if he doesn't? We're getting married on the first,"

"Of the new year?"

"No, of November,"

"Oh. Maureen I don't know what I can do. The best thing would probably be to just bring him by,"

"Yeah ok good. I was hoping you'd say that because Matt be here in ten minutes,"

"Well then you should talk to you dad,"

"But..."

"I don't think I can help,"

"Fine," Maureen sighs as she goes into the living room.

"Dad can I talk to you?" she asks maturely.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well there's this guy and..."

"And what?"

"And he's really great and I want you to meet him,"

"Why? Are you going to marry him or something? I never get to meet your boyfriends,"

"Well actually..." she starts.

"Actually what?" he asks quickly.

"He does. And don't get mad but he already asked,"

"So you want my approval?"

"Yeah. But I love him and I want you to be nice, and I don't want you to interrogate him because no matter what, I'm going to marry him,"

"When?"

"November first,"

"Oh," he says numbly.

"Dad I promise that you'll like him. He's a good guy. His name is Matthew Scott,"

"What does he do? Does he have a job?"

"Yes he has a job. He works at an accounting firm,"

"Oh,"

"You'll love him. He's sweet, and nice, and he loves me and he's really good to me,"

"When do you want me to meet him?"

Before she can answer the doorbell rings.

Ava jumps up and answers it.

"Hi," she says to the tall dark stranger.

"You must be... Ava?"

"Yeah you are?"

"I'm Matt. I'm Maureen's,"

"Fiancé. Nice to meet you," she tells him as she shakes his hand. "You can come on in."

She leads him into the living room.

"Dad this is Matt," Maureen introduces him.

"Hi Mr. Stabler nice to meet you,"

"That's a nice suit," he replies.

"Thanks, I actually hate suits, but I just got off work so I didn't have time to change,"

"Well take a seat, make yourself comfortable,"

"Ok,"

Everyone pours into the living room, as if on cue.

"Matt this is my step-mom Olivia, my sister Lizzie, my brother Dickie, and my niece Sophia,"

"Nice to meet you all," he says with a big white, toothy smile.

"And Kathleen is on a date," Ava adds.

"Oh,"

"Kids will you go to your rooms so that your dad and I can talk to Matt?"

Lizzie, and Dickie leave.

"Ava you too," Olivia instructs.

She rolls her eyes, takes the baby, and stomps up the stairs.

They talk for quite a while. Elliot interrogates the poor boy. Then Maureen discusses her plan to raise Kathy's baby.

The following day Maureen goes to talk to her mom. She walks into the house through an unlocked door, and finds her mother asleep on the couch. She sits down and gently shakes her.

"Wake up," she says not so quietly.

"What do you want?" Kathy roars.

"Can I talk to you?"

"About what?"

"The baby?"

"No,"

"Do you know who the baby's father is?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Can you just think?"

"Yes I know who it is,"

"Who?"

"Some guy named Kris,"

"Ok. Olivia told me an interesting story,"

"Oh really. It is pretty interesting since I made it all up,"

"Oh. So have you thought about what you're going to do when you have the baby?"

"Leave it at a fire house, or something I don't know. I don't want the little..."

"I'll take him,"

"Why? Why would you want him?"

"It doesn't matter. Look I'm going to have a lawyer draw up some papers if I pick you up tomorrow to go sign them will you go?"

"Sure. I'd be glad to get rid of this little brat,"

"Ok mom. I'm going to be here at one to pick you up take a shower, and put on something presentable. And don't do anything between now and them please,"

"Fine whatever," she agrees.

Maureen leaves and goes home. Kathy complies. She goes with Maureen and Matt.

"Miss O'Brien do you understand what this document means?"

"Yeah,"

"Well I'd just like to make sure. It means that the custody of this child will be surrendered to Miss Stabler, and Mr. Scott at the time of it's birth. They will then begin the process of adopting the child. After they take custody of the child you are to have no contact with him or her unless allowed by Miss Stabler, and Mr. Scott. Do you understand,"

"Yes," she replies as she picks up the pen to sign.

Meanwhile:

Elizabeth is sitting in the kitchen when Olivia, and Elliot bound down the stairs.

"Where are you guys going?"

"We have to go to work," Elliot tells her.

"Oh," is all she says.

"Make sure that Kathleen, or Ava know we're gone,"

"Kathleen is out with her boyfriend remember?"

"Oh well then tell Ava," Elliot rephrases.

"K," she says as she watches them bundle up, and grab their badges, and guns.

She finishes her lunch and goes up the stairs to Ava's room. She gently knocks on the door.

"What?" she quizzes.

"Ava, it's me Lizzie,"

"You can come in,"

Lizzie comes in and sits down on the bed.

"What do you need,"

"They left,"

"Who?"

"Dad and Olivia. They had to go to work,"

"Oh,"

"You don't sound surprised,"

"I'm not their work is very important to them,"

"I know,"

"It's something you learn to live with,"

"Can you do me a favor?" she asks.

"What's that?"

"Can you braid my hair? It's driving me crazy,"

"Sure," Ava agrees.

She brushes her younger sister's hair out, and meticulously braids it and puts a pony tail at the bottom.

"There you go," Ava says when she finishes.

"Thanks," she smiles as she scurries out of the room.

Ava finishes reading her magazine and begins typing her history report. Before she's done she ends up with Sophia on her lap helping her. Every so often Sophia slaps the key board with both hands. When Ava finally finishes her paper she edits it and prints it. She then goes down stairs to check on Dickie and Elizabeth.

She finds them vegged out in front of the TV.

"How long have you guys been watching TV?" she asks.

"We aren't watching T.V. we're playing video games," Dickie responds.

She turns off the T.V.

"Hey!" he exclaims.

"Go do something else. Like homework, or read a book, or something," she tells them.

"I'm hungry," Elizabeth tells her.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Macaroni and cheese," she tells Ava.

"Ok,"

Ava cooks them dinner and cleans up after them. She does the dishes, and then feeds the baby. Then she changes the baby and rocks her to sleep. She puts Sophia in her basinet and goes upstairs to Elizabeth's room to tell her to take a shower.

Ava makes sure both of her siblings are bathed. She tells Elizabeth to keep an eye on Sophia while she takes a shower. When she gets out of the shower she hears a noise downstairs. She goes down the stairs and sees that Elizabeth is passed out on the couch. She walks over to Sophia and sees that she's snoring,fast asleep. She walks into the kitchen to get a drink and finds Kathleen laying on the floor.

"What are you doing on the floor?" she asks.

When Kathleen opens her mouth to talk Ava can smell the alcohol and can tell that she's drunk. Ava helps her get up and then helps her to her room. Once she makes sure that she's in bed she grabs a trash can and puts it by the bed. She then goes back to the living room. She picks the thirteen year old after a few failed attempts. She puts her over her shoulder and carries her to her room and tucks her in. She then goes back down the stairs and gets Sophia. She changes her diaper and makes sure all the doors are locked and the windows are closed. She goes up the stairs to her room, and puts Sophia in her crib. She then remembers that she didn't check on Dickie. She finds him reading a magazine in his room.

"You need to go to bed soon," she warns.

"But..."

"Lights out, in bed, going to sleep in an hour. At ten o'clock," she clarifies.

"Ok," he agrees.

She trudges back up the stairs to the kitchen. She packs four lunches and puts them in the fridge. She then crawls up the rest of the stairs to her room. She lays in her bed planning on reading a book after writing in her diary. But she's ready to fall asleep before she even starts her book. She covers Sophia back up, and then turns off the lights. She crawls into bed and throws the covers over her head.  
Just another day in the life of Miss Ava Benson.


	36. Heart to Heart

Olivia and Elliot don't get off work until three that morning. They get home around four and crash without even checking on the kids. All the kids have gone to school by the time that they wake up. The nanny is there when Olivia wakes up. She wakes up a few minutes after ten. She showers dresses and goes downstairs to the kitchen. She finds Sarah warming a bottle for Sophia.

"Sorry did I wake you?" Sarah asks her.

"No Sarah you're fine," she answers.

Olivia grabs a bite to eat and leaves Sarah with the baby after she finishes. She decides to get caught up on laundry. She starts collecting clothes in the basement. Dickie's room is the worst of course. She drops the laundry off, and then goes to Elizabeth's room. Her room isn't bad. She throws the dirty laundry into the basket and then heads for Ava's room. She quickly gathers all of Ava's laundry, even though there isn't much, a pair of pajamas, and a pair of jeans from the day before. She looks over and sees that all of Sophia's clothes are neatly folded in a pile. Then she spots a stray sock sticking out from under her bed. She reaches down to pick it up. She lifts up the bedskirt to see if there are any more socks hiding under the bed. There aren't but there is an open notebook. Olivia knows she shouldn't read it, but she can't help it. She grabs the spiral bound notebook, and begins reading.

_I'm losing my mind. Mom left and left me in charge. I had to take care of not only Sophia, but everyone else. I had to feed them, and make sure they got baths, and their homework was done. Then Kathleen finally came home. But that didn't help the evening any since she was drunk, and that it was after curfew. You'd think that she'd learn. Oh well guess I can't take care of everyone. It makes me so mad sometimes the way they act. They're supposed to be our parents, but they don't do a very good job sometimes. I mean their work is more important to them. It's like we're an inconvenience, or an after thought. They basically live at work. They're there and when they come home they sleep, and we never see them. Or we're asleep. And even when they are around it's like they're not because they're so exhausted, or can't get a case off their mind. Or they get called into work, it's crap. Sometimes I almost think I could do better on my own. At least then I'd only have myself and Sophia to take care of. And who knows what it's going to be like when the twins come. I'll probably have to take care of them too. I mean I did six loads of laundry after dinner just to make sure that everyone would have clean clothes. Then I had to do dishes, and make lunches. I've always got to be the adult, which isn't exactly fair. Do they even realize how much I need them? I'm sixteen with a baby for heaven's sake. I need as much support as I can get, but instead I've got to do everything on my own. It's not like I'm not used to it though, I mean I've only been an adult my entire life. I'm so sick of it too. I mean I've finally got two parents but neither of them seem to give one iota about me, or any of the rest of this brood. I just need a break–no I need a life._

By the time Olivia is finished reading she's in tears. She wipes away her tears on the sleeve of her shirt as she leaves Ava's room. She goes into the laundry room, and loads the washer, as well as the dryer.

She hears Elliot come in behind her as she shuts the dryer drawer. She leans against the dryer. He walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her.

"Liv are you crying?" he asks.

She turns around and buries her head in his chest.

"Babe what's wrong?"

"I'm failing," she mumbles while still pressed up against him.

"Liv look at me," he demands as he backs up a step or two.

She looks up at him with tears streaming down her face.

"I'm failing," she repeats.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm failing her. She hates me,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Ava. She hates me. She hates our jobs, she hates living here she hates everything. I'm failing her as a parent. I'm never there for her. She needs me and..."

"Liv we've been through this before,"

"I know but we never came up with a solution. And by the time we do we'll have two brand new babies to take care of, then all of a sudden she'll be eighteen, and she'll be out of the house,"

"She's not going to leave the second she turns eighteen,"

"How do you know? Ava could leave now if she felt like it. I mean she's got enough resources to be independent,"

"I'm sure that she does but Liv she's not going anywhere. She still needs us,"

"Yeah but we're never there. We work all of the time. We never see any of the kids. Ava takes care of them. She feeds them, gets them ready for bed, and makes their lunches she shouldn't have to do that. She isn't their parent, we're their parents, as well as hers. And she does need to be responsible, but not for everybody,"

"I know that Liv. But what do you think we should do?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do, and that's what scares me. I don't have the answers. I'm just so afraid to lose her,"

"Liv calm down,"

"How?"

"Take a deep breath. Look Liv I know that you're afraid of losing her, but you have to give her space to grow up,"

"Elliot she's been grown up her entire life. She just wants her mother, and I'm not a very good one,"

"We don't have to go to work today,"

"So?"

"So go pick her up from school,"

"In the middle of the day?"

"Sure why not? Just go get her and spend the day with her," he instructs.

"That sounds like a good idea,"

"I know, now go do it,"

"Oh and you need to ground your daughter,"

"Which one?"

"Kathleen,"

"Why?"

"She came home past curfew last night,"

"At..."

"And she was drunk,"

"How do you know?"

"I kind of read Ava's diary,"

"Liv,"

"Sorry,"

"I'll talk to her,"

"Ok,"

"Now get out of here," he insists.

Olivia gets her purse and her coat, and heads out. Not very much later she's standing in the office of Ava's school waiting for her. Ava finally comes into the office.

"What's going on? Why did they call me to the office?" Ava asks the secretary, not even noticing her mother sitting in the corner.

"Your mother's here to pick you up," the secretary replies.

"Where?" Ava asks.

The secretary points to where Olivia is standing.

"Oh,"

Ava signs herself out, and then follows her mother out of the school. She doesn't say anything until they get into the car.

"Is something wrong?" she questions.

"No,"

"No one's hurt or anything?"

"No,"

"Do I have an appointment?"

"Nope,"

"Then why did you come get me from school?"

"I just wanted to spend time with you," she admits.

"Oh,"

"Have you eaten lunch yet?"

"No,"

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah,"

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah,"

"Ok,"

"So you seriously pulled me out of school for no reason?"

"I pulled you out of school because I wanted to spend time with you,"

"Ok,"

"So did you have fun last night?"

"Sure,"

"Really? It didn't bother you to take care of everyone,"

"No," she lies.

"Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of the twins?"

"I don't know," she looks away.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing,"

"You can tell me,"

"It would just be easier if I had help,"

"Wasn't Kathleen home at ten?"

"No,"

"She wasn't?"

"No. She was a little bit late, and then... well never mind I don't want to get anyone into trouble,"

"Then what?"

"She was drunk,"

"Oh,"

"I don't know what she's thinking. I thought she would have learned that it was stupid by now,"

"You'd think. So were Liz, and Dickie well behaved?"

"Yeah. I never have problems with them,"

"Ava?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you happy?"

"Sure why?"

"I don't know you just aren't as happy as you used to be,"

"Mom I'm not a kid anymore things aren't as simple as they used to be,"

"I know. I'm sorry. Ava I hate being away from you but..."

Ava cuts her off, "But what mom? But your work is more important. You have to rid the world of evil, and do it all day everyday? It gets a little bit old. I mean when I moved here I thought that it would be great and I'd get to spend more time with you, but I really haven't. By the time you get home I'm asleep. It isn't fun. I mean it's a lot to deal with..."

"What? The insta-family?"

"Yeah. I mean I love them, but sometimes I wish I could just have you guys to myself. Just once in a while. But it never works that way,"

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Quit,"

"I can't quit. Then we wouldn't have any money,"

"Never mind. I should know by now that you can't change a zebra's spots,"

"Ava I can't quit,"

"I know. Work comes first, at the expense of everything else. Your health, your happiness, and your family. Work is you life. You're married to the job. I've accepted that there's nothing I can do about it,"

"Ava why do you think that?"

"Because I've never been important enough, or good enough. I don't even know what it is either. I mean I'm not as important as your victims. I mean your time goes to them. I never get the time of day. I'm your daughter but you don't care about me. I mean your heart breaks for every neglected child but you're neglecting yours the most. You left me, and you just keep doing it. I used to cry for hours every time you left because I didn't know when I'd see you again, and I still don't. When you walk out the door I don't know if you're coming home or if I'm going to have to visit you at the funeral home. I don't know and it's unfair. Now I finally have a father, but I really still don't. He's never around either. Maybe I'm jaded, or whatever but you're the one that made me that way,"

"I love you. If you want me to quit my job I'll go to the precinct right now and turn in my badge,"

"I don't want to be blamed for taking away something you love. I won't be held responsible for that," Ava tells her as Olivia turns into a spot on the street.


	37. School skipper

Before Olivia has the chance to respond her phone starts ringing.

"Hello?" she says in a snippy voice.

"Benson I need you at the scene," a familiar voice answers.

"It's my day off," she replies.

"I know, I really need you though,"

"Look I'd love to but I can't," she says as she looks over at her daughter.

"Olivia I need you to come to the scene,"

"Call Elliot,"

"I already did he's on his way, but I need you too,"

"Look I really can't," she repeats.

She hears the car door shut. She looks up and sees Ava walking away from the car. She watches her walk to the end of the sidewalk, hail a cab, and disappear.

"Olivia this isn't really an option,"

"Fine," she agrees having ruined her day with her daughter.

Ava refuses to say much to either Elliot or Olivia. The silence is close to unbearable. Before they know it October has ended and November has begun.

November 1st: Maureen gets married at a small church. Everyone is there but Kathy. She's too busy trying to have the perfect wedding day that she dismisses the fact that her mother didn't show up. Elliot is uneasy about his daughter getting married but maintains his cool throughout the day. Everything goes as planned. But Olivia can tell that something is bothering Maureen, but she doesn't tell her what.

Two weeks later: It's noon, on a bitterly cold mid-November day. Olivia gets a call from Maureen after getting home from thirty hours straight at the precinct.

"Hello?" she answers as she steps in the door after getting the mail.

"Hey Olivia this is Maureen,"

"Hi sweetie. What's going on? Do you need something?"

"I was wondering if I could ask you a favor,"

"Sure what?"

"Could you go check on my mom? I haven't heard from her in a while,"

"How long?"

"A couple weeks,"

"Sure I'll go check on her,"

"Thanks," Maureen hangs up.

Instead of going to bed Olivia resolves to get all of her running done before her head hits the pillow. She drives across town to find Kathy. She looks at her house to start off. As usual the door is unlocked. She walks in and walks through the living room. The coffee table is piled high with mail. Kathy isn't in the kitchen or the living room either one. Olivia knocks on the bathroom door which is closed. There's no answer. She opens the door, and finds no one. She leaves the bathroom and migrates to the bedroom. She opens the door, and steps in. She finds Kathy on the bed.

"Kathy?" she says softly.

There's no answer. She walks closer and says, "Kathy," a little bit louder this time.

There's still no answer. She gently shakes Kathy but gets no response. She checks her pulse. It's a lot weaker than it should be. Olivia calls an ambulance, and then calls Maureen.

"Hello?" Maureen answers.

"Maureen it's Olivia,"

"Hi. Did you find her?"

"Yeah. I called an ambulance because she's unconscious. They just pulled up. I've got to go, but they're taking her to ST. Catherine's," Olivia tells her.

"Ok," she hangs up.

After watching the ambulance pull away Olivia returns home. She falls asleep as soon as she reaches her bed. Not an hour later her sleep abruptly ends. The phone by her bed begins ringing furiously at her. She groans, and then rolls over to answer it.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Is this Miss Benson?" a female voice on the other end asks.

"Yes,"

"Miss Benson this is Mr. Grant, Ava's principal,"

"Oh. Is something wrong?"

"Ava didn't show up at school today,"

"What? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Were you aware that she wasn't at school?"

"No. I'll take care of it, thank you for calling,"

"Uh huh. Bye bye," he hangs up.

Olivia gets out of bed and goes upstairs to Ava's room. Nobody is there. She goes and checks every other room in the house. She only finds the nanny and Sophia. She returns to her room, and walks over to Elliot.

"Elliot wake up," she demands.

"Huh?"

"Wake up!"

"Uh, go away. Liv I'm tired,"

"Wake up damn it! Elliot she didn't go to school,"

"What?" he groans as he opens his eyes to look at her.

"Ava didn't go to school today. I don't know if she's ok. We've got to go find her,"

"Olivia we just got home less than three hours ago,"

"I know that, but I can't sleep knowing that my daughter is out there roaming the city of New York by herself,"

"Liv she'll be fine,"

"How do you know?"

"Don't worry. She'll be home,"

"Elliot get out of bed now and help me find her," she demands.

"Why don't you wait and see if she comes home with the other kids,"

"Elliot Ava wouldn't do that. She's responsible. If she skipped school there has to be a reason,"

"I'm sure that there is but it doesn't mean that I can't be worried. If it were one of your other kids you'd be more concerned. You don't even acknowledge her half of the time. She's a second class citizen compared to your precious angels with Kathy,"

"Liv that isn't true. I love Ava just as much as the other kids. But I'm not worried about her. Liv out of all of the kids she's the one I worry about the least. I know that she makes safe decisions. I know that every night when I get home she'll be in bed asleep. She follows the rules. And she can take care of herself Liv she's your daughter. If she doesn't come home in a few minutes then I'll worry, but I'm not right now,"

"She's going to be grounded for the rest of her life,"

"Liv she doesn't go anywhere to begin with. She stays at home with Sophia every night, every weekend, every spare second that she has she spends with her baby. You can't ground her,"

"What do you suggest I do?"

"Let me handle it,"

"Fine whatever," Liv huffs.

They hear the front door slam, followed by a sea of voices. "See Liv I bet she's home right now,"

"I hope so," Liv says as she scurries out of her room and down the stairs.

She finds the kids bags and books all over the place. She sees a swarm of teenagers in the kitchen. She does a quick head count. One, two, three, four. They're all there which means Ava must be home. Ava comes out from the fridge and sees her mother scowling at her. She puts down her bottle of water on the counter and walks over to Olivia.

"What?" Ava asks.

"Why weren't you at school today?"

"I had to do something,"

"What?"

Before she can answer Sarah comes over and hands Sophia to Ava.

"Hi gorgeous," Ava says as she balances the baby on her hip.

"Ava look at me. Where were you today? Why didn't you go to school?"

"I had to help someone,"

"Who?"

"You don't know her, it's just a friend,"

"What's her name?"

"Jennifer,"

"What did she need help with?"

"She thought that she might be pregnant so I went with her to a free clinic,"

"Oh,"

"Please don't be mad. I know you would have done the same. I mean she was so scared I just wanted to help her,"

"But Ava you can't just skip school,"

"I didn't miss anything. We had a pep rally today, which cuts classes in half, so we don't do anything,"

"Ava I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with you. I'm at a loss,"

"Just leave me alone," she suggests as she takes Sophia up the stairs. Olivia goes up the stairs behind her at a great distance. Ava disappears into her room as Olivia reaches hers. She dives into bed and buries her face in her pillow.

"So did she come home?" Elliot asks.

"Yeah,"

"Did she have a reason for skipping school?"

"Yeah,"

"But?"

"But I'm at a loss with her. I can't punish her. I can't take away any of her privileges because she doesn't have any. What am I supposed to do, or say to her. She doesn't want to talk to me, or tell me anything that's going on,"

"Go to sleep I'll go talk to her," he tells her as he gets out of bed.

"Ok," she sighs.

He leaves the room and goes up the stairs to Ava's room. He knocks on the door.

"Go away mom," she calls out.

"Ava it's me," Elliot tells her.

"What do you want?" She asks as she comes to the door and opens it.

"Can I come in?"

"Why?"

"I want to talk to you,"

"About what?"

"Just sit down," he tells her as he enters the room. She sits down on her bed and he sits down in the desk chair.

"What?"

"What's going on with you?"

"Nothing?"

"What's bothering you Ava?"

"Nothing!" she insists.

"Ava you can tell me,"

"It's just that I go to school, and I come home, I do what I'm supposed to, I take care of Sophia, and at the end of the day I don't get to do anything. I mean I act like an adult, but no one can treat me like one,"

"What do you mean?"

"It's Ava can you help with the kids, and cook, and clean, and do laundry, and take care of you own kid? It's never here Ava let me help you out. I've always got something to do I just want a break. I mean I love Sophia but I just need a break sometimes. Then mom..."

"Mom what?"

"She doesn't understand that at all. She doesn't understand that I'm old enough to make my own decisions. She can't just let me grow up,"

"But?"

"But it wouldn't matter anyway because you guys are never home. It's sad because eighty-five percent of the time I'm the head of the household I'm the adult,"

"Kathleen helps doesn't she?"

"Yeah," she says sarcastically.

"What do you mean?"

"When she's home, most of the time she isn't though. She's constantly on a date, or whatever. But then sometimes when she is home she's hung over or drunk. Then everyone wonders why I'm at my wits end. I have to take care of everyone and I never get a break. Everyone wonders why I'm so screwed up, and irritable. I've just got so much going on between home and school that it's ridiculous. I just can't do it,"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know,"

"Your mom is exhausted so you have to be understanding sometimes,"

"I am, but she's not. Sometimes I'd like to spend time with her but it never happens because she can't just take me to the movies or something without asking why I hate her. I don't I mean we've got issues, but she can't ever just enjoy something without all this dialogue. I don't want to talk about it,"

"I know. Why don't you finish your homework, and I'll be right back ok?"


	38. Dads and Babies

He comes back about ten minutes later with his jacket on.

"Come on," he tells her.

"Where are we going?"

"To the movies,"

"It's a school night,"

"It's early,"

"What about the baby?"

"Lizzie said that she'll watch her,"

"Did Kathleen already leave?"

"No Kathleen is in her room where she'll be staying for the duration of year, if not longer,"

"Oh,"

"Come on get your stuff,"

She nearly smiles as she takes her jacket off her bed. She takes the baby to Lizzie who's in the living room. Ava then follows Elliot to the car. They don't say much to one another during the ride to the movie theater.

"Are you happy?" he asks out of the blue as he parks.

"What?"

"Are you happy?"

"I'm a teenager," is her answer.

"That isn't an answer. Are you happy?"

"No. I'm not happy. I wish I were I try so hard to be..."

"Ava no one expects you to be happy all the time. I understand how rough things have been for you. Believe me I do, but sometimes you've just got to learn to be happy. Ava you're young but if you keep up at the rate you're going by the time you're twenty you'll be so bitter that no one will want to be around you,"

"That's comforting,"

"Ava you've just got to forgive and forget,"

"How? My entire life has been based on lies,"

"So succeed in spite of it,"

"How?"

"Just keep on going,"

"I've been going on autopilot for such a long time I don't even know what normal is anymore,"

"Why don't you go out this weekend and have some time for yourself?"

"I've got to take care of Sophia,"

"Ava I'll take care of it,"

"Ok," she agrees as he ushers into the theater.

After getting home from the movies that night Elliot goes to have a long talk with Kathleen as Ava rushes upstairs to do homework. The house is still humming with teenagers. Olivia hears silence from Ava's room. She quietly goes up the stairs and peers in the room. She stands there quietly, not saying anything at all as she gazes at her daughter. Ava is dead asleep with Sophia snuggled up to her sleeping as well. Olivia quietly moves through the room, and kisses her daughter good night. She turns to leave, on her way out she turns off the light and shuts the door.

She knew that she had a decision to make. She could either bust her ass at her job, and hope things between her tender, loving daughter and herself would get better. Or on the other hand she could turn her sole focus on no longer disappointing her daughter.

The next several days were cold, not only whether wise, but the mood in the house was as well. Ava was mad at everyone, Kathleen was mad at Ava and Elliot, Dickie was at Elizabeth. Tempers were at a boiling point on Thanksgiving.

Olivia wakes up early to start making dinner. She tries to be quiet, but before she knows it Ava has joined her in the kitchen with a sleepy baby attached to her hip. She sits down with the baby at the island. Olivia doesn't say a word. She pours Ava a cup of coffee and then proceeds to hand it to her. She then bends down to Sophia's level and gives her a kiss on the cheek. She reaches for the baby. Ava reluctantly hands her over. Things are quiet for a while. But around nine things begin to wind up after nearly everyone gets up. They all head for the shower, followed by fighting over the video game. Ava puts headphones on and tunes then all out. She takes Sophia up to her room, and tries to put the little blue eyed beauty down for a nap. Luckily she falls right back to sleep. By noon everyone is bathed and dressed. The table is set and Matt, and Maureen have just arrived. They're mid-way through a moderately noisy dinner when Maureen's phone starts ringing. She swallows a mouthful of food, and then flips open her phone. She recognizes the number on the caller I.D. and answers it. After a conversation that is barely a minute long she hangs up and looks at Matt.

"We've got to go," she announces.

"Why?" he asks her.

"We need to go to the hospital,"

"Why? What's wrong?" He asks her.

"The baby,"

"What about the baby Maureen?"

"Mom went into labor,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure, come on we've got to go,"

"Do you want me to go with you?" Elliot asks.

"No dad it's ok,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, actually I was wondering if Ava would come with us?"

"Yeah sure, let me get Sophia,"

"Don't worry about it Ava we'll keep her, just go," Olivia tells her.

She nods graciously, and quickly throws on her shoes, and coat, and grabs her purse. When they get there the nurse tells them to wait in the waiting room.

"Why don't I go get some coffee it's going to be a long night," Matt decides.

"Yeah ok," Maureen agrees.

He walks away, and Maureen turns to Ava.

"I'm not ready,"

"Maureen it'll be fine,"

"We aren't ready for him. We don't even have the crib together. We don't have a carseat, or anything that we need,"

"Don't worry about it. You've got plenty of time,"

"He's being born today,"

"When is he due?"

"Not until February second, so ten weeks,"

"He'll probably be in the hospital for quite a while. He might be in the hospital until his due date,"

"Why?"

"Because he can't leave the hospital until he's breathing on his own, he's got a steady, strong heart beat, and until he weighs five pounds. You've got a long road ahead of you,"

"How big will he be?"

"Maybe three pounds, he's going to be tiny, and he probably won't be able to breath on his own,"

"What did I get us into? I rushed him into marriage, and now we're going to have a baby to take care of. I thought that I was ready for this, but I'm just not sure,"

"You'll be fine. You've just got to have faith,"

"How? How can I have faith, everything is falling apart,"

"You've just got to believe that there's an entity greater than you that will take care of you. Because the second that you stop believing that everything is going to crumble,"

"Do you believe in God?"

"Yeah. I used to question that, but after Sophia was born I didn't anymore,"

"How can you be so composed at your age?"

"Because the second I'm not is the second that I admit defeat. My whole life has been a roller coaster, I've finally started to learn to deal with it. I've felt like giving up a lot of times, but I know that the second I do I've been defeated, by my own stupid, irrational fears. Sometimes you've just got to suck it up, move on, and man up,"

"Man up?"

"Yeah,"

"How do you do that? When everything you were so sure of changes in an instant?"

"You find a rock,"

"Excuse me?"

"Find someone that will help you somehow, and keep you anchored to the fact that the only thing you can do is live,"

"I swear you're a fifty year old stuck in the body of a sixteen year old,"

"Yeah well most sixteen year olds don't have scars from c-sections,"

"I guess not. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure what?"

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"How did you keep it together knowing that you were, at the age of sixteen, going to have a baby?"

"I just kept thinking about seeing her. That was my goal for the day. I just wanted to see her face and see that she was ok,"

"Weren't you scared?"

"I was scared out of my mind,"

"What was the worst part?"

"The first three seconds after she was born. I could tell that they had pulled her out, but it was quiet. I was so scared that she wasn't going to cry. It was the longest three seconds of my life; to be honest it felt like an enternity. Then finally I heard her cry and I knew that she was ok. They finally brought her over to me and I saw her and she was this perfectly tiny angel. I didn't even realize how bad I was shaking,"

"Shaking?"

"Yeah from the shock,"

"What if he isn't alright? What if he doesn't breath, or what if he does and..."

"Faith,"

"But what if there is something wrong with him? What if he's got brain damage or something from..."

"Maureen, just have faith,"

"I can try,"

Matt comes back with three cups of coffee, and hands one to each of the girls as he sits down in between them.

"Any word?" he asks.

"Not yet," Maureen answers.

He just sighs. He takes Maureen's hand. They don't hear anything for nearly an hour. The doctor comes out to talk to them.

"Are you Mr. And Mrs. Scott?" The greying doctor asks.

"Yes,"

"We're getting ready to take her to the o.r. to do a c-section,"

"Why what's wrong?" Maureen asks in an alarmed tone.

"The baby's heart rate is getting dangerously low, so we want to deliver as soon as possible,"

"Ok, well can we be there?" Maureen asks.

"No we want to get the baby out as soon as possible, and it would be easier if you aren't there. But we'll let you know as soon as possible," he tells her.

"Ok," she agrees reluctantly.

It's another hour and a half before they hear anything more. Finally the doctor comes out. The door from the hallway swings open and the doctor greets the young couple, and Ava.

"Well?" Maureen asks as she bites her nails.

"They'll be wheeling him out in a second so if you follow me you can see him," he tells them.

The couple follows them. After a few steps Maureen turns back to her sister.

"You're coming aren't you?" she questions with a hint of desperation in her voice.

Ava nods and follows behind them. They go through the heavy door into the hallway. The walk about a fifty yards before going through another set of doors. After another twenty yards the doctor stops. As if it were planned the nurse comes out. She's pushing an incubator, it has a blanket draped over one side.

"Are these the parents?" she asks.

The doctor nods. She lifts the blanket, and reveals the frail baby to them. He has a breathing tube, and he's tinier than any of them had imagined. He looks nearly lifeless. They have his eyes covered, and his skin is a shade of yellowish grey.

"Go ahead and take him to the NICU," the doctor instructs the nurse. She recovers the incubator, and starts down the hall. The doctor motions for them to follow. They follow him into another waiting room.

"Go ahead and take a seat," he instructs. The three young adults sit down. They stare at the doctor with looks of terror.

"The good news is that he's got a very strong heart beat. The bad news is that he's going to have to be on a breathing tube for a while. He's very small, and fragile, so you can't hold him for at least a couple of days. He has a very weak immune system so when you do get to visit him, or hold him you'll have to put on scrubs and face masks,"

"How much does he weigh?" Maureen quizzes.

"Three pounds and one and a half ounces,"


	39. Hospitals and runaways

"So is he..." Maureen starts.

"We understand that the biological mother has had some substance abuse problems, as well as alcohol abuse problems is this correct?"

"Yeah,"

"We're going to run a tox panel on him, and see what kind of shape he's in. We'll know a lot more after we get the results,"

"So what are the chances that he's going to have developmental delays?" Matt asks.

"At this point, since we don't know what the results of the tox panel are he's at the same risk as any other premature baby,"

"What about physical delays?"

"There aren't any signs right now. He's weak, but he seems to have the amount of movement that we expected he would being so early,"

"How long will it be before we know the results of the test?" Matt questions.

"Around twenty-four hours,"

"And when can will we get to see him?" he continues with his series of questions.

"We want to monitor him tonight to see how he's doing, but tomorrow morning if he continues to remain stable then we'll let you see him for a while,"

"Ok," he sighs solemnly.

"Any other questions?"

"He's going to pull through right?"

"Normally I'd say that there's as much possibility one way as there is another, but he's a pretty tough little guy so I think that he probably will,"

"When will we be able to take him home?"

"It's too soon to give a definitive answer right now, but I'd say at least six weeks,"

"Ok, thank you,"

"You two should really go home and get some rest," the doctor suggests.

"Thank you," Matt repeats.

Maureen squeezes his hand as she sits there.

"Why don't I take Ava home, and you try to get some rest?"

"I'm not going to be able to fall asleep," Maureen tells him.

"I know you don't want to go home, so at least try to get a little rest while I'm gone ok?"

"Ok,"

"Is it ok for me to take her home?" he questions.

"Yeah, I need some time alone anyway," she admits.

"Ok, love you," he kisses her on the forehead after she lets go of his hand.

"Bye," she waves, as they get up to leave.

Ava follows Matt to the car. Half an hour later she's back home.

Meanwhile at the hospital Maureen decides to visit her mother. She talks to the receptionist, and she tells her which room Kathy is in.

She makes her way around the hospital to her mother's room. She finally encounters the room she's looking for. The door is slightly ajar so she lets herself in. She finds her mother partially asleep. She sits down next to her without saying a word.

Kathy opens her eyes and looks at her.

"Hi," she says quietly.

"Hi," Maureen replies coldly.

"Did you see it?"

"Yes I saw him for about a second,"

"Is he ok?"

"I don't know,"

"Oh,"

"What did you do?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Mom he's ten weeks early what did you do?"

"Do about what?"

"We're you drinking again, or doing drugs? You obviously did something to make him come early,"

"I haven't done anything in over a month,"

"What's that supposed to mean? Am I supposed to congratulate you?"

"I'm sorry,"

"So you were drinking?"

Kathy looks away.

"You were weren't you?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes. It matters. You were pregnant. You did drugs and drank,"

"I haven't done any drugs in a month,"

"In a month, about a month ,or over a month?"

"The past three weeks,"

"Oh. Ok that makes it alright I guess. You were just drinking. What were you trying to do to him?"

"I wasn't trying to do anything to him,"

"Whatever,"

"I wasn't,"

"I don't believe you,"

"That's your choice Maureen,"

"It was your choice to drink, and do drugs. Do you not see what it's done? You've lost everything. You've lost your husband, and your kids, and your dignity,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Stop saying that. I don't believe you. If you were sorry you would have quit,"

"I..."

"Whatever. You know I'm beginning to think that you lied to me not Olivia,"

"What are you talking about?"

"You saying you were raped. I mean what else would make you hate that innocent little baby so much that you'd do that to him?"

"I didn't mean to do anything to him,"

"Oh bull. If you didn't mean to do anything to him then why did you do that?"

"I wanted to hurt myself,"

"That's a lame excuse. You've been drinking for years,"

"I know,"

"So why did you drink?"

"Because my marriage was falling apart, and my husband was in love with another woman,"

"Well maybe if you had kept your legs shut he wouldn't have left,"

"Maureen stop it,"

"No. So what was your excuse for doing drugs?"

"The divorce,"

"Good lord are you that pathetic that one little bad thing would drive you that far over the edge?"

"Maureen you don't understand,"

"I understand perfectly,"

"I want you to leave,"

"Fine but we aren't done," Maureen admits as she stomps out of the room.

The following morning when the doctor comes out to speak with Maureen and Matt, Maureen has fallen asleep in Matt's arms. He gently slips out from under her, and gently lays her down on the bench.

"Well?"

"He's still not breathing very well. His lungs are very under developed. He still isn't breathing on his own, but his lung capacity is improving,"

"Ok. What else?"

"The tox screen hasn't come back yet, but we're seeing a few signs of withdraw,"

"How bad?"

"They're very minor. I was actually surprised at how minor they have been. But he's jaundiced,"

"What's that mean?"

"Well his liver isn't functioning properly. We see this a lot in newborns, especially preemies, but his is a little bit worse, I'm guessing due to alcohol use,"

"Ok, so can I see him?"

"Yeah you can see him for a few minutes. When your wife wakes up you guys can come back for a little while,"

"Ok," he agrees.

He follows the doctor into a room where he can change into scrubs. He washes his hands, and puts on a face mask. Neonatal Intensive Care Unit he reads above the door as he approaches. The doctor leads him into the NICU. He sits down in a chair, and stairs at the now yellowish baby.

"Can I touch him?" he asks the doctor.

"You see the gloves attached to the incubator?"

"Yeah,"

"You can put your hands in those if you want to touch him,"

"Ok,"

The doctor walks away. Matt stares at the helpless infant.

"Hi, buddy. What do you think of the world so far? It probably sucks right now. I'm sorry about the circumstances that you brought into this world,"

Matt touches the baby's bare foot. He twitches.

"Sorry, I didn't know that you were ticklish," Matt smiles.

He moves his other hand over to the little boy's hand. He puts his index finger in the palm of the baby's hand. They're pretty much the same size. The baby closes his hand around Matt's gloved finger.

"I see that you've got a pretty firm grip,"

After a few minutes the nurse tells Matt that the baby needs his rest and that he can come back later. Matt drops his scrubs, and face mask into a bio-hazard bin and returns to the waiting room where Maureen is still asleep.

"Ma-ma!" an infant screeches.

"What," her mother answers.

"Ma-ma!" the infant repeats.

Ava sits up in bed she looks toward the end of her bed and into the crib next to it. Ava crawls down to the end of the bed and looks in through the bars of the crib.

"What Soph?"

Sophia who is still laying down looks up at her mother, a huge grin comes across her face. She rolls over and pushes herself up onto her arms. She stares intently at Ava. Ava gets out of bed, and changes the baby. She wipes the infant off with baby wipes, puts lotion on her, and then slips a pink onesie, and matching socks on her. She sits her on the floor with the intent that she'll stay stationary until she herself gets dressed.

"Stay there," Ava instructs as she goes to her closet. She steps into her closet, leaving the door cracked. With every article of clothing she changes she peaks out at the baby who is trying her hardest to pull her sock off. Finally she slips her shirt off. She grabs another one off the hanger and slips it over her head. She steps out and shuts the closet door behind her. When she turns around she looks down.

"Sophia where did you go?"

The baby doesn't respond. Ava gets on the floor and looks around she finally moves over to her bed and lifts up the bed skirt.

"Sophia what are you doing under there?"

"Ma-ma,"

"Hi," Ava rolls her eyes and then pulls the baby out from under the bed. She sits down against the bed with the baby in her lap. Sophia bends at her waste and puts her mouth on Ava's leg.

"Ew baby don't do that. Yucky!" Ava picks her up and then stands up with her. She opens her door, and goes downstairs to the kitchen. She warms up a bottle. After feeding the baby she sits her down on a blanket in the living room floor. She gives her a few toys hoping that she'll stay put.

"Sophia don't go anywhere I'm going to go get something to eat,"

Ava walks away. She pours herself a glass of milk, and then gets out a plate, and a poptart. She puts the poptart in the toaster. When she turns around she looks over toward the living room. Sophia isn't on the blanket, she isn't even in the living room.

"Ma-ma," someone near Ava's foot says. Ava looks down and sees the baby crawling toward her.

"Well look at you. I guess you got tired of being stuck in the living room huh?"

"Ma-ma,"

Ava bends down and picks the baby up. Olivia starts down the stairs just as Ava fastens Sophia in the high chair next to her.

"Why are you putting her in the high chair?"

"Because it's convenient,"

"What do you mean?"

"She keeps running away,"

"How?"

"Every time I turn around this morning she's crawled away,"

"When did she start crawling?"

"I don't know,"

Ava stares off into space.

"What's on your mind?" Olivia asks.


	40. Gut feeling

1Nothing,"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm just tired,"

"Are you sure?"

"Uh huh. Do you have to go to work today?"

"No I'm off,"

"Good,"

"How was everyone when you left the hospital?"

"Fine for now,"

"Ava why don't you finish your breakfast and then go back to bed?"

"I..."

Olivia cuts her off, "I can take care of Sophia, I promise,"

"Ok," Ava agrees.

On Monday Olivia and Elliot go to work. The kids don't go back to school until Tuesday. Kathleen stays with the twins and Sophia while Ava goes to the hospital to see the baby.

Maureen is relieved when she sees Ava walk through the door.

"Hi," Ava says softly as she sits down next to Maureen.

"Hi," Maureen sighs.

"How is he?"

"Strong,"

"Is he doing alright?"

"He's tiny, but he's eating really well even though the jaundice hasn't cleared up yet,"

"Did you guys decide on a name yet?"

"Yeah,"

"What?"

"We decided on William Matthew,"

"That's a nice name,"

"Matt's in there with him right now,"

"Good,"

"Yeah. I have a feeling that they're going to be inseparable,"

"So then Matt is pretty smitten with him?"

"Completely,"

"Did they release your mom?"

"Yeah she went home yesterday,"

"Do you have any of your stuff ready for when you get to take him home?"

"No. Right now were just waiting to see how long it's going to be before we get to take him home,"

"How much weight has he gained?"

"He's up to three pounds eight ounces,"

Before Ava and Maureen can finish their conversation Maureen's phone starts ringing. She answers it, talks for a few seconds and hangs up.

"Who was it?" Ava asks.

"Nobody, don't worry about it,"

That night when Ava arrives home she finds that the house is completely silent. Things are in their place. The people are in their beds and it's quiet. Ava checks on Sophia she finds that instead of being in her crib she's in her basinet by Olivia's bedside. Both Olivia and Sophia are snoring. Ava jumps in the shower and throws on some pajamas. She creeps back into her mother's room, and crawls into bed. Elliot was still at work, but Captain Cragen had sent Olivia home already. Ava lifts the multiple layers of covers and crawls underneath. As she snuggles into the pillow she looks out the window at the frost settling on everything. As she watches snow begins to fall. She rolls over and scoots close to her mother.

"Ava what time is it?" Olivia asks.

"Just after twelve,"

"What time did you get home baby?"

"Around eleven thirty,"

"Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah,"

"Are you ok?"

"Uh huh,"

"Are you sure? You seem like something's weighing on your mind,"

"When isn't something weighing on my mind?"

Olivia rolls over to be face to face with Ava.

"Honey just close your eyes and go to sleep. The worries of the world can wait until tomorrow,"

"But mom,"

"Ava please go to sleep. You've got school in the morning,"

"I know,"

"Everyone is fine I promise,"

"Mom I don't think so,"

"Why would you say that? Of course they are. Everyone is in bed accounted for,"

"I know, but I have an eerie feeling that something isn't right,"

"Why do you think that?"

"It's just a feeling. Mom I know that it sounds weird but for some reason I can feel when things aren't right,"

"I believe you, but just go to sleep please," she begs her.

"Ok," Ava agrees.

Olivia kisses her forehead, and rubs her cheek. Finally Ava falls asleep. Just after four Ava violently awakens from her sleep. She's drenched in sweat and is having trouble breathing. Hearing her nearly hyperventilating Olivia wakes up. Olivia looks at Ava as she sits up in bed.

"Honey what's wrong?"

"I don't know,"

"Are you ok? Ava you're burning up,"

"I'm fine," she reassures her.

Olivia gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom. She brings Ava back a dixie cup full of water. When she returns to the room she finds Ava hunched over the basinet with her head nearly laying on Sophia.

"Baby what are you doing?"

"Just making sure that she's breathing,"

"Ava she's fine. Take a drink and go back to sleep please,

Ava takes a drink.

"I'll be right back," Ava tells her as she heads for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I just want to check on everyone,"

"Ok," Olivia agrees knowing better than to argue.

Ava walks down the hall to Lizzie's room. She peers into the room. She hears Lizzie snoring. Ava sighs in relief and then heads down the stairs. She looks around and sees nothing out of place. She goes down one more flight of stairs to the basement. She looks in on both Kathleen, and Dickie both of them are fine. She climbs the stairs back to her mother's room. She crawls back into bed. By this point Olivia has the lamp on.

"Mom will you..."

Before she can finish Olivia hands her the telephone.

"Thanks," she nods as she rubs her eyes.

She taps her fingers on the side of the phone as she waits for an answer. She hangs up and hands the phone back to her mother.

"Well?"

"No answer,"

"Did it go to voicemail?"

"Huh uh,"

"I'm sure that everyone is fine,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm pretty sure,"

"How sure?"

"Ava Rose go to sleep," she demands as she turns off the light.

Ava finally falls back to sleep. She and the other kids are off to school before Elliot ever gets home. Olivia gets to work a few minutes before seven. She hands Elliot a cup of coffee and sips her tea.

"Did you have a good night?"

"Sure,"

"What happened?"

"Nothing, we'll talk about it later,"

"K," she agrees quietly as she gently, and discreetly nods her head.

Elliot gets off just after four as he gets into his car his phone starts ringing. He reluctantly answers.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Stabler,"

"Sarah?"

"Yeah,"

"Sarah is something wrong? You sound upset,"

"Ava isn't home yet. I don't know where she is. I'm worried. She didn't tell me she was going anywhere, she didn't leave me a note either. I think that something's wrong. She wouldn't do that,"

"I know,"

"Did you try her phone?"

"She didn't answer,"

"I'll try to get hold of her. Sarah just sit tight. Actually is Kathleen home?"

"Yeah,"

"Sarah you can leave Sophia with her,"

"Ok. Will you let me know when you find her?"

"Of course Sarah,"

"Bye," she hangs up.

As he's driving he dials his phone. It rings three or four times before anyone answers.

"Hello?" a frantic voice answers.

"Ava are you ok?"

"Daddy please come get me," she begs.

He can hear that she's crying. By the tone of her voice, and the fact that she had just called him daddy he knew something was terribly wrong.

"Baby where are you?"

"I don't know. Just come get me," she cries.

"Baby what happened?"

"I don't know. Please just come get me," she pleads.

"Do you have any idea where you are?"

"Between home and school. I think I'm a few blocks from home,"

"Ok. What happened? Why didn't you catch the bus?"

"I missed it so I decided to walk,"

"Do you remember the last street you were on?"

"Eighth,"

"Ok I'll be there as soon as I can baby," he promises as he turns on his sirens and heads to find his little girl.

"Please hurry," she cries and then hangs up.

He pulls into a parking lot on eighth in no time. He parks and gets out of the car.

"Ava, Ava, where are you?"

He comes across an older woman on the street, "Are you looking for someone?"

"My daughter,"

"What's she look like?"

"She's sixteen. She's a strawberry blonde with big blue eyes. She's about five seven or so. She has a purple and blue bag,"

"I saw her a little while ago,"

"Where?"

"Up there. She was walking by as I was coming out of the bread store,"

Elliot looks up the street and then nods, "Thank you so much,"

"Was she with someone?" she asks.

"I don't think so why?"

"There was a guy following her like they were together or something,"

"Thank you," he says as he races up the street.

He calls out for her again. As he passes and alley he calls her name. He stops when he hears a beeping.

"Ava?" there's no response.

Based on intuition he walks into the alley. He sees a white and purple phone on the ground. He knows that it's hers. He walks a little further, and then he sees her.


	41. Surviving

When he gets to her he bends down. She's lying on the ground. He checks her pulse. It's there. She's unconscious. He looks around and sees her blood. Without thinking about preserving the crime scene. He picks her up and throws her over his shoulder. When he picks her up he feels something warm against his hand. He looks and realizes that she's bleeding from the back of the head. He races back to his car. He puts her into the backseat. She opens her eyes as he's ripping apart a t-shirt. He turns around and applies pressure to her wound.

"Dad," she says pitifully.

"Baby it's ok. I'm going to get you to the hospital,"

"I just want to go home," she cries.

"You've got to go to the hospital you've got a nasty cut,"

"No I don't want to go to the hospital. It'll ruin everything,"

"Baby you've got to go,"

"No dad,"

"Sweetheart what happened?"

"I don't know,"

"What do you remember?"

"My shoe was untied. I stepped off the sidewalk and bent down to tie my shoe. When I stood back up my phone was beeping. I took it out to look and then I felt something hit me on the head,"

"Ava listen, hold this on your head. I'm going to take you to the hospital,"

"But daddy,"

"Ava you've got to go,"

"I don't want to,"

"Too bad," he tells her as he shuts the door.

Within a few minutes they're in the hospital. He sits in the waiting room while the doctor is with her. Finally the doctor comes back out.

"How is she?"

"I'd like to keep her overnight. She's got a concussion so I want to keep an eye on her. She had to get three stitches above her eyebrow, and around thirty on the back of her head,"

"And?"

"We got her cleaned up, but she's got a lot of bruising and scrapes,"

"Did you do a rape kit?"

"No,"

"Why not damnit?"

"She wouldn't consent,"

"Why not?"

"She said that she just wanted to go home,"

"Do you think that she was raped?"

"I would say that it is very, very likely,"

"And?"

"I asked her about it but she doesn't know. She was out cold for a while. I told her that she should take a morning after pill, and a round of antibiotics to be on the safe side,"

"And?"

"She refused. But I convinced her that since she's got so many cuts that she needs the antibiotic. I couldn't convince her to take the morning after pill,"

"Ok,"

"You can go in and be with her now,"

"Ok thank you,"

Elliot walks to her room. When he gets there he finds her laying in the hospital bed helplessly. He sits down on the bed next to her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like someone took a ton of bricks and dropped them on my head,"

"I've got to call your mom,"

"Don't. She'll just worry,"

"I know but..."

"Is Sophia alright?"

"She's with Kathleen. I talked to Kathleen and told her what was going on. She told me not to worry that everything, and everyone was being taken care of,"

"Ok,"

"Ava?"

"What?"

"Why didn't..."

"Can we just not go there?" she asks.

"You're mother is going to ask you the same question,"

"I'll deal with it later,"

"Ok. Is there anything I can do for you to make you feel better?"

"Just stay here,"

"Ok," he agrees as he kisses her above her non-stitched eye.

"Thank you,"

"For what?"

"Being there,"

"Ava I'm your father of course I'm here for you,"

"I know. I'm just glad you're my dad,"

"Me too. Now why don't you get some rest,"

"K. Love you dad,"

"I love you to Ava," he smiles as he retreats to a chair in the corner of a room.

Around three thirty that morning someone walks into the room. She walks over to Elliot and gently shakes him.

"Huh?" he answers as he opens his eyes to look up.

"What happened?" she asks as he rubs his eyes.

"I don't know,"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"All I know is that someone knocked her out,"

"Was..."

He cuts her off, "I don't know Liv she was unconscious, and she wouldn't consent to a rape kit,"

"Why not?"

"I don't know, she just didn't want to,"

"Well she's got to do it anyway,"

"Olivia you can't make her if she doesn't want to,"

"Why wouldn't she want to I don't understand?"

"I don't know why. Just let her sleep,"

"I want to catch whoever did this to her,"

"I know, but right now she just wants us to be here with her,"

"Is she alright?"

"She's pretty banged up. I mean she's got stitches above her eye, and on the back of her head. When I found her she was a mess,"

"Would you two stop talking about me like I'm one of your cases?" Ava asks as she opens her eyes to look at them.

"Sorry," is all Olivia can say.

"Are you feeling any better? I'm sure that the pain med's have kicked in by now haven't they?" Elliot questions.

"Yeah,"

"Are you ok?" Olivia wonders aloud.

"I've been better, but I'll be perfectly fine as soon as they let me out of here,"

"Of course,"

"I'm thirsty,"

"What do you want baby?" Elliot asks her.

"Some sprite," she says solemnly.

"Ok. I'll go get it for you," he smiles at her.

"Thanks,"

As he leaves the room she longs that he didn't. She didn't want to be in that room alone with her mother who was on the verge of tears.

"Mom don't cry I'm fine,"

"Why didn't you let the doctor do a rape kit?"

"Because I'm tired of being victimized,"

"Ava don't you want this guy to get what's coming to him?"

"Mom I'm sure that everything will work out the way that it's supposed to,"

"Don't you want to know?"

"Know what?"

"Know if you were raped?"

"No. Why would I want to know that? I don't want to know one way or another. I don't want to think about it. I just want to forget about all of this,"

"Ava how can you do that?"

"I have so many other things that I need to think about right now. I need to finish homework, and a term paper. I have to make sure that I take Sophia to go get pictures for Christmas. I have to make sure that her outfit for her pictures gets clean before I take her this weekend. I have to tutor some freshman in Spanish on Friday. Oh yeah and I have to do a load of clothes when I get home because I don't have any clean jeans,"

"Ava why are you worrying about laundry? It'll get done,"

"Not unless I do it. What do you think I spend every Saturday morning doing why you two are at work, and everyone else is asleep? I get up at six thirty to feed Sophia, then she falls back asleep, so I put her in her playpen. Then I do laundry. I put a load in before I go to bed on Friday. I fold that load, and keep loading clothes in. By Sunday afternoon the twelve to fifteen loads of laundry that need to be done are done. The bathrooms and kitchens are clean. The floor is swept, and everyone's room is clean. Who do you think is in charge of making everyone do their chores? That would be me. See I have to many other things to think about. If I sat around and wondered about what happened I wouldn't get anything done,"

"Ava stop worrying about it,"

"How? Do you stop worrying about your victims when someone tells you to,"

"No,"

"Ok then,"

"But Ava you're so young,"

"I'll survive," she reassures her.


	42. Christmas

Ava refuses to do a rape kit, and neither Elliot nor Olivia can convince her otherwise. The Monday of the following week Ava goes back to school as if nothing has happened, even though she still has a head full of stitches. By the end of that week the stitches come out and a set of nice scars starts to form. By this point Olivia still hasn't told the Captain about being pregnant. As for baby William, he begins to gain weight, and his jaundice slowly starts clearing up.

Christmas time comes quickly. Before they know it the 23rd of December has arrived. After school Kathleen, Dickie, and Lizzie go home. Matt picks Ava up from school and takes her to the hospital to see the baby.

She follows Matt down an all to familiar hallway that empties into a waiting room. When they get to the waiting room Maureen happily greets Ava. They leave the waiting room, and push through a set of heavy double doors. They go straight down the hallway toward the N.I.C.U. Maureen ushers them in. They gather around the designated area. Instead of being in an incubator baby William is now in a basinet. He no longer is yellow, and can breath on his own. Both the breathing, and feeding tubes have been removed. His eyes are wide open, and he's got a thin layer of hair hidden underneath his red hat.

"Hi," Ava smiles at the gorgeous boy.

"Doesn't he look so much better now that he's not yellow?" Maureen questions.

"Yeah. He even looks like he's getting plump," Ava comments.

"Yeah,"

"So how much does he weigh now?" Ava wonders.

"Five pounds two ounces," Matt declares proudly.

"Really? When do you guys get to take him home?"

"Tonight,"

"Really?"

"Yup,"

"Wow,"

Ava stares at the alert baby in awe of how much different he looked since she'd seen him last two weeks earlier.

"Do you want to hold him?" Matt asks Ava.

"Of course," she smiles.

She sits down in a chair that is behind her. Maureen lifts the baby out of the basinet, and fixes his blanket. She places his pacifier in his mouth and then gently places him in Ava's awaiting arms.

"Hi handsome," she coos as he sucks on his pacifier very intensely with a look of content on his face.

As Ava studies the baby she has some comments that she chooses to keep to herself. Matt drops Ava off at home on his way to get the carseat which he just happened to forget. The following night Maureen and Matt come over with the baby. They have dinner and open presents. They all drool over the baby. Finally they leave. By the time they leave it's late and both Lizzie and Sophia have passed out. The other three kids take showers and head for bed as soon as possible. Ava puts Sophia in bed, and is out within ten minutes.

The following morning Olivia and Elliot get out of bed by seven expecting the kids to be up and at it already. They wander downstairs which is where the Christmas tree is located. They look around and finally find a couple of faces. Ava is standing next to the tree with Sophia in her arms.

"Ma-ma," Sophia says as she points her chubby little index finger at a shiny ornament on the tree.

"I see Soph,"

"Where's everyone else?" Elliot asks.

"In bed I guess,"

"So why are you out of bed then?"

"Because I've got a five month old in my room. That's like having a built in alarm clock,"

"I bet,"

"Is mom still in bed?"

"No she's in the kitchen making a pot of coffee,"

"Oh,"

"Since you two are up early why don't you each grab a present and open it while we wait?"

"I guess," she sighs.

Olivia comes into the living room and sits down on the couch. Ava grabs a present addressed to Sophia. She sits with the baby on her lap three feet from the tree, and opens the package. Sophia grabs a piece of wrapping paper. Ava grabs it just as it heads for her mouth. Ava opens the box and finds a teddy bear with Sophia's name sewed into the foot.

"Look Sophia,"

Sophia stares at Ava and then looks at the box. Ava follows the baby's line of sight. She sticks the baby in the now empty box.

"Is that better?" she asks.

Sophia just smiles at her.

"I'm guessing that we're not going to get her out of that box for a while," Elliot says.

"Probably not," Ava agrees.

"Go ahead and open one of yours Ava," Olivia suggests.

"I'll wait for everyone else,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah,"

Soon the other three kids come into the living room. By nine o'clock it looks like Christmas has thrown up all over the living room. Kathleen, Dickie, and Lizzie are all now preoccupied with breakfast. Sophia is still in her box. Elliot goes over to Ava who is sitting on the couch watching Sophia with one hand on her head.

"Are you alright?" he asks her.

"I have a really bad headache. I think I'm getting a migraine,"

"Do you feel dizzy?"

"Actually now that you mention it, maybe a little,"

"You want me to get you a Tylenol?"

"No I already took a couple,"

"Why don't you go back to bed for a little while? We can keep the baby down here so you can sleep,"

"I'm really fine,"

"No you're not. You're jaw is clenched so tightly that the veins in your head are about to burst,"

"I'm fine,"

"Go to bed,"

"I'm fine," she insists.

"Now Ava it's a demand not a request," he tells her politely.

"Ok," she sighs as she gets off the couch.

As she climbs the stairs Elliot scoots the box containing a baby into the kitchen.

"Sophia are you hungry?" he asks as he scoops her our of the box and fastens her into her high chair.

"Where did Ava go?" Olivia asks

"She's got a migraine I told her to go back to bed for a little while,"

"Why is it that she just can't catch a break?"

"What do you mean?"

"Every time that she's supposed to get a minute to catch her breath something else comes up,"

"I don't know why that is Liv. I guess that she needs to be as tough as nails,"

"How could she be any tougher?"

"I don't know,"

Around noon Kathleen makes the executive decision that they should all play trivial pursuit. Sophia is a sleep in her playpen, and everyone miraculously agrees to play.

"Hey Lizzie will you go get Ava please?" Olivia asks.

"She's eating I'll go get her," Elliot answers.

"K," she smiles at him seated on the couch with her hand wrapped around the remote.

Elliot walks up the stairs. When he gets to Ava's room he knocks on the door. She doesn't answer so he gets concerned. He opens the door and doesn't see her. Then he sees that her bathroom door is closed. He gently knocks on the bathroom door.

"Ava are you in there?"

"Uh huh," she says weakly.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

"No," she moans.

"Can I come in?" he questions.

"Yeah," she sighs.

"Are you sure?" he asks as he grips the knob.

"Yeah," she repeats.

He twists the knob and finds his next to last daughter sitting on the floor next to the toilet looking pale and empty.

"Ava are you ok?" he asks her.

She shakes her head and looks at him helplessly.

"What's up with you? You haven't been yourself lately,"

"I haven't been sleeping much lately,"

"Isn't the baby sleeping through the night now?"

"Yeah,"

"But?"

"Nothing, never mind,"

"Ava spit it out,"

"No,"

"Ava please,"

"No you'll tell mom, and I can't handle her right now,"

"I promise I won't tell her..."

"Ever?"

"For a little while. I'll give you a day. I have to tell her you know that, but I think a day long period of grace is appropriate,"

"I woke up,"

"When? I don't understand,"

"I woke up,"

"When?"

"A few weeks ago,"

"You're talking about..."

"I woke up when I was in the alley,"

"When?"

"I don't know, and I only woke up for a second,"

"Did you see his face?"

"No. He was standing over top of me and he was undoing his belt, and then I remember him unbuttoning his pants, and then I blacked out again,"

"Ava when did you remember this?"

"The day after,"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't think that it was important,"

"But?"

"It probably was very important,"

"And?"

"I should have told you,"

"Because?"

"Because now I'm sick,"

"What do you mean sick?" he questions.

"Sick,"

"From dinner last night?"

"I don't think so. I might be, but I really don't think so,"

"Oh Ava,"

"Just when I thought I couldn't get into anything else,"

"Get into the shower,"

"What?"

"I can't lie to your mom,"

"What?"

"She wants you to come down and play a game with us. I'll tell her that you're in the shower,"

"Ok. But what about when I get out of the shower?"

"We'll worry about it later,"

"Thanks," she feigns a smiles as he leaves the room.


	43. Accusations, and Revelations

The following night Ava is still sick, and Elliot knows that it's time to tell Olivia. He waits until they go to be to tell her.

"So are you going to tell the captain about being pregnant? I mean I think that he's starting to suspect Liv."

"I know. I'm going to tell him as soon as we go back to work."

"You promise?"

"Yeah."

"Elliot?"

"Huh?"

"What's on your mind?"

"The kids."

"The kids or one of them in particular?"

"One of them."

"Which one?"

"Ava."

"What's the problem now?"

"She was raped Liv."

"I know that. I told you that and you didn't believe me."

"It's not that I didn't believe you, it's that I just didn't want to believe it. She's still so young, and I'm tired of seeing her get hurt."

"Why the sudden change of mind?"

"I think she's pregnant."

"You're not funny."

"Liv I'm serious I think that she's pregnant."

"Elliot how could she be pregnant? She took the morning after pill."

"What are you talking about?"

"She took the morning after pill didn't she?"

"If she refused a rape kit what makes you think that she'd take the morning after pill?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

"I don't know why, but I know that she didn't."

"How did you know that?"

"Because the doctor told me that she refused to take it."

"If you knew that she didn't take it why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought that she would tell you."

"Elliot she's sixteen years old she's angry, and she's angry at me."

"Liv I just thought that you knew."

"Well why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"It's almost like you want her to be miserable."

"Why would I want that? She's my daughter too and I'd give anything to see her happy."

"What makes you think that she's pregnant Elliot?"

"She's sick."

"What are you talking about? She's perfectly fine."

"No she's not. She's only fine in front of you because she doesn't want you to harass her about her making the wrong decision."

"Go sleep on the couch," she tells him.

"Fine. I will," he huffs as he grabs his pillow and a blanket from the end of the bed.

A quarter til four Olivia is in a deep sleep. Something under her starts ringing. She flips on the lamp and looks around. She gets out of bed and listens closely to where the ringing is coming from. She gets on all fours and lifts up the bed skirt. She grabs the ringing cell phone and she flips it open and answers.

"Hello?"

"Olivia?"

"Yeah Captain?"

"I thought that I was calling Elliot,"

"Oh we must have gotten our phones mixed up. Maybe if the department would let us pick our cell phones out this wouldn't happen."

"I know," he tells her.

"What do you need?" she asks already knowing the answer.

"I know that you guys aren't supposed to come back in until after New Years, but I need you guys."

"Ok. I'll call Elliot and tell him."

"Ok, bye," he hangs up.

She grimaces as she leaves the room. She trudges down the stairs and goes over to the couch.

"Wake up," she tells Elliot.

He doesn't even make a sound other than snoring. Olivia already in a bad mood grabs one of the kids pillows that they left on the floor. She lifts it above her head and brings it down as hard as she can over his body. When she does this it makes a sound similar to that made when someone jumps off a diving board and smacks their stomach on the water. He nearly jumps off the couch. He looks at her harshly.

"What was that for?"

"Nothing, we've just go to go to work."

"Liv you're not funny."

"I'm not joking I'm serious."

"What time is it?"

"Almost four."

"Great."

Before he gets off the couch she turns around and heads up the stairs.

"Don't get in the shower," he tells her.

By the time he gets to bedroom the water is already running. He slips off this t-shirt as he walks into the bathroom. He takes off the rest of his clothes and jumps in the shower.

"Oh come on. You've got to be kidding me," Liv growls.

"Sorry I need a shower too."

"Fine," she huffs as she starts shampooing her hair.

She gets out of the shower as quickly as possible. She quickly dries her hair and gets dressed. As he's getting dressed she goes downstairs. When she gets to the kitchen she pulls a pair of permanent markers out of a kitchen drawer. She flips open one phone. The background is of the Christmas tree. This phone is obviously hers. With Ava's hot pink sharpie she writes her name on the back of her phone. She pulls out a neon orange marker that belongs to Dickie. She writes Elliot's name on the same place on his phone. She goes into the laundry room to the fire proof box. There are two sitting on a shelf in the laundry room. One is black and one is grey. The grey one houses birth certificates, passports and so on. She goes over to the black one and types in a code. It unlocks and she opens it. She pulls out a badge, and a gun. She lays them on the washer. She grabs her gun and holster. She clips it on her belt along with her badge. She grabs the clips and shuts the box. She carries them into the kitchen where she meets Elliot. He takes his phone, gun, and badge. They move toward the door in unison. They grab coats, and then shut and lock the door behind them. Elliot gets in the car. Olivia joins him in the passenger's seat.

Eventually the day draws to a close. Elliot goes to warms up the car while Olivia has a discussion with Cragen. As Elliot gets in the elevator Olivia is headed toward Cragen's office. She walks in and shuts the door behind her.

"What do you need?" the captain asks as she takes a seat.

"I need to talk to you."

"Ok about what?"

"I'm going to need some time off around March."

"Yeah ok, I don't think it should be a problem."

"I'm going to need six weeks."

"Why do you need that much time?"

"Because that's how much time I'm supposed to take."

"For what?"

"For maternity leave," she tells him.

He nearly chokes to death, "Excuse me?"

"I'm pregnant," she tells him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. I'd have to be by now."

"What do you mean by now?"

"I'm due in the middle of March."

"Oh. So then you're pretty far along?"

"Uh huh."

"And why didn't you notify me earlier?"

"I didn't think that it was going to interfere with my job."

"Olivia that's really my decision to make."

"I know."

"So who's the father?"

"I don't know,"she lies.

"You don't know?" he raises an eyebrow.

"I decided that I wanted to start a family and that I was tired of waiting for the right person to come along so I decided to do it on my own."

"Oh," he sighs in relief.

"Does Elliot know?"

"Yeah he knows."

"He's a veteran in that department."

"Yeah I'm sure that he'll lend a hand."

"I'm sure that he'll insist on it. So do you know what you're having?"

"A girl."

"That's great."

"I'm having twins."

"What?"

"I'm having twins."

"Oh. Both girls?"

"I don't know. I only know what one baby is going to be."

"Oh. You're going to have your hands full."

"Uh huh."

"When are you due?"

"The twentieth of March."

"Tell Elliot that he can have a week off."

"Why would you give him a week off?"

"Do you think I'm going to be able to get him to focus on a case if he's worry about you being alright?"

"Probably not."

"He's due for some time off anyway."

"Thank you Captain."

"No problem," she smiles at her as she leaves.


	44. Women in crisis

"So how did it go?" he asks her as she gets into the car.

"Fine. He wants you to take a week off."

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't think that you can do your job, because you'll be distracted."

"That's probably true."

"Elliot they're going to be here soon, and we aren't even close to being ready."

"What do you mean?"

"We have to get a ton of stuff, and we still need to pick out names."

"Let the kids name them," he jokes.

"That's not a bad idea actually."

"It's not?"

"No. We could talk to them about what names they like."

"Yeah I suppose."

When they get home they find that the kids have destroyed it. There are dirty dishes all over the kitchen. The laundry room is full of dirty clothes, and the twins are vegged out in front of the T.V. with empty packages of cakes, cookies, and chips. There are soda cans everywhere. Both of the twins are tuned into the t.v. They're playing a racing video.

"Where are your sisters?" Elliot asks. Olivia brushes past them and goes to the bedroom in disgust.

"Ava's in her room I don't think that she feels very good. Kathleen is up there with her and the baby," Lizzie tells him.

"Ok thank you. And clean up your mess."

"K," Dickie drones.

Elliot goes up the stairs he passes his own room and continues up the next flight of stairs. He reaches the top of the stairs and steps into the small landing in front of a tightly shut door. He knocks.

"Dickie go away," Kathleen huffs clearly not in a happy mood.

"It's dad," Elliot tells her.

"Oh," she says as she twists the knob and the door comes open. He steps in the room and sees Kathleen sitting on the floor playing with Sophia.

"Where's your sister?"

"Well one, possibly even two of them are still in Olivia's womb, one is stuck in front of the tv, one is at home with her husband and her baby."

"Your other sister."

"Oh Ava?"

"Yeah Ava."

"She's in the bathroom."

"Is she still sick?"

"Uh huh."

"What is she doing in there right now?"

"I'm not sure."

"Kathleen what is she doing?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because she asked me not to."

"So?"

"I'm her sister."

"She's ratted on you before," he tells her using his police tactics.

"I know that, but she's still my sister. And she was looking out for me just like I'm doing for her."

"What does she need protected from?"

Kathleen doesn't answer him.

Elliot knocks on the bathroom door, "Ava open up it's your dad."

"No, go away."

"Ava come on."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Fine I'll back off. For now, but eventually you're going to have to let someone in."

"I know," she says in a barely audible tone.

He leaves Ava's room and goes back downstairs to the living room.

"I asked you two to clean up. Pick up your trash, put the dishes in the dishwasher and wash the rest by hand."

"Dad!" Dickie protests.

"Just let us finish this game," Lizzie begs.

"No I told you to do something now do it."

"Why are you always so hard on us?"

"I'm never hard on you. You've been the babies your whole lives now it's time I start treating you your age."

"But dad!"

"Richard, Elizabeth you better jump to."

"Or what?" Lizzie asks.

Elliot unplugs the game from the wall.

"Dad that's not fair!" Dickie whines.

"Do it now or you're not getting the game back. Until you can respect the other members of this household you are hereby grounded."

"Why. We respect everyone in this household," Dickie states.

"No you don't if you did you would pick up after yourselves."

"Ava and Kathleen helped pile up the dishes in the kitchen, and the laundry in the laundry room."

"I'm sure that they did, but they both make sure you guys have clean clothes, and clean plates to eat off. And I'm pretty sure that they do it on a regular basis too."

"Fine," Lizzie huffs as she starts to pick up wrappers.

Elliot finishes disconnecting the game from the T.V. wraps up the cords and takes it with him to the bedroom.

"El."

"What Liv?"

"How are we going to do this? We can't handle two more kids. We can barely handle the five that are here now."

"I know but we'll make it work."

"You've said that before but I just don't buy it."

"I don't know what to tell you other than your daughter is falling apart."

"Elliot wake up everything is falling apart. The house is a mess, it's always loud, and someone is always in over their head."

"I know that. But Liv listen to me Ava need you right now in this very moment."

"Why?"

"I don't know I can assume but you know what happens when you do that."

"No what?"

"I make an ass out of me and you."

"Well it's too late, I think that ship has already sailed."

"Please go talk to her before we both say something to each other that we don't mean."

"Fine," she huffs as she leaves the room.

She goes into Ava's room without even knocking. Sophia is now in her crib asleep, and Kathleen is no where to be seen. She knocks on the bathroom door.

"Ava open up," Olivia demands.

Kathleen opens the door and comes out closing the door behind her.

"Kathleen what's going on?"

"What do you think is going on?"

"I don't know."

"Of course you do."

"I think that I know but I don't want to be right."

"Well you probably are."

"So?"

"I made a doctor's appointment for her, but rather she'll go or not is really up to her."

"When is it for?"

"The sixteenth,"

"The sixteenth?"

"It was the soonest that they could get her in."

"Ok. So what's your opinion?"

"I think that she is."

"Does she have any evidence?"

"Besides being sick day and night you mean?"

"Yeah besides that."

"Like a pregnancy test?"

"Yeah."

"She took four, but none of them are positive."

"So then she's not pregnant."

"Please let me finish."

"Ok."

"None of them are negative either. All of them are inconclusive."

"Of course they are."

Before they can continue they hear the phone ring.

"Do you have any clue where the phone is?" Kathleen asks.

"I don't see it."

"Hello?" they hear Ava answer in the bathroom.

After a couple of minutes she comes out.

"Who was it?" Olivia asks.

"It was Maureen."

"Is something wrong?" Kathleen quizzes.

"She's on her way over here with the baby."

"Why?"

"Because your mom keeps calling her and harassing her, and is threatening to come take William from her."

"I'll take care of it," Olivia tells them.

She stops at Kathy's first. The door is unlocked as per usual, so she goes in. She finds Kathy in the kitchen looking for her keys.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asks.

"I'm looking for my keys."

"I can see that. I mean what are you doing to Maureen."

"Oh. I just want to see him."

"Why now?"

"I just do."

"Well I hardly think that threatening to take him from her is going to persuade her to let you see him."

"I know but..."

"But what?"

"I'm clean now. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to take him I just want to see him."

"I don't buy it."

"She's going to lose him."

"What do you mean she's going to lose him?"

"The father found out."

"I thought you said that you were raped. I don't think that rapists can contest adoptions."

"I wasn't raped."

"Kathy stop yanking my chain and be straight with me."

"Ok, ok. I was going out with this guy for a while and he's the father."

"Are you sure?"

"I've been with a lot of guys in recent history, but I'll know if it's his baby if I see him."

"How?"

"Because the time frame is right, and he's the only... you know what never mind."

"No tell me."

"I just want to see him. If I can see him then I'll know whether to worry or not."

"Hold on I've got a couple pictures of him in the car will that do?"

"Yeah."


	45. Faith in a crisis

Olivia comes back a few minutes later with a small album. "Here," she sighs as she presents Kathy with the book. Kathy sits down at the table to look at the book. When she opens it she sees pictures from when he was still yellow, and hooked up to half a dozen tubes. She grimaces but takes it in. She flips through the pages to a picture from Christmas eve that Ava had taken on her digital camera.

"Look at this picture of him and tell me that you don't see what I'm talking about."

"He's perfect. He's healthy despite all the odds."

"That isn't what I'm talking about."

"I don't understand."

"Olivia my background is Irish, and English."

"Yeah so?"

"So he didn't get the dark complection, and hair from me."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I know who his father is."

"Who?"

"His name is Shawn Warner, he's a thirty year old business man."

"Ok?"

"And he's black."

"Ok. Wait how did he find out?"

"I told him."

"What?"

"He called me when I was in the hospital. When I got home he kept calling and I kept ignoring him until one day he showed up on my door step."

"You can't really dodge him then."

"No. When he asked where I was I told him."

"Why didn't you make up an excuse?"

"I don't know honestly."

"How did he know that it was his?"

"He didn't but he asked if it was, and I told him that there was a possibility."

"And that was two days ago. He told me that he wanted to see the baby. And that he thought that he should be a part of the baby's life."

"The baby has name you know," is all she can get out.

"William," she says carefully.

"Right."

"Olivia I know that I'm a terrible person," Olivia doesn't argue so after a momentary pause Kathy continues, "but I love all of my children. I just want what's best for them. I know that I haven't always been the best mother, but I am still the mother of five wonderful kids. I don't want to see any of them hurt. I wouldn't want anyone to take William away from Maureen. I couldn't live with myself, but I don't know how to stop it. That's what has always scared me to death. There so many things that go on in my life that I just don't know how to stop. I just want them to be happy. I wish that things would have gone differently, but sometimes things don't work out the way that you planned. I know that I have always been cold towards you, but I want you to know that I'm grateful that you're there for my kids. I wouldn't want it to be anyone else," she admits.

Olivia just stood there silently thinking, 'Wow the bitch has a heart after all,' to herself.

"Will you help me work something out?"

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"I think that Shawn should see William."

"I don't think that it's a good idea."

"Just hear me out."

"Ok."

"I think that if he saw how well he's being taken care of he'd back off."

"Don't you think that he's still going to want custody?"

"I think that something could probably be worked out."

"I'll talk to Maureen."

"Ok. I'll try to get him to back down."

"Ok."

"Thank you Olivia," she smiles as Olivia gets up to leave.

"Oh wait do you want this back?" Kathy asks as with the picture album in hand.

"Why don't you keep it for now. Give it back to me the next time you see me."

"Ok," she agrees.

After careful wording and persuasive tactics an agreement is struck among all parties. The following day Olivia takes William to Kathy's to meet Shawn. Kathy and Shawn are patiently waiting in the living room for Olivia. She get's there around noon. She carefully takes the fragile baby out of his carseat, and grabs his diaper bag. She goes up a few stairs to the front door, and let's herself in. She comes in with the baby in her arms. She reaches the living room, and sits the diaper bag down on the table. She hands the sleeping baby to Kathy.

"This is William," she announces.

Neither Kathy or Shawn say a word. They both just stare at him.

"Maureen and Matt wanted to ask me what you want," Olivia tells Shawn as she sits on the egde of the coffee table. He thinks for a while. Kathy passes the sleeping baby to him. He studies the baby all the while formulating an answer. After a few minutes he finally answers.

"I just want to see him occasionally. He never has to find out who I am. I just want to see him a few times a year. I travel a lot on business so I know I could never be there on a full time basis. I'd like to set up a college fund for him. I just want to make sure that he's taken care of."

"We all do," Olivia says solemnly.

"I don't want to take him. I just want to see him. I want to be allowed contact with him. You know a phone call here, or a card there. That's it."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asks to clarify.

"Yeah... oh wait I'd really like for them to send me pictures."

"Alright. I think that's reasonable, but they won't agree to it, unless you sign an agreement with their lawyer."

"Of course," he nods.

Meanwhile at the Benson-Stabler residence:

Ava is lying on the couch with the baby asleep on her chest. She puts both hands on the sleeping girl and carefully sits up. She gets off the couch and lays the baby in her playpen. She returns to the couch and just stares at the ceiling. After a very short amount of time she hears footsteps coming down the stairs. They stop inches away from the couch. She turns her head toward the direction the footsteps had come from. She stares into a pair of blue eyes.

"How are you feeling?" he asks her in a squatting position.

"Tired."

"I'm sure. What's on your mind?"

"What do you think?"

"Ok. What about it?"

"I know who it was."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does matter are you going to tell me?"

"No because like I said it doesn't matter."

"Ok so how do you know?"

"I just do."

"How?"

"I saw him following me that day."

"Have you seen him since?"

"No."

"But there's something more on your mind."

"So?"

"You want to tell me about it?"

"I don't want to do this. I don't want to go through all of this again."

"What?"

"Being pregnant, having a baby. I'm sixteen I wasn't ready for it the first time, and I'm still not ready for it."

"No one disagrees. And the circumstances are a little different this time."

"I know."

"So you think that you are?"

"I don't need a plastic stick, or a doctor to tell me. I just know. I hoped that I was wrong, but I just don't think that I am."

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to do anything. I just want it all to go away but that's unrealistic."

"So realistically?"

"I don't know. I don't want this baby. I feel so terrible saying that, I don't understand how I could feel so much anger toward someone so innocent. I mean I know that the blame isn't to be placed on this baby, but it's so easy."

"Of course."

"I've always known exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Not do with it, but the morals that I held. I always thought that I would know what to do in this situation. Or at least how I would feel, but I didn't expect this. I mean with Sophia it was different. The second I realized that I was pregnant I knew in that instant that I wanted to keep her. I just don't know how I'm supposed to go about deciding what to do."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure what?"

"Why didn't you do the rape kit?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"For protection."

"From what?"

"Nothing."

"Ok then, from who?"

"I just wanted things to stay the same."

"Ava what are you not telling me?"

"I can't tell you..."

"Yes you can," he argues.

"I'll tell you that I know the guy that was following me."

"From school?"

"No. But I know him well enough to know him on a first name basis, I know his nickname, and his background."

"Oh. Are you going to tell me how you know him?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Ok so answer me this, once you realized that it really did happen why didn't you take the morning after pill?"

"I don't know. I was sure that everything would be fine."

"But it's not."

"Huh uh."

"What do you need?"

"I think I should go to church."

"What?"

"I think that I need to go to church."

"What for?"

"To find some answers."

"Fine go. I'll watch the baby."

"I'd rather take her with me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know where the closest church is?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, just be careful."

"Careful? What could happen? It's not like I could get knocked up any more than I already am."


	46. Won't Go Home Without You

Ava bundles the baby up in multiple layers, and a coat. She puts a hat and gloves on her. She fastens her into her carseat and then puts the carseat on the base. It clicks and she locks the wheels on the stroller as she puts her own coat and gloves on. She covers the baby with a blanket, and puts the diaper bag on the storage rack of the stroller. She checks to make sure that she has everything, and then heads out the door. She walks a few blocks to the nearest church. She goes up the handicap ramp with the stroller and comes to a set of doors. She opens the doors, and successfully gets the stroller into the church. She pushes the stroller to the front of the building. During this entire process Sophia remains dead asleep.

Ava lights multiple candles, and then kneels at the alter to pray. When she gets up a priest is standing before her. Ava smiles at him and lifts the blanket over Sophia to make sure that she's alright. She tucks the blanket around the baby.

"Is she yours?" he asks.

Ava nods shamefully. She pushes the stroller over to a pew and sits down with the priest.

"What's her name?"

"Sophia."

"How old is she?"

"Almost six months."

"She's precious."

"She's heaven sent."

"So what brings you here today?"

"I don't know."

"Something weighing on your mind?"

"Yeah."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"I don't think so, no offense."

"None taken. You are troubled about something though right?"

"Uh huh."

"Your daughter's father?"

"No. There's nothing to be trouble about there."

"What do you mean?"

"He died not long after she was born."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"So do you live on your own?"

"No. I live with my parents."

"How old are you?"

"Too young to have a baby."

"It seems to me that you've got everything under control."

"With her maybe."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I've always stood really firm in my beliefs, but lately I've been questioning them."

"It happens to all of us."

"I know, now is just not a good time."

"Is it ever really a good time?"

"No."

"Just have faith," he tells her.

"I'll try," she responds as she adjusts Sophia's blanket and turns to leave.

Olivia is just getting home from dropping William off at home as Ava starts down their block.

"Did you go somewhere?" Olivia asks.

"Yeah to church."

"You took the baby out in this weather?"

"Mom she's got at least two layers, and a coat, and a hat."

"Ok," she sighs.

"Will you take her in? I'll be in a minute."

"Sure," Olivia nods as she takes the baby out of her stroller.

Ava takes out the diaper bag and collapses the stroller. She sits down on the step in front of the door. She runs her fingers through her hair and closes her eyes. She opens them and then stands up. She grabs the stroller and the diaper bag to take them inside. She goes inside and sits the stroller in the house she sits the diaper bag next to the stroller and goes up to her room. She stops off in Olivia's room and takes the baby out of the basinet. Olivia is changing her clothes so she doesn't notice. Ava gets to her room and closes and locks the door. She takes her phone out of her pocket and sits down. She uses her shoulder to hold the phone as she cradles Sophia with one arm and pats her bottom with the other.

Before she knows it she looks outside and it's dark. She gives the baby a bath, rocks her to sleep and puts her in bed. She then takes a bath herself. She generally only had the time for a shower, tonight wasn't really any different in that aspect, but she needed a bath. She needed to relax and unwind. Instead she was inundated by her thoughts. She gets out of the bathtub and towels off. She slips into her flannel pajamas and heads to bed. She can't sleep so she grabs her i-pod. She turns it on and it's halfway through a song. She hits play without even looking at it. The first thing she hears is,

_Every night you cry yourself to sleep_

_Thinking why does this happen to me_

_Why does every moment have to be so hard_

Somehow her life worked out this way. She could always find music that fit any situation she was in. Especially since she was in the same general ones a lot. Finally she falls asleep.

She wakes up an hour later in a cold sweat, feeling panicky. She sits up and turns her lamp on. She looks at Sophia who is asleep, but has kicked her covers off. She gets up to put her covers back on her. She does so and kisses her on the forehead. She then puts her hand on the baby's forehead to feel it again. The poor baby is burning up. Ava opens a drawer and grabs out the thermometer. She puts it in the baby's ear. She starts to whimper. Finally the thermometer beeps at Ava. The thermometer reads 100 degrees. Ava scoops up the baby and holds her closely. She goes into the bathroom. She opens the medicine cabinet and grabs out the baby aspirin. She reads and re-reads the directions carefully. Of course it's a chewable. The only problem being Sophia won't chew it. She takes the baby down stairs and fills a bottle up with some water. She carefully crushes up a baby aspirin and gives the bottle to Sophia.

Luckily Sophia drinks the whole bottle. When Ava returns to her room. Sophia starts crying. Ava rocks her and cuddles her until she falls back to sleep. She lays her back in her crib. She doesn't fall back to sleep for a while. After an hour and a half she falls a sleep. Half an hour after that she wakes up to Sophia crying. Desperate she undresses the baby and fills up Ava's baby tub with lukewarm water. Sophia stops crying. Ava takes her out of the tub and dries her thoroughly. She puts a dry diaper, and sleeper on her. She gives her a bottle and finally Sophia falls back to sleep.

At five thirty Ava wakes up for school. She checks on the baby and finds that she no longer has a fever. She gets dressed and takes the baby downstairs into her playpen to sleep. Elliot is in the kitchen getting ready for work.

"You look tired this morning."

"I was up with her most of the night. She had a fever."

"Is she ok?"

"I think so. Her fever's gone."

"Ok, good."

"Are you going to work?"

"Yeah."

"Where's mom?"

"She's still asleep."

"Isn't she going to work?"

"No she finally told our boss about being pregnant finally. He said he's going to just call her in later. He doesn't want her to put any more stress on the babies than necessary."

"Oh."

"Sarah should be here in a few minutes shouldn't she?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

"Where is everyone else?"

"I don't know."

Lizzie comes down the stairs and joins Elliot and Ava at the island. Both girls grab some breakfast. Maureen joins them a few minutes later she grabs a poptart and they all sit quietly as they wait for the always grumpy Dickie. Finally he trots up the stairs and grabs some dry cereal. By this point the girls have their backpack, and lunches together. Ava has Dickie's lunch on the table. He grabs his cereal, and lunch and runs to join his sisters who have started out the door to the bus stop.

When Ava gets home she does her usual ritual. As she's doing her homework the telephone rings. She quickly grabs it off the charger next to her bed.

"Hello?" she answers.

"May I speak with Ava please?" a seemingly familiar voice on the other end asks.

"This is she."

"Good. Ava this is Casey."

"Oh hi."

"I heard that your mom told Captain Cragen."

"Yeah."

"I was wondering what she needs."

"A hole in her head."

"What does she need for the babies?" Casey clarifies.

"Oh just about everything. I mean she finally got the cribs, and a changing table. When she gets home from work she's exhausted so she doesn't have much done."

"I want to throw her a baby shower."

"Sounds good," Ava replies trying to feign interest.


	47. As The World Turns

When Elliot and Olivia get home from work it's well past dark. It's nearly three when they finally get home. Elliot goes to the basement and checks on Dickie and Kathleen. Olivia checks on Elizabeth, and then goes up to Ava's room to check on her. She finds her sleeping, but not very peacefully. She's tossing and turning. She's kicked her covers off. Olivia feels her, but quickly retracts her hand realizing that Ava is sweaty.

"Ava are you ok?"

"Uhཀ" Ava groans.

"Ava I'm going to take Sophia downstairs."

"Uh."

Olivia takes the chubby, sleeping baby downstairs with her. She puts her in the basinet next to the bed.

The following morning (January 16th) Ava checks on the baby. Sophia is still sleeping soundly. She gets ready for school, and goes downstairs for breakfast.

"Kathleen?"

"Yeah?"

"I've got a doctor's appointment after school. Can you..."

"I'll watch Sophia."

"Ok, good. I left a note for Sarah so she'd know what was going on, but remind her just in case."

"Ok."

After school Ava hails a cab across town to her doctor. Well not really her doctor, a doctor. This doctor specialized in this particular area. She gets out of the cab, and shamefully walks into the waiting room. She announces her name to the receptionist, and grabs a seat in the waiting room. Of course she tells the receptionist a bogus name, because after all her parents were detectives. Not that a fake name would stop them, but it made her feel a little bit more secure. Ava looks around at a roomful of people just like her. A group of clearly pregnant, probably pregnant, and already been pregnant girls. Finally after what seems like an eternity they call Ava back. Or rather they call Annie Smith back.

She sits there numbly as he does his exam. Finally he finishes and she heads home even more angry than before. She had just received an affirmation of one of her biggest fears. When she gets home she collects Sophia from Kathleen, and goes to her room to do homework. She goes through her nightly routine, and turns in early.

Things are quiet for the next couple days. Finally the weekend rolls around and there is an opportunity for dialogue. On Friday night Olivia is home by ten. She finds Ava on the couch in her pajamas flipping through the channels.

"Where's the baby?"

"Asleep in the playpen."

"Oh."

"It's quiet where is everyone?"

"Lizzie and Dickie are both at sleep overs, and Kathleen is downstairs watching a movie."

"Oh," she sighs as she sits down next to her daughter.

"Did you have a fun day at work?"

"Oh yeah," she replies sarcastically.

"So did you tell your boss?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm serious Ava. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she repeats.

"You don't seem fine what's going on with you?"

"What do you think is going on with me?"

"I don't know Ava. You always seem to be down in the dumps, so it's kind of hard to tell what your depressed about from one day to the next."

"You don't get it."

"Of course I don't. I'm your mother, so that means I was never your age."

"I'm not saying that, but at my age you didn't have a baby to take care of."

"When I was in college I had a pregnancy scare..."

Ava cuts her off, "Yeah a scare. That's completely different. You were almost thirty when you had me. So don't give me all of this I can relate bullcrap. You can't relate you're not in the same situation."

"Ava I know that isn't what's bothering you."

"How? How would you know that? You're never around to know anything. You don't even know where the kids who live in your own house are most of the time."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"Ava would you please calm down and explain to me what is bothering you? I can't be there for you if you don't ever let me in."

She shakes her head. She huffs as she runs up the stairs to her room.

Olivia doesn't know what to say or how to react. So she goes to find someone who can help her out. She grabs a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and wanders downstairs to Kathleen's room.

She gently knocks on the door and asks, "Hey Kathleen can I come in?"

"Sure," Kathleen replies.

"What's up with Ava?"

"You don't know?"

"No," Olivia shakes her head.

"You really don't know?"

"No I don't know."

"She didn't tell you?"

"No. I asked her what was bothering her and she ran upstairs crying."

"I'd be crying to if I were in her situation."

"What situation?"

"She's pregnant."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. She went to the doctor a couple of days ago."

"How far along?"

"I think that she said he told her six to eight weeks."

"Did she say what she was going to do?"

"No, but I think she knows who it is."

"The baby?"

"No. Who..."

"Oh. Why do you think that?"

"I don't know. Just the way she acts. She seems really torn. And I don't think that it's because she doesn't know what to do either."

"Did she tell you who it was?"

"No, but I think that it's someone she knows. I don't mean an acquaintance either, more like someone she's spent time with at some point."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"That was her answer. Are you really ok?"

"I'll be fine."

"What's bothering _you_?"

"Nothing big, I'm just having boyfriend troubles. It's nothing I can't handle."

"Are you sure? Because you know if you need to talk I'm here for you."

"I know," she smiles as Olivia leaves.

She drags her swollen body up the stairs, finally reaching her destination. She goes into Ava's room without even knocking.

"Mom!" she shouts as she sits on her bed sobbing.

Olivia sits down next to her. "Kathleen told me."

"So?"

"Ava do you know who it is?"

"Who?"

"The guy who did this to you?"

"Why does it matter?"

"I want to know. Ava you've got to open up to me at some point."

"Why? You haven't earned it."

"I know. I haven't been there for you like I should have. I never should have abandoned you. I'm sorry. I know that I've made some really huge mistakes concerning you, but please don't shut me out Ava. I love you and you're still my daughter."

"I know, but in a couple of months, you'll have two new babies and you'll forget all about me."

"Ava you were my firstborn and you'll always be my baby."

"Whatever."

"Ava the second you were born you were the sun that my world revolved around."

"I never felt that way."

"I know. I was stupid. Please let me help you."

"I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"Because I can't."

"Ava come on, please. It breaks my heart to know that you're hurting. Talk to me, and maybe I can help you out some."

Ava doesn't say anything. She lays her head of stawberry blonde hair in her mother's lap. Olivia begins to stroke her hair, and then lovingly asks, "You want to tell me about it?"

"I don't want to be pregnant."

"I know. Ava no one is going to be upset with you if you decide to not be pregnant anymore," she tells her trying to put it as delicately as possible.

"No one except me."

"What do you mean?"

"This baby didn't do anything wrong. It isn't fair to just end it's life because it wasn't created under good circumstances. I think that it should be given a chance at something."

"But?"

"But it makes me sick..."

"That's what happens when you're pregnant."

"No. It makes me sick to think about how it ended up inside of me."

"Kathleen was telling me something really interesting."

"What's that?"

"She said that she thinks you know who he was."

Ava clams up.

"Ava do you know who it was?"

"Uh huh."

"It's not going to be any better for you if you keep this all inside. It will feel much better if you just get it off your chest."

"His name is Daniel."

"Do you go to school with him?"

"No."

"Where do you know him from?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does Ava."

"I grew up with him."

"What do you mean you grew up with him?"

"I lived like two blocks from him."

"And he moved here when?"

"Three years ago."

"Then how did he know that you were here?"

"There are like ten people who could have told him."

"Ava who is he?"

She swallows hard as tears well up in her eyes, "He's Adam's brother," she reveals.


	48. Bleeding Love

_A/N: So I found some chapters to this story on my computer. They were written, three years ago. I thought that I would post them, anyway. Please be kind, they're from forever ago. Enjoy!_

* * *

"Ava do you want to have this baby and raise it?"

"No."

"Can you put yourself through giving this baby up for adoption? You've already got a lot on your plate. You have to think about not only what's best for you, but what's best for Sophia."

"I don't know."

"I don't want you to rush into anything that you're not ready to deal with, but you need to think about all three scenarios."

"I know. Why do you want me to get rid of this baby?"

"Ava I've seen what people have done to babies they don't want. I don't want you to be one of those people."

"Mom I'm not cruel I couldn't do that to any baby."

"You don't know that."

"I do know that."

"Ava your father and I worked a case where a woman had a baby and after a month she put her baby in a cooler, tied weights to it and put it in the Hudson river."

"I could never do that. I could never hurt a baby."

"Are you sure? Ava it wouldn't be the same, anything could happen."

"I know, but I'm not like that."

"Mom please."

"Fine I'll go, but I just want you to think it through."

"Ok."

At three a.m. Ava wanders into the kitchen. Elliot is in the kitchen after a long day at work. He sips his drink. He looks up as Ava wanders into the kitchen.

"Whatcha doing up so late sport?"

"I feel like crap."

"So what are you doing down here?"

"I came down for a glass of water."

"You have water upstairs in your bathroom."

"Yeah but I don't have ibuprofen in my bathroom."

"Oh."

She walks past him, and stops at the counter. She opens a cabinet, and pulls out a bottle of pills. She moves to the fridge and opens it for a bottle of water. Elliot notices something as the light of the fridge peers out.

"Ava."

"What?" she asks as she shuts the fridge.

He flips on the light.

"You've got a sticker on your pajama pants."

She looks at the back of her pants and finds a smiley face sticker on the leg of her pants. She shakes her head and gently takes it off and throws it in the trash can.

The following week is both tense and hectic. All of the kids have events, and or appointments. Neither Elizabeth nor Dickie are very happy with their father and are giving him the cold shoulder. The only one who is congenial toward both Elliot and Olivia is Kathleen. Ava is barely on speaking terms with Olivia. On top of all of that Sophia is teething.

Olivia is now miserable. Every part of her body is swollen and she is advised by her doctor to take it easy. Of course Cragen puts her on desk duty because of this.

As the week draws to a close everyone is delighted to put the week behind them. Olivia stupidly brings up the baby with Ava by accident.

"So have you made a decision?" she asks.

"About what?"

"You know what," Olivia answers.

"I'm going to bed," Ava responds as she takes Sophia out of her playpen and packs her up the stairs.

Olivia finds that she's not quite ready for bed. She stays in the living room and does some reading before she goes to bed. When she finishes her book she goes to check on each one of the kids. Kathleen is at her friend Anna's house for the night. Olivia finds Dickie watching T.V. when she goes into his room.

"I'd like you to turn the T.V. off in an hour and go to sleep."

He looks at his alarm clock, and replies, "I'll definitely be asleep by then. I doubt I'll even make it to one. I'm tired. It's been a pretty long week I'll probably fall asleep before then."

"Ok night buddy," she tells the teenaged boy.

She marches up the stairs to Lizzie's room. She knocks on the door and elicits no response. She pushes open the already cracked door and finds that Lizzie is already asleep and snoring loudly.

Finally Olivia makes her way up to Ava's room. She finds the lights off. She turns on the hall light and goes in. Sophia is sleeping peacefully in her crib. Olivia kisses the baby and goes over to Ava. As usual her covers are kicked off. She pushes the door open just a hair more so she can see what she's doing. As she goes to cover Ava up she makes a shocking discovery. As she puts her hand on Ava's bed to maintain her balance while giving Ava a kiss on the forehead she finds something very unpleasant. Her hand lands in something warm and wet. She removes her hand from the bed and lifts it up to look in the light. She was unfortunately right. Which after such a long time of being a cop she should be able to recognize that feel. That distinctly eery feel. She goes to the bathroom and washes her hand off. She returns to Ava's room and flips on her lamp. She evaluates the situation and then goes down stairs to her bedroom. She gently rocks Elliot.

"El," she whispers.

He rolls over and opens his eyes. "Huh?" he asks her.

"I'm going to bring the baby down here."

"Why?"

"Because I've got to take Ava to the hospital."

He sits up and looks at her, "Why what's wrong?" he questions.

"I'll tell you later."

"Tell me now."

"Trust me you don't want to know right now," she replies, clearly not in a mood to argue.

"Ok," he sighs in defeat.

She brings Sophia into her room and lays her in the basinet. She then wakes Ava.

"Ava baby wake up."

"Um..." she cries.

"Sweetheart wake up."

"Mommy I don't feel good."

"I know we're going to go to the hospital," she tells her.

"Ok," Ava agrees.

Olivia grabs several old towels and leads Ava down the stairs. She gets her into the car without freaking out. By this point Ava is waking up and begins to become concerned.

"Why am I going to the hospital?"

"You're bleeding," Olivia replies calmly as she turns on the siren and floors it on her pursuit to get to the hospital.

"What?"

"Ava you're bleeding."

Ava looks around and realizes what's going on. She's so freaked out that she doesn't do or say anything because she's completely shocked.

They get to the hospital in no time. The nurse quickly realizes what's going on and puts her in a room immediately. The doctor comes in right after the nurse leaves the room.

"Miss Benson."

"Yes?" Ava answers.

"Do you know what's going on?"

"No, well yes I guess."

"How many weeks along were you?"

"Eight."

"We're going to do an ultrasound."

"Why?"

"We don't know exactly what's causing the bleeding. We assume that you've miscarried, but we can't be sure unless we do an ultrasound."

"Ok," she agrees.

A technician comes in and preforms an ultrasound. The doctor studies the screen closely as she does the ultrasound.

"Well?" Ava asks not able to see the screen.

"The fetus is still intact."

"What does that mean? Did I lose the baby or not?"

"I've going to have the nurse give you something to slow the bleeding. I'm not exactly sure what caused the bleeding. There's a good chance that this fetus won't be expelled if we start the medication."

"So if you stop the bleeding then there's a good chance that the baby will continue gestation correct?" Ava questions now fully awake and aware of what's going on.

"I'm not going to make any promises but it's likely that if we stop the bleeding the fetus will be ok. The baby does still have a heartbeat."

"So the what caused the bleeding?"

"I don't know that's what we've got to figure out."

"Ok," she agrees.

The nurse gives her the medication. The bleeding soon stops. The nurse informs Olivia that Ava has lost a fair amount of blood, but not enough to need a transfusion. She also collects a small vile of blood for tests.

"I'll also need you to pee in this cup," the nurse informs Ava.

"Ok," Ava agrees.

"You don't have to worry about it right now. Just let me know when you've got it filled up."

"Ok," Ava repeats.

"Why don't you close you eyes and try to get some rest," Olivia advises.

Ava nods. She falls asleep for nearly half an hour.

"Can you help me?" Ava asks.

"Help you what?"


End file.
